SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

But life will catch up to his ass sooner or later.

Amen.

What he needs is 5 minutes alone in a room with all the BH he created.

it probably wouldn't take 5-minutes, but on the other hand, 5-minutes wouldn't be long enough.

ETA - hit the button too soon...

[This message edited by BaxtersBFF at 3:44 PM, September 17th (Monday)]

General warning to all...

Just because this article is from a serial cheater, that doesn't mean the name calling is allowed in this forum.

This is not a BS vent thread.

The WS forum is a protected forum, please respect it.

Thank you.

Agree with previous posters that...

-this is a sociopath (understands that what he is doing is wrong but does not give a shit... And continues)

-this should be required reading for all WWs...

-...and WHs. this kind of predator is not gender specific

If any BHs out there are looking to shake their WW still in limerance with an OM, share this. If this isn't enough to shake her, I don't know what is.

ETA: my first reaction to this guy... "gross."

[This message edited by NothngElseMattrs at 4:11 PM, September 17th (Monday)]

The only thing goodI can say about this guy is at least he's honest. He states outright that all he wants is the sex. He strongly implies that he considers married women as simple holes, a living, breathing blow up doll whose only use (to him) is getting his rocks off.

I, for one, do *not* feel the WWs are victims. They *chose* to swallow the bullshit. Just like every WS out there, me included.

Yes, this guy is a douchebag of the first order and I'm glad my boundaries are now such that I can see them comingbefore it's too late.

I think the lesson to take from the article is to recognize the game the OM (or OW) plays. Debating the character of the OM loses the point. Avoiding wayward behavior or R'g from it requires recognizing the reality of the situation. Seeing the OM/OW and their behavior for what it really is.

One of the OM's WW, by his own admission, destroyed her life because of their A and hates him now. If she had read an article like this, if she knew what she was about to do to her life and her entire family's lives, then she probably would've found a different way to cope with whatever issues were happening.

The only thing goodI can say about this guy is at least he's honest.

To who? Certainly not his wife who he claims to love. Really? Doesn't want to lose her - that I believe, but love her?

I knew men and women like him when I was in the military. I feel bad for his wife but not his targets. They do not have to jump on board, they choose to. No one makes them cheat and he admits that he backs off if they are not interested. He knows what he is doing and why( I don't think it is right)but the women choose to believe the fantasy he feeds them. Unfortunately the only winner is him , meaning he is getting what he wanted. Too bad none of those women told his wife.

I am going to be charitable and assume the author had an epiphany of some sort since the whole thing is written in the past tense. Who knows, maybe this was even written by someone who ended up lurking here when they got caught.

As for the rest of it, I am not going to get outraged over this. It is what it is. I assume that he was honest when he wrote it. It certainly sounds like the truth.

As always in such matters, see my tagline.

Whatnow999, I see you are taking offense to this article? I don't see this as a poor WW and evil OM article, I see this as him narrating a story about how easy it was to target a MW as an art form. Yes it's gross but as a WW, I can see how easy it would be to get played like a fiddle. I was 'poor lonely wife with husband out of town'. The men LOVED that story.. They ate it up, in fact I played them like a fiddle too as I got my emotional part but didn't end up putting out.

No, these women just didn't slip, fall and land on his cock but he is bragging that he held the key to unlock their crossed legs.

Also this is wrong..

OM gave his reason for cheating. Lack of sex in his marriage. Its debatable if that is a valid reason or not. Not taking a position on that.

The OM said his reason was that he wanted EXTRA sex, not due to lack of sex.

To who? Certainly not his wife who he claims to love. Really? Doesn't want to lose her - that I believe, but love her?

Mortuuscor.. If the author of the article says he loves his wife, I bet he really does. If he was caught, he was probably crying at her feet like a big stupid baby. The 2 MM that I met on Ashley Madison both very much in love with their wives too... And same as me with my husband. Hard to believe we had those conversations but it was clear that we were seeking affairs not looking for replacements for our loving spouses. I bet this same guy is a dime a dozen on AM. In fact I feel like I talked this type of guy too.

Ugh this article is triggery.

[This message edited by messedupchick at 5:23 PM, September 17th (Monday)]

Thank you all for your comments. Sorry for the triggers.

I posted this to WW's and for WH's too. Mostly for the WW's to see how men really think. This is a true confession..it is not fake at all.

This is what a lot of guys do. They prey on married women for the "extra". They will tell you anything you want because they listen for an opening.

No matter how much he says he loves you, wants to run away with you, 95% of the time it's a lie.

If he wanted to leave his wife he would.

So the next time you see a co-worker getting too chatty or giving compliments or see them being very attentive, get your boundaries into place. Remember this article because it applies to men as well as women.

[This message edited by floridaredman at 5:53 PM, September 17th (Monday)]

They will tell you anything you want because they listen for an opening.

TRUE!!!!!!!! combine that with a very low self esteem and extreme need for external validation from any man, and BLAMO, perfect storm.

This is not a man, but a pig!!

The woman whose life he help destroy and she still works with, why does she not out him to everyone? Including his wife!! She should put it on a billboard and shout it to the world what a pig he is! Sounds like she doesn't have much more to lose!

I found it an interesting read. Some of what he wrote reminded me of some of the things FWH did and said during both of his As. However, FWH did not have that level of detachment and compartmentalization of the writer.

The MOM in the article was candid about a lot of his thoughts, intentions, and modus operandi. It's hard to read and process. I think it's difficult to digest because he does not make any excuses or defenses for his behavior. Even if we do not believe the excuses of Ws, I think it erroneously tempers the anger and disgust for a while. He admits and owns this behavior that is so dehumanzing.

It's scary to think someone can be so callous and intentionally calculated. Perhaps the detail, extent and numbers that he goes to in order to get what he wants is so alarming.

IMO a lot of what he was doing, saying, and willing to do are all part of the affair dance. If the A goes on for any time, OM/OW must do and make a lot of these choices to sustain the A.

I'm just wondering for the BS/BSO. If or had your WS/WSO admitted to this behavior, would you think he/she deserved a second chance if they agreed to get help? I'm not at all qualified to diagnose SA, addiction, or disorder. Just wondering if we personalized it, would we think differently about it.

I think the article has the potential to alarm any Ws or possible Ws to what they are or may be getting into. Thanks FM.

I agree that this can/could apply to OM/OW/MOM/MOW alike:

No, these women didn't just slip, fall and land on his cock but he is bragging that he held the key to unlock their legs crossed legs.

I agree MDUC. The difference is in the style or how OM/OW act and behave in order to involve the OP and get what they want from the A.

It's not pretty to be in the mind of someone who is cheating on his/her S or SO.

julesinpain...

You have a PM.

The difference is in the style or how OM/OW act and behave in order to involve the OP and get what they want from the A.

i think the main difference is whether or not the WS/AP has decided to romanticize the affair.

To say he makes no excuses, IMO, is far from the truth.

Thank you for this read. Unfortunately, I know people like this.

The hardest, most painful part of the article to read was the part where he says he still loves his wife and he doesn't want to leave her. He's wasting her life, and you know? She might not even know it. He certainly never makes mention of whether or not she does know.

I feel absolutely sick for his BW. She's all alone in her M and she doesn't even know it.

Well the name is hardlessons so maybe this is self evident. But getting mad at this guy or saying "this is how guys think" or watch out is just another way to take focus off our personal wayward growth, the struggle, failures and triumphs we all go through.

I would bet a majority of us waywards, me for sure had/have horrible thought processes and coping mechanisms. How many times have we said "I can't believe how horrible I have been" yet now we are going to sit in judge and jury. For the sake of what?

Just thoughts

WARNING!!

BH's..please be warned that this can cause real triggering if you read this.

Holy Effing HELL....it should have also had a major trigger warning for those of us who were voted 'Least Likely To Be A WW' by everyone who knew them...

This could hane been written by my AP. I honestly feel nauseated after reading this. It brought me to tears. How amused he must have been that I followed the play book almost to the letter.

Thank the Lord above that I did NOT follow through with anything worse than I did. I am embarrassed and ashamed to say that he, like the author of that disgusting post, suggested FAR more than what actually happened.

I never thought I would ever say I feel fortunate about any aspect of the A, but after reading this.....IDK what to even CALL it....I do feel fortunate. I don't think I could have dealt with what I did had I complied with everything....and then read this. It's bad enough that he played me as badly as he did.

Guess my user ID is spot on.

No, on second thought, one just isn't enough to convey just how queasy I feel right now.

I agree with the level of "woman victimizing." I hear and see it ALL THE TIME. The WWs here know, they were JUST as wrong. None of them were coaxed, and they were all feeding the same desperation. I think MANY waywards have low self esteem, a desperate need for that worthlessness to be filled by external validation, and they are all a perfect storm. I know my WH had tons of unrealistic expectations and FOO issues. He could only relate to women, never wanted to be home with us, was mean/rude/hateful all the time, isolated himself, was a miserable/unbearable man to live with or be around, and do you think he was EVER supportive? HA! I stood by, begged him to get help, got ME help, supported him, stood by him, protected him, BUT I still had to be a mom. Enter MOW who said all the "right" stuff, he said all the "right" stuff, they built each other up and in a whole whopping 2/3wks were "in lurve" and each others "the one." They were 2 broken souls, repeat offenders, and desperate to fill their emptiness. BOTH of them knew what they were getting into, BOTH knew all the risk, and BOTH ran hand in hand into the sunset, while dibbling the kerosene that they would use to light their loved ones on fire with.

When it was over, she tried HARD, saying she knew him "so well," kept reminding her of all her love and that they were each others' "one," then when he said no, she told her BH. I think she thought my WH would come running because it was all out. He didn't. By time I got my tun to talk to her, she had been in counseling. She told me how she has discovered she's weak, and guys like my WH are predators looking for women like her. Her counselor helped her see that her BH was horribly mean and drove her to this and my WH was the evil predator waiting in the wings to pounce...she was the victim to her big mean hubby whom she had never left even after he 4/5 As and my vulture WH whom was he "one." Seriously there was not ONE shred of responsibilty. The only victims are the kids and the betrayed.