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[This message edited by DazedandLost at 4:15 AM, March 21st (Tuesday)]

If you hadn't found that email, she would have gotten not only more wanton but more emotionally attached. Many WWs find it hard to detach from OM. If this would have continued, eventually she would have sexually cut you and the other OMs off to be faithful to her lover.

Right now your wife is shell shocked. Numb with embarrassment that some know she enjoyed degrading herself and the same time fighting withdrawal. The excitement of submitting herself in public to so many strange OMs must have given her a high like she's never felt before.

You're going full steam ahead to R hoping that the poly gives you the cover of knowing you have all the info. But have you given thought to if you really want to continue being with her. Is co-dependency putting you on the fast track to eat this sh!t sandwich?

I fear that a married mother that's willingly degraded herself may not be salvageable. The lure of strange can be so strong. After the dust settles in a few months, can she be triggered by a movie, song, or book into wanting to escape boring marriage and parent life for the allure of being....

Don't be embarrassed because you believed her. She's your wife. You want to believe her.

But we have a different perspective. We can see things you can't, because your love and pain is clouding things for you.

You've asked, more than once, that we stop.telling you she's still lying.

We're not going to do that. That wouldn't be helpful. I get that it pisses you off, and you get defensive. And it scares you, because so far, we've been right.

I think she is still lying. That's why it's so.important that she give you a thorough timeline before the polygraph. So she can't say she forgot. However, as pointed out, she won't be able to say that if she fails the polygraph. Because if she is asked a question, and she truly did forget, then she will pass the question.

I'm not sure if it really matters if she had intercourse or not. BJ is just as bad or maybe worse. Seems a BJ is more personal, using your mouth to pleasure a man would probably be harder for me to get over than if they only had regular intercourse.

So I guess my point is that the only reason you need to know if she did have intercourse is to prove that she is still not telling you the truth.

BJ is just as bad or maybe worse. Seems a BJ is more personal, using your mouth to pleasure a man would probably be harder for me to get over than if they only had regular intercourse.

I agree with this. What's one of the things many wives stop performing for their husbands? Exactly.

These were not quick foreplay BJs. We're most certainly talking BJTC, which is a very intimate and submissive act. These douches would get off on making it as demeaning as possible. Which added to the excitement for her. Hence her performing these for so many men.

wait out her Ic so you have knowledge of what you are dealng wit

work on you

She has already asked for Yes/No questions

I don't see that anyone responded to this - polygraph question must be yes/no. It's the only way they are don't. It's not possible to poly the reply to an open ended question.

My first post on your thread, but I've been following your situation.

Hang in there. Your wife is just like so many other wayward spouses, we could see the writing on the wall before you. We understand and we are hoping you two are a success story.

the quickest route to kill the possibility of a successful r is continued lies. including via omission.

truthfulness from her builds trust. lies erode trust.

.i think shes still lying

We'll find out tomorrow. Test booked.

Good luck D&L. I truly hope you have it all and she passes tomorrow.

Because even if she passes, you have a long, tough road ahead of you no matter what you plan on doing with your marriage. And tomorrow can help you begin the process of healing. Ironically, in many cases, the BS needs to turn to their wayward spouse to help them heal. It's so messed up. To go to the source of the pain, and have that person become a participant in recovery. But that's the way it is. And that can't happen without the whole truth. Without honesty, transparency, and open communication.

Again, I truly hope she has been completely honest with you now and you have the whole story.

One small word of caution. Do not cancel for any reason. There should be no sudden illnesses, we don't need to do this conversations, my mother/sister has an emergency and needs me, etc. Even if there's a new revelation in the parking lot (and I hope there isn't), do not cancel. Follow through. For your own peace of mind.

Sending strength.

Be kind to yourself D&L. No matter what happens you will bo OK. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you will.

Trusting your W is what your are supposed to do. Don't fault yourself for that. She did waht you are not supposed to do in a M. Don't lose sight of that. It will hel your sanity.

Like everyone I wish you well for the poly test.

I've come to your story late and it's one of the most traumatic I can recall.

I had a similar situation in being very much at fault for the issues in our M but, I came to see, not for my WS's decision to have an A. Like your wife she had been very clear to me about the problems and like you I ignored them. So she should have given me an ultimatum or left me, not taken the path she chose.

The reason so many have warned you of there being more is because there is always more and we, unfortunately, have all been there, just as blindsided as you. Oddly for people who seem so adept at lying during the A, WS seem particularly inept at providing convincing stories once they are discovered.

You need to look after your well-being, think about what you need going forward and what you expect of your WS in the future in order to have a chance. Don't compromise these.

It's a frightening and confusing time but all the people dispensing advice have got your back, no matter how forthright their views, so don't forget that and use it as a source of strength.

Praying this works out for you brother, and your WW too.

Fingers crossed....hoping for the best outcome...

Sending poly MOJO for you, I hope that it all works out.

((((DazedandLost))))

The only thing I don't get is you're telling her that, no matter how she does on the test, you're staying with her. Right? Why is that? If that's the case, why bother with the test?

If she fails it's not over, but that doesn't mean I'm staying here.

If anything happens present or future, that's when it's finished.

[This message edited by DazedandLost at 2:28 PM, January 9th (Monday)]

you really shouldnt make those decisions now. in effect you are committing yourself to an unknown.

id suggest "ill give her 6 months and then re-evaluate my committment based upon benchmarks."

I'll summarise

Q1. Was there anyone else other than the ones in the timeline?

She said no.

PASSED

Q2. Did she have full sex with anyone since married apart from husband?

She said no.

PASSED

Q3. Has she had any sexual contact with anyone apart from timeline and husband?

She said no.

PASSED

As Jeremy Kyle would say, she got a full house.

Congrats. Now there are no secrets and you can make a decision as what to do knowing you know everything . That's a good place to be.