I told her i already spoke with my attorney. In reality, I hadn't yet.
There is no harm in confronting her, but why bother? Didn't you already confront her? Didn't she already promise to end it "soon"? Didn't she swear on someone's grave already? Didn't you just find out that it was all just words, "blah blah," that she's still planning secret meetups, still lying about it, still absolutely no evidence of ending it? She said she would end it "soon," but did she even bring the subject up again?
You said it yourself, "Blah Blah." She doesn't care what you say, or what you threaten to do. She didn't care that you already had "spoke with my attorney." Either she figures you for "all talk no action" or she just doesn't care. Will she care when she actually is served? There is only one way to find out.
But the time for talk is over. No harm in talking, but if you do, it's all just lies, and it's all just a waste of time.
Luke, this is how it plays out just about every time. Your case is fairly typical. She's not going to just end this; she thinks you will allow the affair to continue, that you will not do anything about it, or at least not enough. Nothing you SAY will make her think you are serious.
If I were in your shoes, I would just go see an attorney and file for divorce. Don't say a word to her about it. Let her come to you to talk after she has been served. Really, do not even bring up the affair again. Let her bring it up if she wants to talk. Why should you be chasing after her to save this marriage? Let her chase and beg you; SHE is the one who cheated, not you. Live normally with her until she is served. Why waste your breath until she knows you're serious? And then? She may choose to leave you for him. There are no guarantees.
A few truisms from the cheater's script:
1. Don't believe the words, the tears, the look in her eyes - only believe in her actions; her actions won't lie.
2. You have to be willing to lose your marriage in order to save it. An affair is thrilling. The sex in an affair is fantastic, fueled by those new love butterflies and the excitement of sneaking around and having a special secret and not getting caught. Many, if not most cheaters, who follow the script your wife is following won't end the affair until they are forced to by the loyal spouse filing for divorce. You can stop the divorce if she somehow can prove to you the affair has ended. That will be tough for her to do while she still works with the other man.
3. After you have her served, which will likely be a couple of weeks at least, consider letting her very close family and friends know what is going on. You'll have to wait until that time to see if you think it might help the situation. Sometimes it does. When everyone close to her knows about it, you can ask them to try to influence her to give your marriage another chance. Having people know takes a lot of the thrill and excitement of the secrets and the lies and the sneaking around out of the affair. It becomes no fun anymore with everyone knowing. The affair sex becomes ordinary sex again, maybe not even ordinary sex.
(By the way, every single time I have read about a cheater swearing on someone's grave, or swearing on someone's life, it has turned about to be a lie. Every. Single. Time. "I swear on the lives of our children, I didn't do it!!! I swear on the grave of my dear departed Grammy!!!!" I must have read about cheaters swearing like that about 20 times, and it's always turned out to be a lie. I consider it to be a part of the cheater's script.)