SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I miss you.

Why don't you miss me? Miss us? How can you just walk away? How can you not want to try? How can all we dreamed of and hoped for mean nothing anymore?

How can you not care how sad I am? How can you just have left us and not care? How can you be with her when we are here? How can you walk away so easily?

Did you ever love me? Was it all a big mistake? How could you have spent so many months lying to me and treating me like shot when you were doing what you did? How can you think so little of me that you won't even try? Am I so worthless to you? Is there really nothing at all left?

I did not pay close enough attention to your needs in our marriage. I didn't read all the forums and books until it was too late. Still, you were not a perfect wife either. What's done is done but that doesn't excuse the vile person you've become. Throwing away our marriage to have an affair with another married man is beyond stupid. We could have worked out our issues. If you were truly done, why did you string me along for months while sleeping with the OM, telling lies upon lies when questioned then gaslighting me. Because you are an infant and wanted to eat cake and cannot admit to wrong doing, you made me suffer. I made mistakes, you made mistakes, we're only human. I don't deserve this suffering. We talked almost every single day for a decade and now you shut me out? Yet you want me to call or text or gchat you so you can slam the door on me. You are sick in the head. I won't give you those ego kibbles. If anything, when I finally get over this I will be a stronger man. So thanks for that you rotten bitch.

Really?? You take the kids to a costume party today at the OW house? Using the kids to see her more often - nice move. And it is 10pm and you guys still aren't home. Perfect for their schedules that I have tried so hard to keep for years.

You are a bastard. You win father of the year...

I just wanted to text you last night but didn't. I wondered and wondered where you were; if you were with her?

I keep going over this past months, the lies and wonder how I could have meant nothing to you, how I can mean so little that you can move on and get over our life without a second glance. How can you leave me, and everything that we have built. How can you stand to only see c as and when? How can you hear to miss even a second of her little life by choosing to be hind from us.

I'm going to not contact you. Not that you will notice of care. I know you are gone from me it's just my heart yet doesn't

You bastard and you fucking home wrecker.

I haven't stuck to no contact. I broke down last night. I was so good for TWO days. Ha. Now my heart is racing again and I am back to square one. So stupid.

I miss you. But, I can't say why. Even when we were good, our relationship wasn't. So why do I miss you? Because you were my norm? Because I am "woman who loves too much." Because I always thought I could fix you?

I miss our routine. I miss the nothing that we did. The just having someone around. I just want it to go back to the way it was.

If I was speaking to you, I would ask.....

- Who the hell do you think you are? -

How have you not realised your mistake yet? How are you waking up another day without us and not missing us? Not wishing you were here? Not begging for forgiveness? Just gone. Glad and happy to be away. You broke me. You broke everything we had and you are not even sorry.

I miss you. Come back to me. Please.

I just want what we used to have.

Just own up to taking my engagement ring. I don't know who you think you are fooling. I don't want it. It just kills me that you would take it and lie about it. Wasn't 6 months of lies enough for you. You are the lowest possible scum of the earth. Did you pawn it to fund your affair or is your whore so broken that she let you slip it on her fat finger. You both are so fucked up.

I am better without you in my life. Then I get smacked in the face with a memory and down the rabbit hole I go. Not wanting you back, but wanting to scream in your fucking face. Took kids to the zoo today and noticed the date on the zoo pass. Remembered that day at the end of March when I took the kids by myself and we had a blast. Once again feeling weirdly proud at how the kids and I made a great little team while you "studied" at whatever place you lied to me about being at. See I have a list of times I was suspicious of you and how you spent your time. When I feel like crap that list taunts me. Now I get to add this forgotten day. Then I sat at the park and watched a record number of dads play with their kids. I always had to beg you to come. You don't play with our kids unless someone is watching. Must impress after all. I fucking hate you for being a horrible husband and father. I'm not the reason our marriage sucked. You are. No one respects you anymore. Friends, family are sad and disappointed in you. They see through your bull shit and I didn't have to say one word.

There is so much I want to say to you. Going and staying no contact is the only right thing to do . Anything else puts me at risk. At risk for being vulnerable. At risk for you twisting my words and using them against me. At risk for me being hurt...again.

But I want to tell you what a shit mess you have made of my emotions. I go to bed every night thinking of what a twisted fuck you are and how not to get hurt by you again. I sleep in our son's bed while he is away because you won't budge out of our bed. You are such a great guy. You want me back so bad.

You send me useless pathetic texts saying you will always love me and don't want me to destroy our family. Me. I'm destroying our family. You are ridiculous.

You are a smug self-serving asshole who wants everyone to kiss your ass. When I began asserting myself and standing up to you, you fucking bully, you started fooling around with strippers. No amount of pleading from me could make you stop. You love me so much

You are finally getting the message that I am really, really divorcing you. Yes really. Guess what, I meant it when I said everyone has their limits. I meant it when I said we will never ever have "makeup sex" ever again. You didn't believe me. You thought I would cave in, again. YOU.WERE.WRONG.

You are a despicable human and I hope you die alone in a hole.

I miss your hugs. I miss your smile. I miss your warmth. I miss laughing with you. I miss not hating you.

Hey, Mrs.

I'm so pissed off that you couldn't get through this thing for the sake of us, and our son. We owe him everything in life and to not even give the family life a chance at repairing the damage is just selfish and cowardly.

I'm glad that you've shown me who you really are after all this time, because I'm still young enough to get on with my life and meet someone amazing.

I always saw you as the diamond in the rough, and wanted the best of life for you. You were genuinely happy with your life when our home was so full of love and joy. I can totally see that we lost sight of that, but I can't understand that you wouldn't want to fix it. I used to always ask you 'Is everything ok' and 'is there anything you want to talk about?'

But you would ALWAYS say, 'no. I'm fine'

I hope you can still be a good Mum to our son after all of this. You've been terribly selfish since you moved out and he needs to come first, before OM.

There are quite a few reasons I can think of as to why you went down this road. But they'd just be excuses really. You had an affair and left your family for someone elses husband. You guys destroyed two families to fill your own selfish needs. It's disgusting behavior.

It's hard to comprehend that just 3 months ago you were the love of my life, and now you're one of the people I disrespect the most in the world.

You really talked to an 18 year old girl for two years?? What kind of a disgusting man does this? You knew she had a crush on you. You knew I had a problem with her. We even talked about how inappropriate it is for a 38 year old man to be talking to a high school student!!! How do you see this in other people, but dont get hoe creepy it is for you? And you were MARRIED!!! You seriously fucking talked to her on the phone during the course of our marriage!??? A child??!! Who you knew had a crush on you. You are so pathetic and disgusting. She HID from me! She literally hid her face from me. Are you sure it was just talking? How dare you make me feel less than an 18 year old child??? That an 18 year old has secrets with MY husband, a grown fucking man. You are so disgusting to me. I literally do not know who you are. What else did you do with her? Why didn't you tell me she was texting and calling you? You are twisted. Everything you ever told me about your morals and standards and boundaries was a lie. You are a disgusting man. I don't know how you live with yourself.

You sleep with another woman. So gross. How is this my life? How could you throw everything away? US? We were special. Why the fuck?! How are you? Who were we? I don't understand? I loved you. Now I want to go home and sleep next to you, but I can't. Sucks not to have someone At a bar tonight , I saw a handsome man. I looked down at his ring finger. There was a gold band. I looked at him different. He is committed to another woman. End of story. Why would I have a"friendship" with him? He is MARRIED. Not mine. He made a commitment to someone else. Why did that hoe pursue my husband. His ring meant a commitment to ME. Our families gathered to celebrate our vows. Our commitment. That's what that ring represents. Why not to you? You slutty fucking whore.

Well had an interesting talk with a former co-worker the other day.....who also knows about Romeo and what a real peice of work he is......good luck my dear with your new user boyfriend/fiance/ or whatever he is. When I first seen him I thought he looked a bit like a worn out coke head. Good luck your gonna need it.

Also good luck with your personal "growth". So far in the last year you have got tattooed, nipples pierced, hair extentions, and now the vampire look. Maybe he will buy you the boobs you wanted as well. Because nothing goes better with a fake person than fake boobs. Who are you???? I have no idea but whatever you are is as transparent as glass.

Keep it up. Run away from your problems. Don't bother facing the fact that you so callously decided to hurt me. That you took our family and have ripped it apart forever. Everyone's mask will fall and you keep trying to hold it on. I have already seen what's underneath so you can just quit pretending around me.

Hopefully one day you will figure out what you are looking for. Right now you are content to wander in the dessert.

I'm going to pull the trigger today. Divorce. I'm really going to do it. I have to right? you've given me no choice. Why did you do this? Are you moving your things out today? How could you do this to us? Why did you do this to us? Do you feel like the same man that married me? Or do you feel completely different? You seem completely different to me. How could you sleep with her? How could you do this to us? To the vows you made. Who are you? Where is the man I married? Is this really you? What will you do when I file. i miss the man I married. God, where is he? He is not you. He is gone? How very sad. i loved that man. We have so many memories. Very very good ones. Are you thinking about them? What do you think of when you think of me? You think of the bitter woman I turned into? The bitter woman that you created by cheating and lying to me? By breaking my heart and shattering my world into a million pieces? And now I'm an angry bitter woman who you cant seem to love. Ironic. How is this US? How did this happen? I was good to you. You had everything you wanted? You are so broken. I never even knew.

I'm trying so hard not to contact you or your new wife. I hate you both for what you have done to me and this precious little girl. In time you will realize wat you've done and it will be too late. You are ruining your life you have become someone your not and I've lost so much respect for you but yet I want you back even though I know it won't ever be the same.

I want to talk to you so much, it hurts that you don't want to hear what I need to say, you have stifled me and continue to cause me pain by your refusal. This is why I don't see a point anymore, and it breaks my heart. I'm not saying this to hurt you, I have begged you to hear me, but your heart and loyalty belongs to her, I kept trying to deny it but you get defensive and sometimes attack me anytime I say anything about her, you want to put a protective bubble around her. I'm not going to settle for being second best the way I have for the past 5yrs, it was hell, I cannot go back to that, I cannot accept that for the rest of my life, and I cannot let my kids see that continue. I think you deeply regret hurting me, but you knew you were hurting me - I told you, I asked you to work on our marriage, but you wanted her you didn't care about the pain you caused me, about risking my health or about letting me make an informed choice, so many times I asked you if you were cheating, you knew I suspected. Its been yrs since I felt loved, I stopped confiding in you 4yrs ago, I took my wedding ring off 2yrs ago cos you were all but throwing your affair in my face. There was no shame or regret for what you were doing, I remember you avoiding me, my touch, the smirks, picking fights, constant criticism, namecalling and most of all the gaslighting. I remember telling you I was stepping back, I removed my wedding ring, and you didn't care. Its only when she knocked you back and you saw the grass wasn't greener that you started to say you wanted to be with me. I should never have waited for you to want me all its done is cause me pain, because ill forever know I was never your priority. I love you, you say you love me but love is an action not just a feeling, your actions speak so much louder, I've just been listening to your words which leave me empty and confused, I simply cannot go on like this