SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi Gary. Fellow NJ guy here. I haven't been on SI much since my D was final a few weeks ago...but feel free to PM me if you have questions about divorce in NJ (or anything else) as it's all still pretty fresh in my mind.

A few pages back you asked how long D will take in NJ. Mine took about 8 months...BUT we settled literally on the day of our 1st custody hearing. With basically almost nothing happening at all before the 6 month mark because my EXWW dragged her feet with everything as I expect yours will too. If, by some miracle, you can mediate successfully or work together on a settlement you are looking at 6 months minimum. I don't get the impression that you guys have a lot of assets to fight over...and obviously there is no custody issue....so there is no reason this needs to be a long drawn-out divorce. It also makes her threat of screwing you over and making you poor a joke as well. How can she make you poor? All she can get is some alimony...MAYBE. The house will either be sold or one of you will buy out the other.

I hope your WW's latest note reinforced your resolve as she continues to show you who she really is...and frankly it's game-time now brother. Ignore her...but document. She wants to dig a nice big hole for herself spouting all that nonsense? Hand her the shovel...but do nothing more than that.

Oh and as far as the in-laws seemingly putting the onus on you to fix this....mine did that too. They are the enemy now too. Selfish of them to say I think...selfish like their daughter. Apple usually doesn't fall far from the tree...I can certify that with 100% accuracy my friend.

Thanks to all and especially to SpaceGhost for giving help. It seems you have a lot of respect on the forum here and it means a lot to me that you took time to pass down some advice. I read it and will take what you said vey seriously.

I am grateful for everyone here. I don't vent to much to my friends with this and they all have stuff dealing with too. Mostly my sister but this has been a great outlet. Its good to not feel judged or talk to people that have gone thru same stuff. Expereince from people has been a real education looking at on here. Its been helpful for support or when I needed a kick in the nuts. I need that too.

I am not responding as you guys said. I don't want to get into it and I don't want to say things that would be hurtful. I guess I was naïve that this was going to go ok.

She has taken to facebook I am hearing about it. Luck for her she blocked my sister. But we have mutual friends that are texting me too.

I don't blame her for being hurt to be honest. I mean no matter what she did or is knowing that your life and marriage is changing is upsetting. I am upset. I just wish she didn't have to tell the world about it. But what can you do? She is saying that today her life and world is forever changed. That people you thought were your soul mate and partner in life doesn't feel the same. Posting how when you get burned by guys and one comes along to let you love again and than takes that away is worse than all of them. I mean how much longer will she be like this?

My lawyer did call me back. She is wrapping up a big hearing so her time is been distracted but her assistant is keeping her posted. She said mostly what you all told me, keep letting her text, put her into voice mail, don't engage in public back and forth and so on. She told me that this will stop once she gets a lawyer cause more likely they will tell her to stop.

I do love hearing from "our" friends not my friends that I had before meeting my wife all are like you got to give her a chance, you guys cant get divorced, anything can be fixed. I don't know if they are saying that cause they know their wives will be telling them not talk to me soon or what but I really don't want to hear it.

SpaceGhost, thanks again for posting.

It gives me the warm fuzzies to imagine her foaming at the mouth while composing those, but it is known that I am a shallow man.

Really wish you the best. I know what a crap sandwich this is. All I can say is protect yourself. We are all pulling for you.

anything can be fixed.

Yes, and everyone wants YOU to fix something you didn't break. Amazing how almost no one around you gets this.

I don't blame her for being hurt to be honest. I mean no matter what she did or is knowing that your life and marriage is changing is upsetting. I am upset. I just wish she didn't have to tell the world about it. But what can you do? She is saying that today her life and world is forever changed. That people you thought were your soul mate and partner in life doesn't feel the same. Posting how when you get burned by guys and one comes along to let you love again and than takes that away is worse than all of them. I mean how much longer will she

Nothing unusual for a cake eater. This is common.

Translation: Boohoo. I just had an innocent affair with the neighbor and he wants a divorce. I didn't screw him but 17 times. Why can't you get over it????

Yes. Spaceghost is da man. Listen to him. He's Bruce Lee of SI.

And yes, read NMMNG.

[This message edited by french123 at 6:55 PM, May 4th (Wednesday)]

Any guy I know, if I told any of them, my wife brought in another man into my castle in my bed, doing the acts she did that you never got, with a loser of a guy like that one, a real wuss wolfing down blue pills, they would tell me, "divorce that b."

Any male friends that bring up "give her a chance," either their wives are using their phones or they don't know the real deal. Any guy who messaged me that, I'd let them know, "OK dude, let me do your wife in your house in your bed and tell you what shit you are, then let's talk."

the great Spaceghost has opined and said what many of us tried to.

You know her deal, Gary. Protect yourself and win this for your own benefit. Maybe 'win' is a bad word because there are no winners but you are young and have your life ahead of you.

Move on and ensure your protection and happiness.

Thanks SG for interjecting

I was afraid that having two jobs may hurt you in divorce with the income you were bringing in.

I agree Craig !

Please tell me you've taken steps to protect your finances.

Gary

How are things going with the crazy train

Lionshare, its not going ok. I only say that cause the reality of me going to be divorced has hit me and that makes me sad but I know I need to do it. My wife forced my hand and I need to keep reminding myself this. But I feel like my marriage failed and I was a part of it.

Pretty much everyone knows now since she made it so public on facebook and I hate that. I feel like more than ever when I see people they are like hey there is the guy that got cheated on.

I am mentally and physically exhausted. I cant stop thinking about it or what is in store for me down the road with all this. My wife still is texting and calling. After about 50 hateful texts yesterday she totally changed her tune later. Telling me that she loves me and we are good together that it can still work. She wanted me to come over and have takeout from one of our fav places we went to. Oh and the topper can I also fix a problem in the bathroom too? Unreal.

I turned down the invite as I didn't want to get into that. So this morning it was back to hate and how I have hurt her more than anyone ever has to her. I am tired of it all.

I am mentally and physically exhausted. I cant stop thinking about it or what is in store for me down the road with all this. My wife still is texting and calling. After about 50 hateful texts yesterday she totally changed her tune later. Telling me that she loves me and we are good together that it can still work. She wanted me to come over and have takeout from one of our fav places we went to. Oh and the topper can I also fix a problem in the bathroom too?

the exhaustion. Yes. We get it. Hang in there, Buddy.

As for the rest? I'm sorry to laugh, but damn. Got manipulation?

One day at a time Gary

Gary, how's IC going?

Has he/she recommend to you that you stop accepting/reading her text and instruct your stbxw that any essential communication should be done via your lawyer or a trusted friend?

That will greatly reduce your exposure to her verbal diarrhea, which is frankly mentally and emotionally abusive in its substance, if not (at least not yet) in its effect. Why torture yourself by continuing to have open lines of direct communication with her?

Have you had a chance to read some of the No more mr. nice guy book and implement some of the advice therein?

Are you still going to baseball tomorrow? I really admire that. And looking back baseball with a young kid is a memory I cherish.

from 50 hateful texts to "Gary...I love you...please fix my toilet". Then back to trashing you again.

It's all about HER ain't it buddy? She could care less about your pain.

I cant stop thinking about it or what is in store for me down the road with all this

Healing is down that road. Your days as her walking wallet will be over. Your days of wondering and/or looking over your shoulder for the next shit sandwich will be over. Down that road is something better than this.

Hang in there buddy

After about 50 hateful texts yesterday she totally changed her tune later.

Sounds bipolar or she was just being nice so you would fix something.

Try and stop blaming yourself, you did not do a single thing wrong. You worked two jobs, and she worked zero doing what she did.

You did nothing wrong at all.

As far as her telling everyone on FB, etc, nothing but damage control on her selfish end.

50 Hateful Texts sounds like it might make a good name for a title for a movie or a book. Who would play your wife?