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Now you have a foundation of truth, in which to begin the reconciliation process.

Mind you..no rugsweeping. A passed polygraph isn't a get out of jail free card..there's still a shit ton of work she needs to do..reconciliation is not linear...you will be on an emotional rollercoaster for a very long time...

But..She passed!! And that is going to be very helpful in the years to come.

Good job, Frozenheart. Now that that is out if the way, the hard work begins.

Congrats guys.

This will allow you both to start to move forward.

IC is the most important thing for her right now. MC until she starts to deal w/ her issues is not going to be productive, and maybe even damaging.

Good Job Frozen, you are on your way.

((((And Strength)))

Congratulations. Now buckle up, 'cause this rollercoaster ride from hell ain't nowhere NEAR over.

Nice work following through on the poly. As someone mentioned its not to humiliate or punish your spouse. Its to give you a solid foundation to stand on. Its to save you the pain of always wondering if you know everything you need. It forces your wayward to come clean. Coming clean will allow your WW to truly begin healing. Had you moved forward with just partial truth your WW would still be wayward and you would still be fighting your gut instincts for the rest of your life. Nice work indeed.

Thank you. It's been a tough and long day. She always said she would do it and didn't try to duck out, but that doesn't mean it wasn't an unpleasant and aqward experience. I'm grateful she did go through with it.

Yes there's still a lot of work to do. We have both IC and MC planned and we will take it one day at a time. She was already giving it 100% but I needed this test so I could draw a line under all the TT and move on. I'm now ready to fight for this 100% too

And yes there will most likely be more facts to come out but nothing on the scale I've already had.

Whether we'll manage to overcome the past and have a future, time will tell. The important thing is we are now acting as a team, no secrets, everything on the table. I'm going to help her fight her demons if she lets me, then fight for our marriage.

You may well look back and see this as one of the more important days of your life.

Just wanted to jump in and offer my congratulations to you both. Well done Frozenheart!

As others have said, this can now form as a jumping point, a base of honesty to build from together. This, combined with true remorse, open communication, and hard work can lead you both down a path of healing. What happens with your marriage is a separate thing. The two are not necessarily entwined. But my advice would be to do the work and let go of the outcome. It'll be a difficult road, but you'll both be better off for it.

For now, sigh of relief and congratulations are in order.

Great news DaL!! Sigh of relief and it's great to know what sort of foundation you can build on.

Just remember a few things. As confused notes, no rugsweeping. You both still need to take a lot of steps to get out of infidelity.

Mostly watch to see if WW is a candidate for R. Remember it's actions not words that will determine this. So no promise of R for a while yet but that doesn't mean that you can't go all in with communicating. Especially with what your needs are going to be. She's not a mind reader after all. Establish those boundaries and consequences.

But good job both of you and hopefully you both can start on your way to healing.

yop

Whether we'll manage to overcome the past and have a future, time will tell. The important thing is we are now acting as a team, no secrets, everything on the table. I'm going to help her fight her demons if she lets me, then fight for our marriage.

I'm very late in catching up, but your effort to push through the initial shock and pain discovering this unique horror show of infidelity is very inspiring. Congrats on the results and good luck in the fight ahead - go team.

And yes there will most likely be more facts to come out but nothing on the scale I've already had.

This is true. You're going to wake up each day and a new question or questions will come to mind. Your WW needs to answer these questions without hesitation or defensiveness. Make sure you give her a calm environment to answer your questions. Avoid interrupting her or firing back. Keep a calm tone. Just let her talk. This will help you get whatever other details you need. Letting her know you can handle the truth is important for both of you. Now in regards to questions. Make sure you want the answer.

My advice. Now you know the number of OMs and the basic physical acts. Be very strategic in what you ask now. There are two camps on SI. Those who want every detail and those who want just basic facts.

I am in the basic fact camp.

I needed to know they had sex. I did not want to know details about the sex. I highly doubt they had boring church sex out of respect for me. Sex details would just be extra pain I need to work through

I did not need to know what they said to each other. Only if it involved me or the children. I highly doubt they kept their conversations professional out of respect for me. Conversation details would just be extra pain for me to work through.

So just something to think about. You won't un-hear, or un-read anything. Once you know it you know it.

[This message edited by Chance819 at 12:44 PM, January 10th (Tuesday)]

Another one to say congrats to both of you. I hope that this is a solid benchmark to build from.

Perhaps this Winston Churchill quote fits best:

Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.

Good luck moving forward.

D&L and FH,

All the best to you. The first piece in a foundation that can lead to a new marriage with new, stronger, authentic versions of yourselves.

Good stuff guys. That was a defining day. As is every day moving forward when we are presented with a choice.

Awesome news!!!

I am very happy for the both of you.

So glad for you both!!

I'm really, really hoping your absence here today indicates some time spend together building a new foundation.

Lifting you up in prayer!

O'Dude

I really admire the way you both are showing care for each other in this process. There's integrity and self respect in that attempt/ ability to see the other's pain alongside your own.

I'd echo this sentiment:

My advice. Now you know the number of OMs and the basic physical acts. Be very strategic in what you ask now. There are two camps on SI. Those who want every detail and those who want just basic facts.

I am in the basic fact camp.

I needed to know they had sex. I did not want to know details about the sex. I highly doubt they had boring church sex out of respect for me. Sex details would just be extra pain I need to work through

I did not need to know what they said to each other. Only if it involved me or the children. I highly doubt they kept their conversations professional out of respect for me. Conversation details would just be extra pain for me to work through.

So just something to think about. You won't un-hear, or un-read anything. Once you know it you know it.

Absolutely agree it is each individual's choice what they need to know but now you have a trust platform, think carefully where that line exists for you.

I knew my wife had sex with the OM, when, where and roughly how many times. I absolutely needed to know that but the gory details were not for me as they would have made the situation even more traumatic without adding anything meaningful or helpful for both transparency and recovery.

You just need to think about for you what helps and what simply hurts.

How are you my friend?

How are things going ?