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For me it would be the fact that he took OW#3 to the movies where we had our first date. Yep that was their first date also. He took her there without a thought about it. It was a movie I really wanted to go see too.

That I know she put him above me in terms of respect, love, importance. Nothing is taking that pain away. I know it was false. I know he was false - a total fake scumbag. It is a fact - not my hatred, just a fact. But it doesn't matter. I think about what I know about... them... and I can't breathe.

@ Jobin your reply is my thoughts exactly. Looking back on everything I realized how important I really was to him. Wenare in R i guess and nothing for me will ever take that pain away. He was ready to walk out on me and our 2 kids for someone he knew for a month. Turns out he really didn't know her all that well.

For me is was that he kept the affair going over a year after I found out after telling me over and over it was over.

@jobin...I agree with you also. Even now as we try R I sometimes feel like what he settled for because she ultimately walked out on him.

The fact that he was no longer the person I fell in love with

That he fucked her...period! Even if he says she was just an "object"! And that our youngest son was sleeping in the next room...and he never thought of either one of us! Makes me SO livid! I'll probably never forgive him for these things!

Lying to my face.

Hurts like nothing else ever has.

Doing it right through trying to conceive and giving birth to our two children. I was as all-in and physically giving of myself to him and our M as someone can be.

We talked about whether we were in a good place to be adding to the family because year 1 with baby #1 had been tough. Talk about the perfect opportunity to say, "you know what, I'm not ready for this" but no, it was "yes, I love you and want to expand our family".

That he could be so cruel to me.

I was a great wife (if I do say so myself).

When I found out he completely turned on me as if I was the enemy. There was no remorse, no regret, no apology, no attempt to break it off and repair our marriage. Nothing. He cut off my gas card, disabled my email and internet access, turned nasty by calling the police on me and telling them that I assaulted him (to stop me from talking to him). Then, when the court summons came he hid it and I ended up with a warrant out for my arrest. You see, even if he didn't press charges, the state does! I had to get an attorney to defend myself. On the stand (on our 10 yr anniversary) he lied about everything but his name and address. The case was dismissed for lack of evidence. But still. I was out a boatload of money.

When I finally moved out I left his cat and his daughter's cat. He threatened to drop them off on the highway if I didn't come get them. I had 7 pets in an apartment only approved for 2!

There are many more examples of blatant and subtle cruelty. But the bottom line is that I was dumbfounded that he could be so cruel to me. ME!! I never did anything wrong to him. I sacrificed a great deal for him and his daughter. I put up with a lot of shit from his daughter's mother. I wasn't the one that betrayed him! I just found some evidence and started searching and finding more. He was so angry that I busted him. His nice little fantasy of playing with the young stripper ruined his wonderful home. But, it was MY fault for ruining everything. ::::sigh::::

[This message edited by Snapdragon at 6:47 PM, September 10th (Thursday)]

My WH was out of town on a business trip for a full month...didn't see either me or the AP. He came home the weekend before my birthday - told me he was going to be home on Sunday. Well, he actually came back on Friday afternoon and spent the night with the AP (first time their relationship turned sexual). As if that weren't bad enough, he then showed up at home to 'surprise me' on Saturday - I thought he was a great husband for coming home early to see me. Happy birthday to me. He told me almost daily while he was gone how much he missed me...obviously a bunch of bs, he missed her more. That hurts big time.

There are so many it's hard to keep it to one thing. But, I guess, it would be having one of his "friends" at our house right after my Dad died and I was stuck in Europe. Their first real date overnight. In our bed. And he was worried that because of my Dads death he might have to cancel. Poor baby.

That he got his ONS pregnant, like an idiot, and he now will be paying child support through college to a stranger for the next 2 decades.

Me: BW

him: FWH, 4 ons

3 com, 1 oc

In R

That even though now the thought of his cheating and the thought of the other cheating woman makes him feel low, that during his cheating he felt it was so "fun!" and "exciting!"

He sees (and maybe more importantly feels) that that time was really awful, now.

But. There is no changing the fact about how he felt about "her" and what he was doing, at the time. And that sucks.

Knowing OW was in OUR home, in OUR bed and OUR family pictures on wall. For an insane reason, it turned my stomach that my dead mothers picture as well as his dead Dad. Just disrespectful on so many levels.

That I know she put him above me in terms of respect, love, importance. Nothing is taking that pain away. I know it was false. I know he was false - a total fake scumbag. It is a fact - not my hatred, just a fact. But it doesn't matter. I think about what I know about... them... and I can't breathe.

Every specific example I can think of comes back to this, exactly. Well, times two, because there were two of them at the same time. And when I think about just how trashy they were, I cannot help feeling utterly revolted.

Ok so I can't pick just one. A few months after dday #4 WH started hanging out with a female friend that he worked with. I got upset and told him I didn't want him to be friends with females. He then says to me and I quote "I'm not going to apologize over you getting upset over dumb shit"

Nice to know my feelings were dumb.

That he unilaterally made a decision to obliterate our marriage and our family and then completely refused to try to save it. Not me, not our wonderful children, nothing about our awesome family unit, compelled him to try. It was worth at least an effort, even if there were no guarantees of the outcome.

Basically, he listened to his lust, instead of 25 years together, two amazing young adults, a dog, four cats, and a home we worked hard together to build. Never afraid his entire life of hard work, he let us all down when we needed him the most.

That forgiveness thing everyone says you do for yourself and not them...not happening. Re-focus. That's what I'll do for myself. I will be fine. He is not deserving of forgiveness. As long as I live, he will not get that satisfaction from me AT ALL.

Picking one is hard but for now I will say that WH could not man up and say he was having issues. Instead of reaching out to his spouse he turned to someone else.

The fact he will never be the same person to me again. He was my first love, I waited for him...I never, ever thought of having sex with anyone but him. I knew he had sex before me, but there was comfort in the fact that since the first time we kissed no other lips had touched his. No other hands had touched him...since he gave himself to me no other had him. That comfort...that sacredness is forever gone. Our marriage is forever tainted by what they did.