SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:10 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]

Been keeping up with ur JFO thread-stay strong ,ur doing amazin

Glad you found us here.

And so happy about your new man-bunker.

It does sound like your WW is getting some decent advice... although like someone on your old board said, when your enemy begins to self-destruct, let them.

Been following your story. I am so sorry for your pain and applaud you for taking action.

Keep up the vigilance; she may have cleaned up the surface of her act and gone underground. Make sure your evidence/documentation is in a safe place.

I've been keeping an eye on your thread and have to say you've done amazingly well.

Glad you've got a safe place to hang out. I hope she settles down and you can hammer this out in an equitable fashion from here on in, although drama surprises are the norm at this stage.

Welcome to our little corner.

Welcome to D&S tulipcitymadman! I've read your posts in JFO as well, but couldn't find anything to say that hadn't already been said better by other members.

I remember reading that you used that thread as a diary, so I wanted to remind you to copy it somewhere. Once a thread gets to page 25 of a forum it is gone. So maybe you can cut and past the thread to a word document, or in your profile here there is a journal section that you could put it in. Copy all the posts not just the link to it.

I'm actually glad to hear that she got a lawyer, maybe hearing common sense from an outside source it might get through to her!

[This message edited by ThriveNotSurvive at 4:02 PM, June 26th (Saturday)]

Welcome to the forum, TCMM. Sorry you are joining us here.

I have perused your thread in JFO but haven't read the entire tome.

Sounds like you are experiencing the joys of cohabitation with your STBWW while in the midst of D proceedings.

How long will you be living in this situation?

Welcome to D/S TCMM. I've read through your other thread..took me most of the night!

You are doing great. Good luck on Wednesday, and ask any questions you have here. As you have learned, the people on SI are very helpful. :)

woot woot woot ... welcome to D/S ... we are kinda a crazy bunch down here ... but we are so happy to have you join us ...

while being crazy we are very supportive and glad to have you join us ... anyway we can help just ask ...

(((tcmm)))

[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:10 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]

I think you are doing an amazing job so far, keeping it very business like. But try to let a few of those emotions come through every once in a while. You have to feel it to heal from it.

she is treating me like I never even mattered to her

One of the biggest things I had to get past was my ego. I couldn't believe STBX wouldn't fight for me, why wouldn't he I'm amazing and he's loved me forever. I took a really hard knock to my self esteme until I could wrap my head and heart around the fact that he didn't want me anymore. But that was his issues not mine. We all hold a mirror up to our spouses and he hated what he saw when he looked at me. I held him responsible and he couldn't handle that.

But I refuse to second guess the past. He did love me, he waited 10 years to marry me. We were happy together and we had big dreams of what our life would be. He may not want to remember that but it wont change the facts.

I'm sure you and your wife had a wonderful marriage, not perfect but none of them are. Her making you feel guilty is only a way to make herself feel better about what she has done. She wants to be the good guy here and to do that she makes you the bad guy.

You are doing great, make that basement space your own man-cave haven away from her drama. It'll be over before you know it.

wise words TNS, wise words. Thank you for the wisdom. I read your post twice, because I needed to hear it. I feel that way so often: why won't he fight for me, for this family? We are awesome.... right? (crickets....)

So your words really resonated with me and I am sure tcmm needs to hear them too.

Welcome tcmm. There are some great people here. Thank goodness for that!

[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:10 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]

TCMM, I hope that you are documenting each time she leaves the kids alone. That behaviour will come to bite her on the ass when you get to court. Get a small notebook and record the dates and times as best you can.

Your WW really pisses me off.

You are doing a great job, Sweets. Fight the good fight!

-Kharma

ThriveNotSurvive: We all hold a mirror up to our spouses and he hated what he saw when he looked at me

Wow, what a powerful statement. Thanks TnS

TCMM,

Welcome! I've followed your thread in JFO and you've received some good advice. You'll get good advice here as well.

It's probably good that your WW has a lawyer, but I would echo what the others have said about documenting her leaving the kids alone.

Keep whatever documents you've copied in a safe place including any communications with your lawyer, but not your home. I also took pictures of everything valuble in my house. I kept everything locked in my office at work.

Also, I've gone the in house separation route and would echo what TNS said, especially as the affair will continue right in front of you. You will never be able to wrap your head around the "why" and "how" of throwing it all away. Don't try to figure it out now-just concentrate on being a good dad and not doing/saying anything that she can use against you at a later time.

Also, it is critical to find some outlet for your frustration so that you don't engage with your WS as she carries on right in front of you. Exercise is great or find a new hobby-anything so that when you find yourself trying to figure out the "how could she do this to me after all these years" you can occupy your mind with something else.

Good luck.

[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:11 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]

I'm glad you are feeling your pain and processing it rather than blocking it...that is how we all go through the grief process.

Yes, it absolutely hurts to be discounted!

Your WW sure is a piece of work!

Hang in there & warm hugs.

She told me as she walked out the door that she didn't know when she would be back, and I just replied "Whatever." I wanted to say feel free to not come back at all, but the kids were right there. I am off to hang with my kids for a while and then figure out what to do the rest of the day with them. Thank god for them, they keep me going.

I'm not SI expert, but would it be wrong to send her a text saying, "stay out as long as you want."

The less time she spends with the kids, the better for you, right?

[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:11 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]