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AAS - Remember that you can get the school to send you copies of all paperwork,emails etc. It's not actually her responsibility to tell you about the meeting or the trip. Yes, you both should have discussed it and discussed missing the Weds, but you could get that information for yourself if you chose. You are being unfair here.

I respectfully disagree. The school do send me copies of all of the general communications but some things are stuck in their school bags and I won't see it if it's not my day to have the children.

CSTBXWW signed the permission and consent form and from that point forward she was the only one to receive notifications about the trip.

She does have an obligation to notify me about an event as significant as this. Particularly if it contravenes a court order which states that I will have them for contact on specific days of the week. She did not get my permission. Nor did she list me as next of kin.

Regardless of her legal duty, it fully demonstrates her intent to remove me from their lives

[This message edited by allatsea at 5:13 AM, February 28th (Friday)]

Ah, I asked the school to do copies of anything like that so that I pick them up on another day, could they do the same for you?

i got their sympathy after The Arse tried to keep two things I'd paid for on two different occasions because he'd picked them up that day. They now know not to put things for me in their bags on those days!

Im with Sea on this one. He should have been informed by her. The school could send him additional forms but how does he know what his WS has signed the kids up for? I doubt the school is going to have the time to crosscheck each of the kids paperwork everyday. My kids have choices from music lessons, to computer training, to other after school activities, with new items coming up daily.

She scheduled this during his visit time. Just because she isn't held accountable doesn't mean she shouldn't be.

I am the one that handles all school stuff for my kids..their dad conveniently forgets when I send them with projects they need to work on over his weekend. Always some excuse why he couldn't get to it, even after I've told him they are due and he is aware.... so from the OTHER side perspective,

I would still be ticked off if I were you. It doesn't seem like you are trying to micromanage or expect her to be your secretary. It doesn't seem like you want to be a Disney dad... and this isn't just a day trip to the zoo, this is something that was a much bigger event and anything that's going to cut into time scheduled with my EX, I absolutely would give him a heads up on.

What would really piss me off though is the next of kin shit. Those are some brass ones she must have! Wow! I would be hurt and angry. And I absolutely would have to say something there. Are you sure that everything you send to her solicitor is actually getting to her and not added to a file? That needs to be addressed straight up as unacceptable.

What does her family think of all this?!

Anyway, I know teachers have a lot going on, but I would personally have a conversation with your kids teachers and tell them what is going on. You aren't badmouthing your stbx if what you are saying is factual and perhaps they can add you onto any email correspondence. I would also talk to the front desk at the school and insist that HE not be on paperwork, he has NO legal rights to your children....

The fact she signed Gru up as the person to notify in case of an emergency is pretty ballsy.

But it's just another nail in her coffin.

What a classy piece of work

k9

AAS, if ever there was a stbxww that embodied track 16 off Dr. Dre's "The Chronic" album, your WW fits that bill. I will be listening to that song in your honor this evening on my way home.

I just want you to know...were all counting on you.

I never expected, when I found this site, to get so humanly and viscerally invested in the trials of strangers. People like yourself give me a hope for the world I think maybe I'd lost along the way.

Not to put the pressure on.

I agree AAS she should have informed you too, in the best interests of the children and because it means that you loose out on one of your days, it's just common courtesy really. It is not the schools responsibility to inform you of EVERYTHING.... they'd need a whole other department to manage that otherwise.

You could speak to the school, and make them aware of what happened, it's true that notes go in school bags and you're very unlikely to see them if it's not your day.....perhaps you could also mention to the school to make sure you are listed as NoK as Gru the poo has no legal rights there, see what they say, it might help you next time you are in court.

Have you considered getting your solicitor to write to her asking for the day you've missed to be given on another day, maybe you have them weds and a Thursday night?. I say this as if she says no (likely) it again shows her not acting in the best interests of the kids/fairness etc and also if she were to agree it may support you down the road when you go for multiple nights, some of which may be during the school week. I remember my legal advisor saying that if something had happened (ie two week nights in a row) then at a later date she says no, it can be brought to the judges attention that she was fine before so why not now?. Something to think about?

My brothers ex WW tried this on twice, booking a holiday during his time during a half term and not notifying, and the Christmas play one of his sons was in for the first time, one of the teachers let him know as she noted he didn't have a ticket and he went and saw his son in his first play, much to the annoyance of the WW who had tried her best to keep him out of it, probably so she could badmouth my brother to his son about not attending. Foiled both times as she had to allow him to have a whole week of half term as shed booked a whole week half term holiday......

You sound like you are continuing to stay strong during this waiting period till the next court hearing, just remember that she is hanging herself if she continues to behave in this deplorable manner.

Strength to you, you are doing so so well.

Light

MM

Edited for spelling mistakes and grammar.

[This message edited by mountainmomma at 10:15 AM, March 1st (Saturday)]

I thought I was just made that way and that I was emotionally stunted, disliked intimacy and treated sex in a male way, ie cold and without emotion.

> I realise that Gru is all new and exciting but I feel something for him I've never felt for anyone else, ever.

Sorry you are hurting, AAS. Hang in there, so many on this site are pulling for you.

I quoted the above portions from page 2(?) because I found it very illuminating. Gru has decided to make a life with a woman he knows is quite capable of betraying her husband, and who describes herself as "emotionally stunted."

I don't envy Gru.

Hello folks,

I've very much enjoyed reading your messages of support. I find this forum utterly amazing.

An update for all interested parties:

During our last financial hearing the judge stated that each party had to submit examples of our housing needs for ourselves and for each other. The judge specifically requested that neither party take the piss by suggesting that they need a mansion while the other can live in a trailer. That sounded reasonable to me, especially as I would never want my children to live in a house that was inappropriate. Guess what CSTBXWW did?

She provided examples of large 4 bed detached properties for her and Gru and the children. A room for each child. Not unreasonable. Didn't need to be detached but OK I thought.

However, she provided examples of properties she thought would be adequate for my needs. 2 bed flats, no garden, ex-local authority all at a third of the value to hers. She seems to forget that the children will be spending a third of their life with me. She doesn't even realise the boys would have to share.

Fortunately it all works in my favour and she is very unlikely to get her deluded fantasy come to fruition.

Other news: Due to her antics regarding not letting me see the boys over the school holidays I wrote to the court to request a much earlier final hearing. My fingers were crossed that I might get a date before the Easter holidays. CSTBXWW was adamant that my request would fail.

I heard today that the judge has listed it for 17th March. Two weeks today! Holy shit! This will all be over and a judge will rule in two weeks. I can't wait.

I'm really pleased but also shitting a brick, just a little bit.

And finally, CSTBXWW got into a text war with me recently:

I said "Telling lies to yourself is the only way you can live with what you've done. I get that. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I'd done what you've done"

She replied "So, what have I done? I left you. That's all"

Wow, just wow

All, you really need to stop getting into text wars or any other type of texting with her.

These can be used against you.

k9

So very glad you've got an earlier date for the final hearing. Every finger and toe is crossed in hopes that all will go as it should for you and your boys.

Sending you positive mojo and tons of patience to hold the line over the next two weeks, as I am confident the crazy will ramp higher and higher as the hearing date approaches.

Buckle in, shields up, and hang tight, aas.

I am thrilled to hear that you've gotten an earlier date.

Now if only the Judge can mix up the requests and grant you the 4 bedrooms(detached), all will be well.

Mojo!!!

That's great your hearing date has been brought forward!. Often they will do it if this sort of behaviour has happened. No more texting now ok!!!!! Promise!!!!!. She will try to use it against you in court. No showing her she's got your goat up or has an effect on you. Nothing. Crickets. Radio silence. Perhaps it's best to stick to solicitors only at present, as she'll more than likely try and draw you in to make you out to be a psycho to the courts.

Please if this is the final hearing fight to the bitter end for what you want, hope you don't mind me asking - are you going for 50/50 custody? I'm a little confused as to the final hearing being so quick as it seems in your case, usually the courts don't like doing a final hearing of children till the divorce stuff is almost at an end or is at an end.

What a twat she is by doing that with the houses, I hope she gets utterly flamed by the judge for that, not listening to the judges do piss them off royally. What is she the bloody queen?. Such a piss take. She doesn't need 4 bed detached!.

I'm sure your solicitor will be on the case, make sure they are. Let her rile herself up between now and the 17th and show herself for what she is.

Thanks for the update

Stay strong you can do this .

MM

AAS,

Good news on the date!

Now, let the court do its work.

Do NOT engage her in texts. Your ego can wait.

Nothing. Crickets. Radio silence.

THIS ^^^

Good luck AAS. St. Paddy may be good to you this year.

aas, I've been away and only just caught up on this past weeks events. So forgive me for being late - but Gru as next of kin? Wow. I can't even say any more than that because I am just stunned by that. I can't even imagine the feelings that must have evoked in you.

...but Great news on the court date! My fingers, toes and even my eyes will be crossed for you. After following you all this way I pray you get your justice.

I'm really pleased but also shitting a brick, just a little bit.

Me, too! Honestly, I can't believe how invested I feel in the outcome of your court hearing. I know I don't post much on your thread as everyone else seems to cover what I want to share with you. However, I read diligently all your posts. It has been a long time coming. You have handled all the hits that CSTBXWW has thrown at you with class and dignity. You really are a fine man, a wonderful, fantastic loving father and you didn't deserve any of this shit. (((allatsea)))

Some lighthearted humour for today

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2573125/Wife-takes-VERY-passive-aggressive-advert-newspaper-revenge-husband-having-affair-getting-woman-pregnant.html