SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

You need to go dark.

We all get wanting to take potshots at the person who hurt us, but don't. Anything you say or do can and will be used against you.

k9

So, the browsing history you did and her VAR discovery....any way she had access to YOUR browsing history and found you on this site? As you start the divorce process just keep that in mind and don't tip your hat too much here if that is a possibility.

I hope that's not the case, but you never know.

Change all your passwords and browse the internet on chrome incognito, just in case she's spying on you.

Have the two of you exchanged texts this weekend?

I am sorry for your pain. My first wife did almost the same thing to me. It was like I never existed.

UAB, I am just now seeing your posts. Staying at your brother's is a very good idea. I agree that your WW looking into spy camera's is not good. Looks like she wants to bait you into giving her ammunition. Either that or she is paranoid and is wondering if you might have hid a camera in her car as well. Either way, she's up to no good. I have absolutely no doubt that her going there to "break up" is a load of crap. She's just trying to buy time. Most likely trying to string you along just long enough for her POSOM to get his pension check to help her pay for a lawyer.

As for posting on FB, that's up to you. She already knows your intention to divorce her if she went back to POSOM's. She went = divorce. My only concern is that your son will also see the post. Given that his mother hasn't even given him a second thought in all of her actions tells me that you're the only stable force in his life right now.

While I realize that you have a VAR for evidence, I would be extremely cautious with your WW. If you have to interact with her, an eye witness is even better than a VAR in proving what really happened if your WW were to go even further off her rocker and try to claim that you hit her. A VAR only records what was said. An eye witness testifies to what was done or not done. With her being that far out in La-la Land, an eye witness can't hurt. She has done everything in her power to paint you as a bad guy. I wouldn't put it past her to push this angle to it's limits.

Your WW is toxic. She and POSOM deserve each other. I am positive that they will both bring each other the misery that they so richly deserve.

No FB, no texts, no phone calls, etc. These manipulators believe that they can get their way if they have ANY avenue of communication open with you. It may be tougher for them, but as long as you are communicating (especially feelings), they believe they can put us back in our place. Let your lawyer deal with her now.

So just go dark. She's going to crave closure or the desire to t further manipulate you and by denying both you are 'winning'. By taking it public you were taking it to her preferred battle ground, since she WILL lie.

My suggestion is to clean up your posts here and send them as an email to family and close friends who need to know. You WILL need every one of their support very soon

So just go dark. She's going to crave closure or the desire to t further manipulate you and by denying both you are 'winning'. By taking it public you were taking it to her preferred battle ground, since she WILL lie.

My suggestion is to clean up your posts here and send them as an email to family and close friends who need to know. You WILL need every one of their support very soon

So just go dark. She's going to crave closure or the desire to t further manipulate you and by denying both you are 'winning'. By taking it public you were taking it to her preferred battle ground, since she WILL lie.

My suggestion is to clean up your posts here and send them as an email to family and close friends who need to know. You WILL need every one of their support very soon

UAB, you can block both your WW and POSOM on Facebook. I blocked my WW, MIL, her cousin, SIL and her sister's boyfiend. I don't need them in my life in any way, just as you don't need any thing from those two.

Then you can communicate with whoever you like. Sure, some of your friends may contact her and ask for details or ask you.

I did these things to take control back of my life. I would suggest you handle things the way you want and not give either of those two any consideration. Don't let them have any control or influence on what you are doing.

I'm glad that you took down that FB post.

I hope she enjoys that feeling, that's been my own hell for a couple months now. Complete NC.

Remember -- you do NC because it is what YOU need, not to impact her at all (even though the fact that it *will* impact her is a satisfying side effect).

I meet with my lawyer tomorrow at 10am. I will have him file uncontested divorce immediately.

It won't be uncontested because you are not filing jointly. You will file, she will be served and then she'll have a time period to *respond*. Hopefully your divorce process will be a smooth one.....however, that is not always a guarantee when there are *whisperers* in the mix -- such as many-times-divorced-OM.

I'm so sorry. It had to be hard as hell to leave your step-son at the house and under these circumstances. Do you know whether your WW has returned to the house yet?

As awful as this has been for you, you have done well on following through on boundaries/consequences. Remaining steadfast is the best course of action for your own emotional health.

keep up the good work brother. Look at the positive. You are young, don't need her, and see that attorney tomorrow. Keep us posted through PMs and delete them afterwards.

I am sorry she is a snake in the grass. This is war now and win it !!!!!!

You deserve better

Okay, clearing some things up.

I'm not worried about her snooping. When I first exposed her affair, I changed all my passwords, locked my phone like she did, etc. Also, when I left today, I took the computer. I've been thorough and careful and she doesn't know about this site.

I know the point of NC is helping myself. But, I do take a sad pleasure in her confusion.

Sigh. Mind games with our son have begun.

I received this text message:

Son: Seriously? You tell me I can contact you anytime, then you ignore me and force me to tell mom you left knowing in the back of my mind how emotional she'll get because you're too much of a coward to do it when you won't even see her again? Why do you even bother telling me that you're trying when you know later you'll do shit like this? Stuff like this is why I can't stand you.

Me: Buddy, I know this is painful and confusing for you. I can't apologize enough. There are things going on right now that you're not going to understand. I'm sorry. Do your best to stay out of this to protect yourself from further hurt.

Son: That doesn't give you the right to be a fucking coward. And are you fucking serious? You forced me to get involved by not doing shit to let mom know you had left, so don't give me shit about how I shouldn't get involved. Don't talk to me.

----

I don't know how to respond to that. Or if I even should. Guys, I'm losing everything in my life that I held dear.

Did she come home or stayed with OM.

She came home, after I was gone.

Maybe hang of for a bit on a reply to him? See what others post here? Like you said he won't really understand and the poor kid is caught in the middle, since he isn't legally yours, you are left in a very very tough position.

I'm really sorry this is happening to you man. That might not mean much coming from some guy over the internet but I do truly mean it.

Honestly, it wasn't cool leaving him in that situation.

I would tell him you wish there was another way. I would apologize to him for it. But you were following advice you have received, and you honestly think it is for the best.

How are you? I have been right where you are. I would say as little as possible to anyone except the one person you are closest to.

I wish I had a place like this when I went through my first divorce. Trust me, my ex was much colder than yours is being.

I'm so sorry UAB.

But the situation you were in was impossible.

For your own survival you need to get out.

Your wife caused this anguish for her son -- not you. Remember that.

Your wife caused this anguish for her son -- not you. Remember that.

Truer word have never been spoken. Your wife did this, not you.