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Thanks. HR has not said anything concrete yet but he has not been in the office all week. She turned over her text messages on Tuesday and hasn't heard anything else.

Yes, I agree she is being/has been quite selfish for some time. I am starting to see it when I think back on times past. I agree as well that she is not remorseful. If she could do it all again, I'm sure she wouldn't at this point because she doesn't like how everything ended up, but I don't think she gets it. I think she thinks she is going through hell, but she doesn't know what hell is.

She's nice. I like her. Not the greatest influence (she can be extremely self centered) but otherwise she's fine.

She is not married, is she a man hater, gay or just likes playing around or too busy with work.

I still find it funny they are going to Vietnam when she worked in Guatemala. And that is where I got the aloof feeling from you or your wife.

How do you know there is nothing from HR, is this from your wife?

Lol, not everyone wants to be married. But she travels every year to a new location it seems (she loves seeing the world) so that makes having a real relationship next to impossible.

They were going to go to Mexico or something but the Vietnam trip was cheaper (something like $800 each for travel and accommodations).

Yeah, she as said they haven't said anything. People around the office are just speculating on where he is.

Just checking on you. You've had one tough week but are doing so so so well.

Update when you have a moment.

Thanks. OM still not in the office. No word from HR yet. WW is going to email them today to reiterate that she will not be available for questions they have next week and that she can't make an Out of Office for her email and phone atm because she has no idea where to funnel potential problems or questions.

OM has been with the company for 20 years. My guess is they will say he's done today. Give everyone the weekend to process and maybe eliminate some gossip (prob not but who knows).

I drove by twice yesterday and didn't see his vehicle at her office so he is not there. Gotta be on some kind of suspension atm.

I drove by twice yesterday and didn't see his vehicle at her office so he is not there. Gotta be on some kind of suspension atm.

Why would he be on suspension at this time.

If so, all he gets is a suspension and not fired or a transfer away from your wife, then nothing has happened to fix this problem.

You guess too much instead of knowing.

Can you use another phone or a phone that wont identify your number and name and call work and ask for him, when they say he is not there, ask when will he back, how can I contact him... and better yet, ask if he is on vacation.

His calls get forwarded to his cell (according to my wife).

I was saying he must be on some sort of a suspension while they investigate.

Not sure how big an organization your WW and her AP work for, but HR issues like these require a lot of due diligence, so an immediate suspension is highly unlikely. The investigation could take weeks or even months, it just depends on the company and their policies.

He hasnt been in the office all week and has a canned email response. HR asked her again if she had any additional texts or emails from him. She didnt so not sure what that means.

Her old manager has been coming up and asking her about projects and where they are at and whatnot (Very uncharacteristic) so maybe he knows she us being reassigned to him? No way to tell. I would think while she is gone they will at least decide who she reports to.

Checking on how you are weathering the weekend. Hoping that you have been able to rest and renew a bit since your wife is traveling.

Companies regularly botch sexual harassment claims, that's why there are so many lawsuits won and even more settled out of court with provision not to ever tell the result or the amount.

HR is just a department within the company, and not considered by most other departments as a very important one, especially by the core business line. It is a support function. There is a large range of expertise and competency. There is even a larger range of top executives who will think HR is smarter than them, and therefore willing to go against HR's advice.

If you have an attorney who handles sexual harassment cases, that is the best advice you will get as to how well the final decision results.

Companies are notoriously bad at policing themselves.

[This message edited by wk55hn at 6:38 PM, November 20th (Sunday)]

There is a huge media company in the news recently who completely botched sexual harassment cases and paid a whole shit load as a result. You would think they'd have a top-notch HR department. And it didn't turn out well at all. And those cases were so obvious it is hard to believe why they wouldn't have settled immediately. Your wife's situation is not so clear-cut.

[This message edited by wk55hn at 6:37 PM, November 20th (Sunday)]

Yeah, i guess the proof will be in the pudding. I stopped feeling as great about this "breakthrough" anyways. Im not thinking about OM as much but thinking much more about my ww. I just dont know what to so with all this. I love her and am scared what things will be like if I D but I'm not sure I'll be able to work past this.

Just my view and thoughts…

How come all this focus on OM?

I thought the idea was to get him out of the marriage, not stuck on your mind.

What happens now – after HR – is not in your or your WW hands. Move on. Take the consequences as they come.

The goal of exposing to HR was never meant to be to get him fired or any form of revenge.

Both are definite possible side-effects of exposing, but the REAL reasons has always been to create conditions where maintaining the affair would be extremely difficult; to create conditions conductive to reconciliation and to truly gage your WW commitment to reconciliation.

HR can move your wife, they can fire her, they can move OM, fire him, give him a warning, take his word that he will keep his hands to himself, they can promote him, demote him… whatever. It’s not in your hands. Just roll with the punches regarding HR and what they do.

Once HR takes action – YOU (not your wife) decide if those actions are getting you closer to your goal of reconciliation. If yes, then fine. If no, then you and WW need to head in another direction. That might be to press on HR, might be a new job… whatever. Cross that bridge when you get to it.

So… Driving by her work to see OM car… Don’t.

Not unless it’s to see if WW is still in infidelity.

Don’t make the OM the common enemy for you and WW. He isn’t. Your WW affair is.

I just dont know what to so with all this. I love her and am scared what things will be like if I D but I'm not sure I'll be able to work past this.

What still bothers me is that you are sitting there scared about what to do and what will happen while your wife is off on some exotic vacation with her friend having a great time.

Something about that makes no sense.

I had been super focused on HR and OM. Not so much anymore. Past few days are just me being kinda mad and generally disgusted with her.

She's in Nam now and we chatted for literally 6 min last night. She didnt seem like she wanted to chat much. Not sure if just because or of my being moody. Either way it made me sad, haha. Im gonna get a list of the stuff i think i need and give it to her when she gets back. If she doesnt start working on it asap, i should talk to a lawyer.

She didnt seem like she wanted to chat much. Not sure if just because or of my being moody. Either way it made me sad, haha. Im gonna get a list of the stuff i think i need and give it to her when she gets back. If she doesnt start working on it asap, i should talk to a lawyer.

She is across the world and doesn't want to chat, she has sure seemed to not understand the magnitude of what she has done.

When she gets back, it is time you lay down the law to her. She seems far, far too aloof considering what she did do and the hell she has put you through.

Any word from HR?

Are you able to completely monitor her texts, emails, etc?

Yeah, I agree about her not getting it. She did message me tonight asking to chat. I guess her friend was in the room with her last night, so that makes more sense... Idk about HR. She won't have access to any texts or emails from work while she's gone. I do not have access to her texts but have the ability to log into her email whenever. She deleted everything as soon as it was read, so there won't be anything to see there if she is continuing the A (which I really really don't think is happening).

She is not married, is she a man hater, gay or just likes playing around or too busy with work.

I'm a thirty year old woman and not married. I'm not a man hater, gay, nor do I "play around." I might qualify as being too busy with work ...

... however. Can you please not cast aspersions such as this on us? It's rather narrow-minded. Thank you.

desertmirage, I think you really are looking at this through rose-colored glasses and I'm fairly sure it's going to backfire. I hope everything works out for you and it's going to be okay, though. I don't want anything terrible to pain you again.

If she doesnt start working on it asap, i should talk to a lawyer.

She's had plenty of time to start working on things. Go consult with lawyer now. Perfect timing while she's gone. Don't tell her you are doing it. Use this valuable free time to get yourself prepared for whatever might be coming.

I am not a D cheerleader, but a legal consult is a wise step for anyone in your position.