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Excellent, stop letting your emotions play pinball inside your cranium!

Good move, my friend.

As time goes by, you are going to look back, and be glad that you took back control of your life by making HEALTHY decisions.

You've got this DaL!

.

[This message edited by DazedandLost at 4:13 AM, March 21st (Tuesday)]

Good move on the self care DL.

You keep saying she hasn't done anything new - it doesn't matter that is isn't recent behaviour - it is new to you. You had another DDay so be kind to yourself. At any time you are allowed to decide that this is too much for you. R is a gift that you gave your wife. It is not a guarentee it is an offer to try to rebuild your marriage if it is working for you to do so. At any time you can say that you have changed your mind.

As for the sleeping arrangements you get to choose where you sleep. If you want to sleep in with your WW then do. If you want her to lay with you in your new bed until you go to sleep then go to her bed then ask for that. IMO you need the separate bed as part of project "get it together" but only you can decide what you need.

Shake it off... There is something about that song that can bring a smile to your face!

Rosie

I can tell you that I will pass any lie detection machine you can find.

((((DazedandLost))))

I'm so glad that you have decided to take good care of yourself. And with humor as well!!

You might be interested in reading about the 180 to help you to detach from your WW and get you through in-house S.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp#FAQ11

Those hits are going to keep coming. Your WW didn't perfect her lying in a day and she's not going to become a truth machine any time in the near future. Hang in there.

((((DazedandLost))))

Just a quick update :

WW got a missed call in the middle of the night From an unknown number which she told me about immediately

Call came in again this morning and she answered. It was one of the OM. She told him to take a running jump and never contact again. She then hung up and called me immediately.

She's very upset about it. Partly because it's stirring things up again for us but mostly she's worried how this will affect me.

Me? I'm just happy she is being this transparent. For once she has done nothing wrong and everything right and I just feel bad that she's so upset. This isn't setting me back at all

I immediately went to the canteen and bought a sausage in a roll to show I'm eating, not punishing myself

That's great news...steady as she goes brother.

Thanks O'Dude, though I'm worried about the future....

.... If I stuff a burger down my throat every time she tells me the truth, I'm gonna fill up pretty fast. I've lost 19kg and I'm looking pretty trim, I don't wanna pile it all back on again!

I'll have a think about it. Perhaps a punchcard reward system : 20 truths reward 1 hotdog.

I'll work on this.

Way to go!

get her a new phone number. its easy to do. then he CANT contact her.

she should also get a new email address and probably close her social media accounts (or hand them over to you).

removing his ability to contact her is a big step towards permanent NC. its vital.

I've already got access to all online accounts and whenever I ask for her phone she hands it over immediately. She also leaves it around the house which she would never do before.

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that there is currently any contact I don't know about.

I don't agree that removing OM's access by changing phone numbers is vital.

Trusting WW to deal with him correctly is vital.

One of the more "persistent" OM knows where we live. Do we need to move house too?

[This message edited by DazedandLost at 6:26 AM, January 23rd (Monday)]

I 2nd William's suggestion of new number & email address.

She needs to have no ties to her past. Even though she seems like she has snapped out of it, there is always the danger of her being triggered into wanting to return to that lifestyle.

If she wants to return to that lifestyle, a new number won't stop her.

If you choose to reconcile then it would be on her to propose ways to rain utter destruction on his life if he chooses to be an enemy of your marriage.

The more cruel and creative she is in terms of ideas, the more interested in reconciliation she is.

I can see why you chose your username!

Don't cross the Sharkman!

I immediately went to the canteen and bought a sausage in a roll to show I'm eating, not punishing myself.

But did you have pint with it, that's what I want to know.

Perhaps a punchcard reward system : 20 truths reward 1 hotdog.

OK, that made me chuckle, good one!

Trusting WW to deal with him correctly is vital.

Now you're catching on!

[This message edited by OrdinaryDude at 8:20 AM, January 23rd (Monday)]

Me? I'm just happy she is being this transparent. For once she has done nothing wrong and everything right and I just feel bad that she's so upset

This is a huge step forward for both of you. I remember the first time my H said OW called him and he told her off. It was like I could hear the angels trumpets. Praise be, he finally gets it.

Trusting WW to deal with him correctly is vital.

But be careful friend, don't trust too much too quickly. She shouldn't expect you to yet, and you certainly haven't seen consistent action over any period of time to allow you to let your guard down. Protect yourself first.

(((And strength))))

I am glad to hear your update that things seem to be moving in a positive direction for you and your WW D&L.

All these milestones will help you to re-build the element of trust that your WW has blasted to smithereens.

(Don't forget though - "trust, but verify"

Please, - the best advice I can give you is to stick to your boundaries

I'd dearly love to just go back to my own bed, but I feel like I've made my decision and have to stick to it. If I cave now, it'll seem like there's no consequences.

- absolutely correct.

You can always reconsider, should she come begging on bended knees...... although, I'm only guessing this hasn't happened yet..... and that you've already stuck to your guns?

If she's continuing to be remorseful - perhaps you could suggest swapping rooms, and that you sleep in your own bed, whilst she takes the spare?

Good luck D&L - but please, stay strong.

MOB