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Update on he doesn't know that I know

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eric1 ( member #47762) posted at 2:28 PM on Saturday, July 25th, 2015

I disagree Change2Be.

The fact that buttplug is now wallowing in unlimited ketchup sandwiches and cigarette butts is a nice karma story, but her spitting in the face of misfortune is what you should take away from this.

Live your life, don't live the shitty one that he handed you

posts: 1040   ·   registered: May. 4th, 2015
id 7294317
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 Karmita (original poster member #40183) posted at 2:38 PM on Saturday, July 25th, 2015

Sorry Chane2Be, I misunderstood and thought it was the OW hoe bag who'd do your cheaters laundry and cook for him.

I realize I was lucky I didn't have children with Buttplug cheater and it would have been harder to decide to divorce. I understand how hard that would be.

I never liked my former mother in law, but in a way I'm grateful she is a beotch and making my ex-cheater's life hell.

Just a thought....maybe.... you can make your hubby a ketchup sandwich for dinner every night,,,,,if he complains you could say it's better than the shit sandwich he created for you.

posts: 139   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2013
id 7294322
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livinganew ( member #40270) posted at 2:54 PM on Saturday, July 25th, 2015

It sucks to be treated as if you're nothing, but remember a cheater has no right to put a price on you. Our value is our soul, and be proud to a have a soul. My pastor gave me the green light to use my potty mouth... except at church...hahaha. He's a good pastor and is more disgusted by liars than he is by my salty language.

Hi, Karmita (and All),

I've lurked on SI for a long time, then registered but don't post often. Just saw this part of a post of yours from December, 2014, and hope you don't mind if I add some thoughts...

Since my "event" began two and a half years ago (my XWW left me for her OMM; two families blown up ), I've spent a lot of time considering the nature of our "soul." Like you, I chose to be happy even when I didn't know what that would look like. I've grown a lot and continue to find deeper meaning in my life now--to the extent that I'm grateful everything happened the way it did. And I'm continuing my inquiry into, and choices with, how best to do what's right for my soul and new life.

In retrospect, my XWW did me a favor. She did not deserve me. I'm rediscovering and finding things out about myself that I like, and developing new, good things. By leaning into my suffering (i.e., not running from it, but surrendering to and accepting the pain; even "embracing" it in a way) I'm more loving and compassionate than before. My "soul" has been deeply enhanced--I am more grounded, thankful, indeed, happier with my life, than ever. This growth wouldn't have happened without all the pain and suffering I was (and all us BS are) "gifted."

We are better off without partners who betray and/or leave us! We took our vows seriously; they, because of their brokenness (or whatever), were unable to. The result is that I got to have all this growth. She, on the other hand, will reap all the consequences that inevitably and ineluctably flow from evil, pernicious--soul damaging--choices. I wouldn't want to be in her shoes for ANYTHING. My integrity, virtue--indeed, soul--is intact... They are the foundations of my new life.

Not that I'm done with this journey; I'm still on it. It has given me great gifts and pointed me to work with deep, long-term FOO issues I thought I'd resolved long ago. I'm a work in progress; maybe we all are.

But I'm increasingly grateful now--not just regarding my betrayal, but for everything in my life that has brought me to where I am right now, penning this post. I wouldn't be doing this without everything that brought me to this moment.

Hang in there all you who are in the midst of your shock and trauma! There is light at the end of the tunnel and it's not a train... It's whatever you choose it to be.

Blessings, LA

[This message edited by livinganew at 9:03 PM, July 25th (Saturday)]

D-Day: Dec 23, 2012
Me: 57 BH; XWW: 55 (then)
16-yr EA and PA w/MOM--her boss; my "friend"
Married 30 yrs. 2DS: 27 & 25; DD: 21 (then)
Left for her AP
Divorced Jan 2014

posts: 127   ·   registered: Aug. 11th, 2013   ·   location: NW Indiana
id 7294330
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 Karmita (original poster member #40183) posted at 3:18 PM on Saturday, July 25th, 2015

Amen livinganew

Beautiful post, your soul comes through.

posts: 139   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2013
id 7294343
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nekorb ( member #40306) posted at 3:19 PM on Saturday, July 25th, 2015

Karmita,

I've never seen this thread, and I'm so glad you posted to give us an update. Your exit was BRILLIANT....Hall of Fame brilliant.

I've enjoyed your posts and your send of humor and I'm glad to see you doing so well.

I chose to be happy...and I will be because I want it so bad.

Thank you for reminding me that my happiness will always be a choice I can make.

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 M - 22 Years
D-day: 7/2013; D filed 7/2014; Divorced 7-27-16
...the WS affair starts off in a dreamland where everything is all Golly, Wow! and Meant To Be! and Soul Mates drop from the trees to frolic in the mist. -devotedman

posts: 5796   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2013
id 7294344
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 Karmita (original poster member #40183) posted at 5:07 PM on Saturday, July 25th, 2015

Thank you nekorb for your kind comment, I agree that choosing happiness for ourselves is so important, it's not easy but that's the goal.

[This message edited by Karmita at 11:08 AM, July 25th (Saturday)]

posts: 139   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2013
id 7294403
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CornflakeGirl ( member #47629) posted at 6:12 PM on Saturday, July 25th, 2015

(((Karmita)))

You are amazing! I'm so sorry you are in this crappy situation. Your husband was a fool to do this to you. I wish I had the strength that you do.

Me: Former BW, Divorced.
2 young and beautiful children
Oh, I've finally decided my future lies beyond the yellow brick road

posts: 536   ·   registered: Apr. 22nd, 2015
id 7294429
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livinganew ( member #40270) posted at 6:13 PM on Saturday, July 25th, 2015

"Choosing" happiness... I recently had a conversation with a friend about this, and he asked me if I knew the difference between a "choice" and a "decision."

He offered that a "decision" is what you make when you have all the information at your fingertips; when you can weigh and balance out the good and bad of each side of things.

On the other hand, a "choice," he contended, is what you make WITHOUT having all the information at hand, and WITHOUT knowing what the outcome will look like.

The idea of "choosing" happiness in the circumstance of infidelity--when we're in the midst of the deepest shock and trauma of our lives; when we have incomplete information; and, when it's almost impossible to believe in the notion of ever being "happy" again--is eminently relevant, IMO.

It's a "faith-like" choice. Indeed, it's made in the face of all current pain, and contrary to all evidence heaped on us by our significant others! This "choice" to be happy, IMO, comes from within our spirit and soul.

I know someone else who chose to "grow" through the agony of her divorce, not just "go" through it. Same kinda thing.

The pain and suffering of infidelity is unmatched, in my experience. I deemed that if I was going to go through it, anyway, by God, I was going get the most out of it. I determined to lean into the pain as much as I could, in the belief that I'd never again have such an immense and intense opportunity for growth.

I believe this is why we must safeguard our spirit or "soul." It's what enables us to make right choices for ourselves from within, when it doesn't "feel" good in the short term; to make "choices" not based on others' decisions or actions--or any event outside of ourselves--but on what's the right thing to do.

Yikes... another LONG missive! I hope I'm not coming across as having all the answers; I surely don't. I'm still on this infidelity journey (and I'm not "there" yet, wherever that is.) Just thought I'd share a piece of my story in light of the "choosing happiness" aspect of this thread.

Blessings, LA

D-Day: Dec 23, 2012
Me: 57 BH; XWW: 55 (then)
16-yr EA and PA w/MOM--her boss; my "friend"
Married 30 yrs. 2DS: 27 & 25; DD: 21 (then)
Left for her AP
Divorced Jan 2014

posts: 127   ·   registered: Aug. 11th, 2013   ·   location: NW Indiana
id 7294430
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 Karmita (original poster member #40183) posted at 9:28 PM on Saturday, July 25th, 2015

Livinganew

Thanks for another beautiful post. So true, choosing happiness despite the heartbreak of infidelity is a long road to travel on but it's the only thing that restores your soul.

[This message edited by Karmita at 3:44 PM, July 25th (Saturday)]

posts: 139   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2013
id 7294538
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livinganew ( member #40270) posted at 3:01 AM on Sunday, July 26th, 2015

Thanks, Karmita. What's interesting about choosing happiness is that I hadn't make a concerted effort for it prior to my XWW's infidelity and departure. I only did so in response to the most intense, unwanted, pain of my life. Talk about irony, and turning a lemon into delicious lemonade!

Maybe I should thank my XWW!?!?!? Nah...

[This message edited by livinganew at 12:20 PM, July 26th (Sunday)]

D-Day: Dec 23, 2012
Me: 57 BH; XWW: 55 (then)
16-yr EA and PA w/MOM--her boss; my "friend"
Married 30 yrs. 2DS: 27 & 25; DD: 21 (then)
Left for her AP
Divorced Jan 2014

posts: 127   ·   registered: Aug. 11th, 2013   ·   location: NW Indiana
id 7294751
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smallbutmighty ( member #45418) posted at 4:26 AM on Sunday, July 26th, 2015

This has been the most amazing thread to read. Wish I had the strength you did so early on.

Inspiring because I am just getting myself back.

posts: 72   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2014
id 7294810
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 Karmita (original poster member #40183) posted at 12:00 AM on Wednesday, August 12th, 2015

My ex- Mr. Butt Plug showed up at my house on Sunday.

To make a long story short, my dog Stella was in fine form, Mr. Cheater Butt Plug ran like a girl, screamed like a girl.

I love my beautiful and fierce dog Stella and I'm taking her for a dog spa treatment this Saturday.

posts: 139   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2013
id 7311642
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Chicky ( member #18622) posted at 12:05 AM on Wednesday, August 12th, 2015

RAN and SCREAMED like a GIRL!! I'm dying!!

Givers need to set limits because takers never do. THIS GIVER DID and because I stood my ground, we are happily RECONCILED!

posts: 1025   ·   registered: Mar. 14th, 2008   ·   location: Planet Earth
id 7311648
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nme1 ( member #44360) posted at 1:06 AM on Wednesday, August 12th, 2015

Well they do say that dogs are a good judge of character

Me: BS
Him: WS
M 16 yrs 2 x DS
D-Day 6th March 2014

posts: 1361   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2014   ·   location: Australia
id 7311694
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Lally ( member #43116) posted at 1:34 AM on Wednesday, August 12th, 2015

Oh please give Stella extra treats, belly rubs, and hugs from me! She was BORN with her bitch boots on!

Me: BW (40's)
Him: WS (40's), sober since DDay2
Married 10 years, DS under 10 yrs
DDay 1: 12/20/13
TT until DD 2: 7/18/14
DDay 3 6/20/2015 This is the one that made me realize just how broken he really is. He is his own worst enemy.

posts: 318   ·   registered: Apr. 15th, 2014
id 7311716
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 Karmita (original poster member #40183) posted at 2:19 AM on Wednesday, August 12th, 2015

Definitely giving Stella extra hugs and treats. I love her so much, what a blessing to have her in my life. I'm so excited about her dog spa day, she's a beauty and deserves it.

posts: 139   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2013
id 7311748
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MonsterIMarried ( member #46545) posted at 3:50 AM on Wednesday, August 12th, 2015

Karmita why did your ex show up at your house? I mean you don't have kids together and you are divorced. WTh did he want?

When someone shows you who they really are. BELIEVE THEM!!! That's why I am running out of this marriage.

Me: BW 30's
Him: WS (XH probable BPD/NPD/SA) 30's
DD: 2
DIVORCED 6/5/15

posts: 235   ·   registered: Jan. 28th, 2015
id 7311826
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 Karmita (original poster member #40183) posted at 1:18 PM on Wednesday, August 12th, 2015

MIM....I have no idea what Mr. Butt Plug wanted to talk about. I had told him long ago I never want to see his face or hear his voice ever again. I really couldn't care less what gibberish he has to say to me. I'm sure whatever it was it was just more of the same mind games and feeling sorry for himself crap.

It's been awhile since he called me, I just hang up. I guess, he didn't get the message and had the nerve to show up at my house.

posts: 139   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2013
id 7312033
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Lally ( member #43116) posted at 2:59 PM on Thursday, August 13th, 2015

Perhaps Mr. Butt Plug thought the vision of his studliness, complete with the ketchup-moldy basement-cigarette aroma, would cause your panties to drop like a lead zeppelin?

Good thing Stella popped that balloon for him! Good girl, Stella!

Me: BW (40's)
Him: WS (40's), sober since DDay2
Married 10 years, DS under 10 yrs
DDay 1: 12/20/13
TT until DD 2: 7/18/14
DDay 3 6/20/2015 This is the one that made me realize just how broken he really is. He is his own worst enemy.

posts: 318   ·   registered: Apr. 15th, 2014
id 7313208
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HobbesTheTiger ( member #41477) posted at 3:10 PM on Thursday, August 13th, 2015

I'd report it to the police, to start establishing the papertrail for a restraining order.

Best wishes

posts: 3597   ·   registered: Nov. 28th, 2013
id 7313226
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