SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So sorry that this is happening to you. Take your time to figure out what YOU want. We are all here for you. Come here for strength. Remember to take care of yourself. Hugs.

Thank you all.

I decided to out him to his family. I kept XWH's secrets and that just allowed him to continue his cheating.

I'm not making that mistake again. Whether WH continues to cheat or not is on him, but I'm not keeping his secret. My sister-in-law wrote back, very supportive, but her husband (WH's older brother) hasn't responded. I also wrote to his mother a few minutes ago, so no response yet on that one either.

Can you all help me?

I'm trying to gather my thoughts and put together lists of things.

First, my conditions for R and the other questions I have regarding this activity.

What were your conditions and what would you ask if you were in my place? I am a "need to know details" person so I know exactly what I'm dealing with.

My three conditions for R so far are:

1. Full STD panel and results in my hand within the next week or so.

2. Full access to all accounts (usernames, passwords) and if anything gets changed or deleted, all bets are off.

3. Shut down all social media sites including Facebook and gaming.

You've lived and learned so do what you need. If they choose to not be supportive, that's on them or him if he downplays it. Either way hold your head high.

I can't believe what I'm reading. My heart breaks for you, Gaby. You are one of the strongest members on this site; also one of the smartest.

Try to slow down. Not to give him a break; to give yourself time to think. Not sleeping and not eating are messing with your head now.

As for terms for R, those have to be yours personally, so give yourself a break and don't think about it yet. Make him tell you what he will do; then you can gauge where his head is. Protect yourself and do whatever is necessary to calm down. You don't need a DV charge as well.

I wish I was closer. Hang in there; we've got your back. (((((Gaby)))))

I can't believe you are having to deal with this again. I am so sorry.

((((GabyBaby)))))

I'm sorry Gabby. Count me in the camp with having to read this a couple times to make myself believe it was you.

Remember, one day at a time.

((((Gabby))))

So Sorry ((((Gaby)))...

I agree with Sad... make him tell you what he will do to reconcile.

Take a deep breath and really think about if you are willing to be the infidelity police again. Try your best to do only the things that you can live with. I know that this might be an unreasonable request, but try to take the emotion out of your decision making.

I'm so sorry. This is horrible.

Dig deep for the strength and courage that it took you to overcome your exh s' betrayal.

((((((Gaby)))))) I am so sorry.

Do you have $$ for a poly? Honestly, if anyone on this earth ever asked me for a second chance after everything I've been through I think I would march them straight to a lie detector test to get it all out. There is NO time or energy for TT garbage at this point.

You get time to figure this out, love.

I've been thinking about you all day. You know I'm a car ride away if you need.

(((GB)))

Money is so tight right now that on some pay days, I have to decide whether we're putting gas in the tank or food in the pantry.

A poly would be great, but I need to research local people and dig up the money.

Thanks Jrazz...no road trips just yet. Besides, I need to let you know whether to bring bail money before you set out.

I calm down, then he says something that minimizes what he did, I get a flash of his red bow dick pic, and I see black again.

GabyBaby, I too did a double take when I saw your name under the title. Never in a million years did I think your H would do this to you. You are such a strong person and have a huge support base here. I wish you peace while you sort through this dung heap your H has created. I hope his family supports you. (((GabyBaby))).

2X loser here as well. What killed me was my second WW knew that if she did something it would damn near kill me.

And she did it anyway.

((((GabyBaby))))

Oh my freaking god I want to kill right now.

As a new member, I don't really know your journey but it sounds like this is the SECOND time with a different guy you are going through this shit with. While that has GOT to be painful, you NEED to reign the anger back because as you well know, you DO NOT want to wreck your future by needing bail money. My mantra in my divorce was I wasn't going to hurt my exh or his slut in anyway because I would ultimately be the loser not them.

You sound smart. If I were you, there WOULD BE NO terms for reconciling just an eject button.

Maybe if he had to actually earn money he wouldn't have time to tie red ribbons around his dick and send pics out to hook ups.

I'm so angry for you, GB, that I can't even think of anything helpful to say. Just know that you have a huge fan base here of people who care about you.

2X loser here as well. What killed me was my second WW knew that if she did something it would damn near kill me.

And she did it anyway.

He was with me when I was going through my divorce. I told him about everything (and he saw a lot of XWH's antics) so he KNOWS.

And he did it anyway.

Maybe if he had to actually earn money he wouldn't have time to tie red ribbons around his dick and send pics out to hook ups.

Right?! I've been making life very easy for him and obviously it wasn't appreciated. That stopped yesterday.

Just more hugs (((((Gaby))))))

Right?! I've been making life very easy for him and obviously it wasn't appreciated. That stopped yesterday.

And SOOOOOO glad to hear that!!!

He was with me when I was going through my divorce. I told him about everything (and he saw a lot of XWH's antics) so he KNOWS.

And he did it anyway.

In some ways, I think that makes this worse... right up there with a WS who cheats again after seeing the devastation their infidelity inflicted the first time. To me, there is no bigger "fuck you" to a BS than this.

Add appropriate employment - flipping burgers, triple shifts if needed, to pay down the debt.

no access to computers or technology without you present.

Gaby, you probably don't know me because I rarely post anymore, but I sure know you! I often read your posts and replies because you are so beautiful, smart and witty!

I am in shock FOR you. Unless I'm mistaken, you used to have a different tagline describing your current husband. (eta: but I like the current one! lol) I am SO SORRY!! I am as blindsided (as obviously other SI members are) as you.

[This message edited by mom of 2 at 8:04 PM, July 13th (Sunday)]