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One of the most frustrating things I have ever known in life is knowing if my ww did x, y and z, we could reconcile and be happy. And also knowing that she wanted to reconcile.

It seemed so fricken obvious. IF THEY COULD JUST LISTEN!

But that was the problem - maybe they never really listened at all. And time passes, and you realize the cost of holding onto the hope. My first ww - she didn't listen. And it slipped through her fingers.

My second eventually did.

She was still posting stuff on facebook over the weekend how she has been betrayed and how her life sucks. I got some texts over the weekend asking for me to see her and how she used to feel so special but now she doesn't

Yup...she's the betrayed. Gimme a break. You're just a big ole meanie Gary...why aren't you making her feel special? And why haven't you fixed her damn toilet?

One day you will look at these actions of hers and say to yourself that she actually made dumping her EASIER for you.

[This message edited by Sybo at 11:50 AM, May 10th (Tuesday)]

One day you will look at these actions of hers and say to yourself that she actually made dumping her EASIER for you.

This.

I saved the crap that XW put on Facebook. When I thought about trying to reach out, I just reviewed them (or waited a day or two for her to start shit). Instant reminder that I was/am better off without her.

redsox13, that sums up my thought process from the start. She didn't have to do much, just SOMETHING and i would have worked on it. She thought being sorry was enough. I wonder one day she will look back and see damn all i had to do was this and we would still be together? Or maybe i am wrong. Maybe she doesn't want this marriage anymore and this is her way of getting it.

I surprisingly have held strong on not really engaging her but i def think she talked with an attorney yesterday. Her nonstop texts and calls stopped last night. This morning I got a single text from her saying not to come to the house today and take her son to baseball like I always do. That she is requesting that I not go and could I confirm I will do this? Totally different way of talking from her.

On top of that we have a mutual friends that were throwing a 40th bday party for the husband this weekend. He texted me too this morning asking if it would be ok if I didn't go as it would eliminate any problems. He was like its not my call or wish but we figured it be easier to ask you not to go, sorry.

That doesn't even bother me its that here we are our marriage crumbling and my wife is worried about who goes to a stupid party. While I am barely sleeping and upset this is happening.

Her text from her son reads like it was written by a lawyer. I have little doubt that is behind the text but the request for a confirmation just screams that all of this is true.

redsox13, sorry I might have not been clear that text was from her about not picking her son up. he didn't text me. But I agree asking for confirmation was way of our character for her to talk to me like that.

Yup. I agree. She saw an attorney.

Now you need to start focusomg on yourself. Let her carry on however she chooses. C9ntinue tto VAR ANY AND ALL interactions. Continue to have someone monitor her facebook. If she is outright bad mouthing you or saying untrue things you can go after her on defamation of character.

You uave been far too kind and tolerant. She may get that now. You could throw her out of your home. You could cut her off financially completely and totally and the attorney probably told her this and now she realizes just how tenuous she has made this situation.

However I also think she has such an NPD, and sense of entitlement that she will quickly tire of being a decent person and act like a spoiled 2 year old quite soon. Be prepared.

She thought being sorry was enough.

Negative. She thought saying sorry was enough.

Definitely she has some personality issues. The constant refrain about her being special, you said you always would make her feel special, other man made her feel special, she used to feel so special. Special, special, special. She has a screw loose. I know people can be selfish, but she has been unusually blatant about it. Most at least try to act like they care about other people, too.

That guy uninviting you from the party was not your friend. Is he one of the people who let you help fix their house?

[This message edited by wk55hn at 3:19 PM, May 10th (Tuesday)]

While I am barely sleeping

Please, go see your doc about some sleep aids. The OTC ones can make you groggy. The Rx ones can be awesome. Give you a good night's rest, which you REALLY need.

Remember, first order of business is always self-care. Hydrate, eat, sleep, exercise. You are doing great, Gary. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you really are.

special. special. special.

Wow. That made me laugh out loud. Yes, she is pretty sure she is so special and you should have been grateful for the opportunity to wait on her. Geez.

Keep on the path, Gary. You are going to be just fine.

wk55hn, I know she is a little out of control on the special needing. But we all have our quirks just hers is not great for a marriage when something goes wrong.

I cant blame the guy for asking me not to come too hard, it was totally his wife probably flipping out about it. Not the first guy to cave in for a wifes demands right? But he is not a friend of mine solely. We met them thru other people years ago and hit it off. But the friendship is more meaningful for my wife than it is for me. Plus with the way she has acted I wouldn't take a chance she would not cause a scene there and make a big deal at his party. Who wants to deal with that?

I imagine this is not the last. I am sure my wife has sent a full blast communication out that I am to be cut out of stuff. That is fine, I am not sticking around here after the divorce is done anyway. But my wife will be. She has roots here and to be honest she will need these friends. She doesn't have a ton outside of them here and I have my own before I met her. So I rather her stay with them for stuff fine with me.

She might be bad mouthing you and might be spreading misinfo about you in social circle(abuse, mistreatment) etc . So, be careful.

I imagine this is not the last. I am sure my wife has sent a full blast communication out that I am to be cut out of stuff. That is fine, I am not sticking around here after the divorce is done anyway.

You've mentioned leaving a few times. Normally, I'd say don't let her run you out of town but... With your WW I believe it would be a daily battle and you would live in constant fear of running into her, her making a scene, her showing up at work... In your case I your best bet is to make a clean divorce and get out of town to start a new (better) life.

Besides the regret that it didn't work, and loneliness are you feeling at least feeling less stress?

I'm just glad you finally woke up and saw the light.

It's amazing at what some will do or put themselves through to "save the marriage".

What you are seeing now is what you really mean to her. Nothing.

Sorry man but you have dodged a huge bullet and will get out of this secure enough to start another life.

Plus you gained tons of wisdom.

Best wishes to you

kimichi, I really hope you are not right about that. I expect her to bad mouth me in simple ways, I was bad at this or what a jerk I was about that. I get it and I know or imagine she is hurting so that is not going to upset me. I would hope she would have some respect for me and not say things that could be serious accusations and such. But thanks for the heads up.

Freeme, well exactly what you listed is why I don't want to be here. I would be running into people all the time or see her probably. Plus I am not a suburbs guy really. I moved here cause her family and son were here. But I am not a big fan of it. I used to live in more of a city atmosphere and would like to get back to that. Plus I don't think this area with knowing everyone I want to try and start over and someone knowing all my business. Its pretty sad that I have heard from some people fishing for details and I am like guys my life is really shitty right now its not a reality tv show. But I have lived and seen this first hand with my wife and the other women she hangs with, just now we are the story. No thank you for me.

I am staying here for now till the divorce is over and I see what I am dealing with. If I get lucky and can still have a relationship with my step son I don't want to be far. I want to be able to see him easily. If that is the case I will probably move to Philadelphia. I can work there and its only like 15 minutes over the bridge where I live now but it seems like a total new world. If the divorce goes bad and its a crappy deal to see my step son I would ask to transfer to DC area. If I get this new job I put in for I could totally transfer to that office and division. A lot of friends I have from before live close by, my sister lives closer to there in VA. I could start fresh there maybe.

I feel less stressed in that there is not battling myself on what I am going to do. Filing was a big step for me. It made things seem real. I still miss her and her son. I do feel lonely at times but at least I am not trying to force my marriage to be fixed when it was not going to happen.

Marc878, thanks I appreciate that. The people here have been really great and helpful. It gave me the push I needed to do something you know.

I would ask to transfer to DC area. If I get this new job I put in for I could totally transfer to that office and division. A lot of friends I have from before live close by, my sister lives closer to there in VA. I could start fresh there maybe.

I am constantly taken back by the amount of sacrifices you made to keep your wife happy. Sounds like you not only worked two jobs to keep the income level up so she didn't have to change her lifestyle but you could have easily moved and only worked one job and gotten more pay but... didn't want to make her and her son move. These things seem so natural for you to do and not even think about...because it made her "happy".

You are going to do well where ever you go and I think you will be blown away when you meet someone that actually see and appreciates everything you do.

My one concern for you is that you will not fight too hard in the divorce. Please do not let this be the case. From a legal standpoint the marriage wasn't that long and you really don't want to be tied to this woman via support payments of any kind. I know you still care about her and her son but you need to care about you and your future more.

I'm also wondering how you are going to go about selling the house. I'd keep on top of this with the lawyer because with your wife it's going to be a long process. I'm guessing that she thinks you will just "Give her the house"...and with her not being a "cleaner" and you not being around... I'm guessing the house is going to be a be mess if you wait too long to sell it.

I agree with Freeme

Hoping his lawyer will keep him from being too generous. She should be pushing him for the outcome in his best interest. I'm sure they see this all the time?

Gary,

You seem like a guy who can handle life with a good head on your shoulders. Taking actions, making plans, with only a minor blind spot toward your wife.

With a little work on your mate picker, your life after this suck-storm is over is gonna shine, my man.

I only wish I could see the big ole smile on your face when you get your new future life sorted out, with a new better wife (one you don't settle for scraps from). One who appreciates who you are. Maybe a baby of your own. Good times are ahead!

Freeme, thanks for your insight. And I agree with you. I didn't think of it as a sacrifice doing that for her but I see your point now. And I am going to be fully honest I don't know how hard I am going to be in the divorce. Not going to sugar coat it with you all. I don't want to be that hateful spouse that gets nasty and wants her to get nothing. I want to be fair. I don't like her now but I did and still do love her. I just hope she sees that and accepts both of us walking away happy.

My plan is now that she has been served and knows the process is starting for her to gradually move to her parents house. I think it will be good for her and her son to be there. Put the house on the market and go from there during the divorce proceedings. I didn't want her out right away and have her son more confused than he is. My wife is a lot of things true but I don't think she will damage the house. In her mind she probably thinks she will get money out of it.

SquirrelFace, thanks man for the well wishes. All that seems so foreign to me at the moment. My mind is so worn down with all of this I hardly think about my life post divorce except moving. I told another valuable poster here that I don't know what to think of on dating and that world now. All I know is I wont be the middle age cliché guy. I have a friend recently divorced and he is all over dating these 25 year olds and such. Sounds good in theory but I don't see me going down that road. I want someone that I can enjoy their company and same interests. Maybe my attitude will change but right now I feel like my marriage failed and I am part of that no matter what happened. Getting married or kids is so far from my head. I doubt I go there again.

Sorry this is just be rambling. I just want this over with. I feel like its a boulder on my shoulders the unknown with what will happen. I want the final results in so I can move on fully.