SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Crickets are best.

But if you do reply....(some random thoughts)

First, just let me say YES, you are sorry. You're a sorry excuse for a woman and a mother. Very pathetic.

I don't need you to tell me what WAS happening between you and MY husband. He has told me everything.

What is it that makes you think you are an adult? The fact that you can spread your legs or suck on a married man's cock? My husband only loves one woman, and it's not you. There is no 'decision' to be made. He made a very bad decision to be with you on any level and completely regrets it. 'As he explains to me.'

You never had anything 'special' with my husband. You were a dirty secret he had to hide from all of the people in his life that he actually cherishes. You are not included in that circle and never was or will be. You were never Plan B and will certainly never be Plan A.

You haven't been able to communicate with him because he has kicked your ass to the curb and wants nothing to do with you. Open your eyes, you were used and it's over.

I saw the texts from the other day, did YOU not read them??? I have no interest in any future communication with you. Move on.

i'd respond with "omg r u ok? can you not talk becuz she's there? idiot."

Crickets. Anything else validates her... which of course is what she's looking for.

OWs are quite often needy women with underlying self-esteem issues. That's why getting with a married guy provides such strong ego kibbles. It makes them believe they are somehow superior to the betrayed wife.

Even negative attention from you validates her as an entity. It provides drama and allows her to believe she's somehow in your league. She's not.

Don't feed the troll.

I'd be too tempted to respond:

"Stupid bitch! I've already seen the texts you were sent, and there is no mention of his love for you. Is not the body count of your destructive business practices high enough for you? Have you so lost your moral compass that you can't admit when you're no longer wanted? Grow up and put your daughter as your priority, instead of trying to manipulate me to seeing things differently than the reality that so clearly is staring you in the face. I'm not keeping him from you!"

Give her to us, TOC. We'll communicate with her. She's hungry. Soooo hungery...

Oh.. and don't forget to block her from your FB. She shouldn't have ANY method of electronically stalking you.

Crickets to her. Forward to your STBX. He's in for a hell of a ride. LOL!

I just wanted to say that you give me hope. Your story is truly inspiring.

Wow... This line killed me.

He should be able to decide w/out pressure. I know he cares about me bur feels an obligation to you because he met you first. This is how he explains it to me.

I'd want to forward the whole message to WH with one line about "I will stop the pressure." You are no longer obligated to be with me because we met first." I'd cc: dog woman. Or

"Want you to know that while you are courting me OW believes you are in a relationship with her. Which is it? Doesn't matter....I didn't, sign-up for this Jerry Springer Show." and cc:OW

I know others are going to feel this would be you giving your ok to send him straight to dog woman but I don't think he wants that. I think he is too much of a coward to cut her off completely...and it will give him an idea of what letting her down slowly is doing. He has got to see what stringing this woman along is doing to any chance of R. That she is telling you that Affair is still on.

I think he has had some communication with her as why would she want to send the texts you sent her? They basically told her to back off - that it's over, that he loves his wife. She wouldn't send those to you.

It's very telling that she did not you to tell WH about the email...It makes me want to send it to him right away.

[This message edited by Freeme at 8:43 AM, October 31st (Monday)]

THIS. Every word of what ChamomileTea says:

Crickets. Anything else validates her... which of course is what she's looking for.

OWs are quite often needy women with underlying self-esteem issues. That's why getting with a married guy provides such strong ego kibbles. It makes them believe they are somehow superior to the betrayed wife.

Even negative attention from you validates her as an entity. It provides drama and allows her to believe she's somehow in your league. She's not.

Don't feed the troll.

Crickets are best. She'll feel pretty foolish about that FB message when she finds out how much she doesn't know.

That said...

How fun would it be to tell STBXH, "I'll give you one and only one chance to save this marriage. You will write and send a NC letter, in my presence, to OW and tell her that she meant nothing, you're in love with me, and that she is not to contact us by any means in the future. Then you will block her number, delete your FB account, any other means of contact." Then once he does all that and is eager to begin reconciliation, you say, "Yeah...about that. I changed my mind. I'm still divorcing you." Then drop the mic and exit stage left.

Of course you're better than that and wouldn't do anything so calculated, conniving and evil.

But I would

Sour candy is getting desperate. Her meal ticket is fading away in the distance. She wants to appear as the empathetic, caring mature (let's be reasonable about this, TOC, like mature, intelligent women because, really, do you want to make this poor man sacrifice his happiness simply because he met you first). And really she's a pathetic desperate, immature, sorry excuse of a woman.

It could be, TOC, that STBXWH told her that "if only I had met you first" bullshit. Because, you know, if saying something like that gets you fucked then it's okay. Don't know for sure. Just a probability.

Sounds like your step son is a real man. He did get those characteristics somewhere.

Hold the course. Focus on you. Step away from the drama. I would find it very difficult to not engage with candy (small c in so many ways). Crickets is probably best but man it's hard. Especially when it appears she would be entering a nuclear war with a stone axe. But probably best to reject the temptation.

HouseofPlane - you slay me! I can't stop laughing at your post because I literally picture the c&$t staring in a trance-like state at that and saying, "look how pretty and shiny....." Thanks for a good laugh first thing this morning.

PlanNine:

Of course you're better than that and wouldn't do anything so calculated, conniving and evil.

But I would

Oh, but I would, too. Tempting. Very tempting.

Thankfully I grabbed sleep and now have calmed down after having that bomb lobbed at me feet. Holy hell, welcome to my nightmare. Happy Halloween!!!!

Yeah, so the overwhelming theme here is go silent on her. Great minds think alike, right? I thought that, too, so majority rules and crickets it is. I think this will torment her more than any thing I could possibly construct with words and I so want to torment her. She's a total lunatic so I am sure her own mind will fuck with her much more than I ever could with a reply. And this keeps in theme with my no-drama filled life. I like this idea.

I have time to sit on this for awhile before deciding what to do or say to STBXH. No way I would burden him with this petty crap under his current circumstances. Even he doesn't deserve that.

Wow, you just gotta shake your head and laugh at all of this. What a crazy, fucked up place STBXH has put us. What a monumental and totally unnecessary mess he has made of our relationship.

Definitely crickets.

If you feel the need to reply, write it down and throw it away, or post it here. Sometimes just the writing of it helps.

Strength to you (((TOC)))

[This message edited by Prudence at 8:53 AM, October 31st (Monday)]

Freeme - yes, that line killed me, too. I could easily go back and pick apart her message and let it burn me word for word. If so, that line sticks out as a real doozy along with the fucking word, MATURE. But I'm not gonna let her have that effect on me. I'm taking it in context. This was written by a pathetic, desperate woman after my life and her intention was to do harm. Yes, I am pissed beyond measure that her presence is having the impact on my marriage that it is but she gets no credit for that. WH takes all the blame and gets the award along with it - a lifetime of regret! I'm not even going to give her a second thought. I'm not going to engage with her and give her any level of satisfaction or information.

Happy Halloween all!

Step away from the drama. I would find it very difficult to not engage with candy (small c in so many ways). Crickets is probably best but man it's hard.

Agreed. It's hard not to respond to something like that. What makes it easier though is realizing that the OW will be going to her own FB frantically looking for a response about a hundred times every day for who knows how long.

The worst way I know to punish an attention-seeking OW is to withhold that attention and treat her like the nothing she is.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, when TOC's WH finds out his attempts at R have been undermined, he's not likely to be best pleased. Note how the message included the little caveat, "let's just keep this between us".

The rose-colored glasses come blasting off for many cheaters once the adultery has been discovered. In this case, we're talking about an emotionally immature OW with a kid to raise. Not a very appealing alternative to TOC, who has a lot to offer intellectually and is financially solvent. I doubt he's going to be very understanding about OW's attempt to manipulate the situation.

No way I would burden him with this petty crap under his current circumstances. Even he doesn't deserve that.

Wait until he's released from the hospital then, or share it with someone you know will tell him. Clearly, you don't hate the guy enough to wish him ill, so make sure he finds out that she's been trying to manipulate the situation.

What was interesting for me after D-Day, was that I realized I still loved my husband. You could've knocked me over with a feather by that point because even I didn't believe any love was left there. But if I had wanted to hurt him, punish him, see his life come to ruins.. all I had to do was just step out of the way and let him have what he thought he wanted at the time. She would've done all my work for me. He'd have been broke, sans half his retirement, raising somebody else's kid, dealing with an angry XBH, and wondering who she was sending video of her fat crotch to every day when he went to work. Not a bad revenge, really.

Couldn't do it though. So even if you're sure you want a D (and it sounds like you are), find a way to get this info into his hands. It sounds to me like she's looking for a paycheck with legs.

Wow, isn't she a cupcake

I feel stupider just having read that.

I suppose crickets are best,at least the "mature" thing to do (Yes, I caught that too, I defintately think it was a dig at your age).

But, I'll just share what I did to destroy any thought OW meant anything to my exWH...

I called her on Dday. I had no clue what I was doing on DDday, I just lost it. She was totally denying anything but a friendship, because my WH was able to tip her off by yelling from the background while I was holding the phone "I told her we were just friends!" (BTW, he's my EX now!!)

He left and I kept her on the phone for hours, going off on her, trying to get things out of her. When I said "you're not special anyway, you're not the only OW" I could tell immediately by her tone of voice that I broke her. I could sense it. I could tell she wanted to ask me about it but didn't dare in order to protect my WH , I remember she whispered "I'm not the only one?" like she had never thought of that before. I wasn't lying, I just had never been able to catch him until her.

Then I said "well I'm leaving him, so we'll see if he scoops you up and runs away on a white horse with you". And she made some snotty comment that I would never leave him ( very similiar to the attitude candy has! It is us shrews that are making them stay! ). But guess what? I did leave him, and guess what? He did not end up with her, never contacted her again! Once he was free, why would he need her? He wanted to partake of the smorgasboard of women that is available to single men!

Well I did some other stuff to mess up her life but I don't recommend slipping down the rabbit hole of revenge. It's much better to focus on yourself and your new beginning.

So, if I *was* gonna respond, I'd tell her she's not the only one. I'd destroy any sense of specialness she thought she had (and, I hate to say this, but truly she may not be, he may have done this before or at least inappropriately engaged with different women , but that's not your problem now.) I'd tell her 'you mean these texts? yeah, he asked me how I would like him to respond' and send her a screen shot. And I'd tell her, as I did in my case, that I was already gone so it was funny he hadn't contacted her yet since he already had the freedom to do so. And yes, I would be so tempted to do as someone else suggested and have WH send her a scathing rejection letter.

As far as her message, god I don't even know where to begin. It's a plea for dominance, is what it really is. She wants you, the alpha female, to get out of the way so she's got a snowball's chance in hell. She's convinced herself that you're clinging to the poor man like a ball and chain while he's struggling to get out but darn it you just won't go away! That is much better that admitting the truth to herself: that he doesn't WANT to leave you, that he doesn't WANT to choose her.

She is not sorry, she is a terrible terrible person, it is clear from her message to you. She is smug, cruel, entitled, and delusional. I was neutral about her before that message, but now I would definately warn others not to hire her. She truly is NOT someone I would want to have in my home or near my family.

Or, actually, you should employee crickets and not respond. Something tells me that she will step up the attempted contact. At that point, I'd then get a restraining order on her. And I'd make HIM get the restraining order, just to really show her what her place is to him. And then I'd post a copy of that when I made my yelp review (with names blocked out, of course). Basically, don't respond and she'll hang herself, she seems like that type. She's a spoiled brat who isn't prepared to lose.

TOC -

WOW. Ugh... so proud that you've decided to not respond. I am a "believer" in crickets. Its the only way to go... she wants you to respond. She wants to engage in a conflict because your WH isn't talking to her. But I've got to admit, I don't know that I'd be able to do it.

Once again, you amaze me. Keep being you!

There are not enough cuss words in the English language to describe my feelings towards her and her stupid note to you.

Turn,

I have time to sit on this for awhile before deciding what to do or say to STBXH

Give thought to sharing the content with your stepson so you can remain NC.

I wouldn't give him the actual message. Instead tell him candy's view of her relationship with his father using quotes from her message. That should be warning enough for him to counsel his father: "Dad, I know what you told me what you thought the relationship was...here is her view...".

use the opportunity to reinforce to your stepson your desire to remain NC with his father.

Picture that candy was a hideous, ghoulish presence that came to your (FB) door early on Halloween. She is a trick, certainly not a treat. Close the door on her. She's a freak.

HouseofPlane - you slay me! I can't stop laughing at your post because I literally picture the c&$t staring in a trance-like state at that and saying, "look how pretty and shiny....." Thanks for a good laugh first thing this morning.

Thanks. I do my best work at sunrise.

She's in what she thinks is this beautiful Hallmark movie moment right out of a romance novel, star-cross bullshit and all that, and there's a few ten thousand people laughing at her moronitude, which is funny in itself.

The human comedy, indeed.