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JustKeepSwimmig ( member #19269) posted at 1:01 PM on Wednesday, August 26th, 2009
Mr. JKS - EA/PA
DDay - April 2008
jolene ( member #17993) posted at 10:14 AM on Thursday, August 27th, 2009
Divorced 10/2013! Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!
willthiseverend ( member #25107) posted at 1:55 PM on Thursday, August 27th, 2009
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
weepy ( member #8790) posted at 2:04 PM on Thursday, August 27th, 2009
Too many to count... things I wish I had done in the past.
But like the WS, none of us can go back and change the past and especially for the BS, looking back and ruminating about what could have been if "I had only" or "I should have" will only bring YOU pain. Believe me I know.
I sat for months, no years, thinking about my stupidity, how naive I was, how trusting and beat myself up until I had no confidence in any decision I was making. I couldn't even decide what to cook for dinner because I was SURE it was "wrong".
I agree that R is only possible with a truly remorseful, totally changed FWS. But you need to know most of all that
You only did what you thought was best AT THE TIME.
Sure you "could have" picked up on that subtle sign, but ONLY because you now know it was a sign. You could have postponed that trip to see the family and stayed home because if you had, he never would have had the chance to see her.
But I could have quit my job, gone to counseling when I first suspected, followed him, demanded an accounting of his money, gone through his truck more thoroughly that night. I could have thrown him out, demanded more details, called the "affair friends", desicrated OW's grave, called her parents, beat the hell out of my H.
But I didn't because I only did what I could do at the time with the circumstances I had.
Take strength and confidence from the knowledge that you did your best, the WS can't ever say that and still be honest with themselves.
Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.
Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda
64fleet ( member #18710) posted at 2:28 PM on Thursday, August 27th, 2009
I wish I'd left on d-day. Its just not worth it.
shreddedman ( member #25114) posted at 6:52 PM on Thursday, August 27th, 2009
Thanks for this post. I'm less than 2 months from D-day and I'm using this as a road map.
Unfortunately WW is unreachable.
Looks like I'm moving forward with D sooner than the road map would indicate.
I love her still. But I will not let her control my happiness. (Easier said than done.)
If she ever wants me back as #1 in her heart, it's all up to her to try, but I can't promise I'll be there if she ever comes around.
THANKS! Wish me luck and strength.
[This message edited by shreddedman at 1:27 PM, August 27th (Thursday)]
me (BH)
her (WW)
D-day 7/6/09 EA - PA
DD 15
Filed for Divorce 10/13/09
Weaving my shredded life back together to make a better one.
HeavyE ( member #19333) posted at 4:35 AM on Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009
gracelesslady ( member #21550) posted at 6:29 PM on Tuesday, September 15th, 2009
BW (me) 63XWH 59OW#1 28MOW#2 35OW#3 38DDay #1 Aug 2008DDay #2 Oct 2008DDay #3 Apr 2015S since Apr 2015D final Jun 2017
nooneeverthought ( member #20157) posted at 12:08 AM on Sunday, September 20th, 2009
it doesn't matter where you go in life ,it's who you have the beside you
nooneeverthought ( member #20157) posted at 11:05 PM on Sunday, September 20th, 2009
it doesn't matter where you go in life ,it's who you have the beside you
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 3:42 AM on Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009
The more time goes by since D-day, the truer this all seems to me.
I am only just NOW, after four years, coming to the place of not caring whether or not the WS/XH is "mad" at me. Holy mackerel, I was the poster child for codependence!
Thanks again, katherine41, for the clarity.
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
dmb364041 ( member #19710) posted at 4:00 AM on Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009
I wish I would have gotten mad and not be scared of every little thing!! Get mad and let them know it!!
Me (36) BW
Him FWH (37)
Status in R
Update: me (47)
Him (48)
DD 4, DD 2yr
D-Day 4-7-08
"Celebrate we will...cause life is short, but sweet for certain." DJM
ThoughtIKnewYa ( member #18449) posted at 4:03 PM on Saturday, September 26th, 2009
bump 
toby ( member #10337) posted at 8:30 PM on Wednesday, September 30th, 2009
nooneeverthought ( member #20157) posted at 1:12 AM on Friday, October 2nd, 2009
it doesn't matter where you go in life ,it's who you have the beside you
katherine41 (original poster member #5792) posted at 3:12 AM on Thursday, October 8th, 2009
Ms.Martha ( member #23951) posted at 3:08 PM on Thursday, October 8th, 2009
I wish I would have called her 3 years ago.
That intuition, gut feeling, heart pounding, loud alarm that screams something is wrong....I wish I would have trusted myself.
Thanks, this is more than a helpful post. It is an important one.
Ms.Martha ( member #23951) posted at 10:19 PM on Thursday, October 8th, 2009
Ms.Martha ( member #23951) posted at 4:18 PM on Monday, October 12th, 2009
fairyfriend ( member #11208) posted at 4:30 PM on Monday, October 12th, 2009
I wish I had kicked H out on DDay #1 and called OW's H and told him what was going on.
I suspect the A would NEVER have gone on if I had done those two things.
That said, I didn't and it did. What is most important now is that H DID the hard work he needed, and we are still together. But I do believe I could have saved myself much suffering if I had had even an inkling of the knowledge about A that I now have and if I had acted fearlessly at the very beginning.
We live and learn.
DDay 1--Feb 99
Crappy IC, false R--spring 1999
A ended around April, 2003
DDay 2--September 26, 2004
DDay 3--September 26, 2005 when I found out the REST of the truth
8/8/09--Doing very well due to hard work on my and H's part
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