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[This message edited by DazedandLost at 4:14 AM, March 21st (Tuesday)]

I am confused. She slept with someone after January 1st?

And yet passed the polygraph?

If she was referring to historical events and said she was confused on dates AND passed the polygraph I might be inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt as to be confused as to timing. If it was in the last two weeks, then, no.

No not last 2 weeks. historically.

Historically the fact she had cybersex with the guy the day after we got back together slipped her mind.

"I don't know/remember" is waywards speak for "I know, and I do remember, but I'm going to pretend otherwise, because I don't want to deal with the fallout, and consequences for my actions."

There's no way she forgot that. No way.

I know.

I gave her every chance to come clean but she stuck with not remembering.

[This message edited by DazedandLost at 4:17 PM, January 20th (Friday)]

And why are you harming yourself? What purpose does that serve you? Are you doing it to punish yourself? Do you still blame yourself for what she has done? Why on earth are you hurting yourself? Hasn't she done that enough to you?

Get it together man. You're a father, and your children need to have at least one good parent. Your wife has shown that she has no problem betraying you and those children . You need to be the good parent and stop hurting yourself. Somebody needs to put the kids first. She betrayed them, so she's not gonna be the one to do it. And here you are hurting yourself,doing things that could cause irrevocable harm to yourself.

Somebody needs to make those kids a priority.

Knock it off.

[This message edited by confused615 at 4:18 PM, January 20th (Friday)]

I think poly is a waste of money, unreliable. I guess it is more of a mental thing, scare them into being honest. I don't care what type of lie detector machine you strap on me, I will beat it every single time.

Anyway, that sucks to hear that she continued betraying you after you were back together. That is what happened with me, found out about her sexting with men, she said I'm stopping, next day leaves on a business trip, while in her hotel room she calls me and tells me and our son goodnight while I'm reading him a bedtime story, says she loves us misses us, then hangs up and has Skype sex with one of her many sexting partners.

Sorry to hear that soulhurt. I know exactly how that felt.

I'm sick of all of this. I dont deserve this. I may not have been the best husband but I just dont want to take any more.

I thought self harming would distract me from the emotional pain, but it's not enough.

[This message edited by DazedandLost at 4:24 PM, January 20th (Friday)]

I sometimes regret this, but I am going to take the wayward's side in this one.

She passed a polygraph. Either she is a really good liar or she misremembered. If she had failed, you would have called her a liar. But the converse must also be true--she passed, so you have to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Trust me: If she is that psychopathic that she can lie while hooked up to a lie detector, she will do it again, and you will catch her.

I would give her the benefit of the doubt, but monitor her.

She wasnt asked a question that she would have failed.

Q1. Was there anyone else other than the ones in the timeline?

She said no.

PASSED

Q2. Did she have full sex with anyone since married apart from husband?

She said no.

PASSED

Q3. Has she had any sexual contact with anyone apart from timeline and husband?

She said no.

cyber-sex doesnt count there

[This message edited by DazedandLost at 4:26 PM, January 20th (Friday)]

Make her sell something important to her to fund another test where she will have the opportunity to prove her truthfulness

Soulhurt...the last time you took a polygraph,according to one one your posts, was thirty years ago. Technology has changed a lot in the last thirty years.

The story about meeting up only for legal and financial advice always was suspect. Did the poly pass on that?

I think I'd remember a few days after I had sex, cyber or otherwise.

At this point, she's become the girl who cried wolf.

People post here to save their marriage, by a very far majority. Your tone and attitude show that, and I don't think you are trying to say otherwise. You are direct and straightforward.

But from a "save your marriage" standpoint, being able to walk away from the marriage saves more marriages than not being able to walk away. In my opinion.

I can't remember ever being able to fake it.

Look at soulhurt and manualgtr, and even your own situation. What has been most effective in moving forward, nicing her or toughloving her?

Walk. It's yet another lie. She knows it. You know it. Walk..

I am not going to make excuses for her. But you better have expected for many more revelations to be brought to light as you move forward. How big or small each revelation is to be determined(this one is pretty big....enormous if she deliberately hid it from you), but what the poly did was try to give you a foundation to start rebuilding from.

How did you discover this revelation again?

On a different note:

I've been in a bad place. I've been starving myself, I've been torturing myself mentally and physically.

Knock this shit off now. Like Confused stated, you have a child to care for, and you need to be your best....which is a far cry from how you felt about yourself before discovering infidelity. Self-harm isn't going to help your kid. If you need professional help to stop this, then do it now, but this behavior has to stop.

Very sorry you have had another dday revelation DaL. You don't deserve this.

I've been in a bad place. I've been starving myself, I've been torturing myself mentally and physically.

It goes without saying that the others are correct. You need to be the stable parent for starters. Also, if this is giving you a sense of control in an uncontrolable situation, it's the wrong kind of control. Stop doing this shit and take control of your situation.

Easier said than done I know. But you can do this. You have a bunch of us here in your corner.

yop

Ahh shit. I'm so sorry D&L.

I'm a father of five. My wife had a 5 month EA / 3 month PA. She was an emotional wreck in the wake of DDay, as was I, yet we both needed to get our shit together and make sure we did right by the kids. As others have said, you need to do the same. This hurts. It's a killer. I know. But be the dad you know you really are.

As far as your wife goes, again, I'm really, really sorry.

D&L, stop abusing and starving yourself!!! YOU ARE WHAT'S IMPORTANT HERE! I'm praying for you friend!

Right!

This week is titled "Get a Grip Week"

- I've started eating (a little)

- for now we are separated (in-house)

- new haircut, new clothes

- over four hours sleep tonight

Going to try and stay out of my own head for a bit (whatever that means!). I spend too much time torturing myself and I'm sick of it.