SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

oh Lord...if that om has a wife..she needs to be told asap that her wh had another woman in her home...ugh

My husband too had me convinced he did not have sexual relations with his secret friend.

Guess what, on week 5 I found 5000 texts where they openly discussed the sex they had, the more positions they were going to try, and hotels they were going to do it at.

5 weeks of gaslighting, crying, falling down, swearing on his life he did not have sex.

When they live the full life of deception their ability to lie LIE LIE is perfected to a 'T'.

Don't believe it for a second.

Everyone thinks their story is atypical. Most are wrong.

Is your marriage saveable? It very well may be. But learn from others so you can plot the course.

Read some stories. See what worked. What didn't.

Resist getting mad--become businesslike instead. Resist begging--become businesslike instead.

You are doing really, really good for someone at this stage of discovery.

You know what I would do?

I would tell her that I want to make the marriage work but only from a position of honesty, faithfulness, and mutual effort.

I would tell her that she will be taking a polygraph so she can come clean, questions about the past can be laid to rest, and you can move forward.

I would give her conditions on transparency (phone, computer, GPS).

And I would tell her she will be starting counseling.

If she balks, I would file for divorce and tell her that while you love her you will not accept infidelity and that the offer is still open to fix the marriage.

What good are the tracker and recorder if she knows they're there?

yes i know. sort of blew my wad on the trackers.

i tried not but something caught me one day and i couldnt hold back.

knowing what she was doing and not confronting her made me feel like i was doing something wrong.

do any of you know of a personal tracking device that she can wear on her arm or put in her pocket? i want something that stays with her at all times. it would be awesome if it included an activity monitor so you could tell if she took it off and left it somewhere.

holy shit i might be on to something.

any help is appreciated. at one point, before i found out more, she said i could put a gps tracker in her neck...

@painisreal, I hear where you are coming from. Sometime knowing the truth in itself that we often fight for to bringing it before the light doesn’t always make us feel better.

It seems like you’re feeling split in two that you feel like you deserve to know the truth and your wife to confess but at the same time feeling guilty as your wife went cold as she confessed and acknowledge the truth, is that correct?

I’m sorry to hear at the long continual affair that has been happening with her wife. I do think you asking the question and her coming before the light is good. There may be going on within her heart and mind. I cannot imagine the guilt she perhaps is feeling, but we all won’t every know what is going on in her heart even if she were to come out all honest about things that were happening the past 5 years or so.

I want to continue just lift you up in prayer as you make a decision in regards of what to do for the next step in this. It is difficult and complicating as there is deception, manipulation and lies in the midst of the relationship. I pray God will bring everything to the light.

she also said shed take a polygraph regarding sex. these conversations come to me in pieces so please dont flame me for bang bang banging away!

take her up on the poly...get it scheduled and make her pay for it, have her sell some of her things if necessary but get it booked asap.

Does she consider oral..sex? Some do and some don't..

i dont think she considers oral sex at all. see what i did there?

i said early on that im funny. im hurting but still funny.

You've made a huge stride since I replied this morning. Hang in there. This has been the worst thing that I ever went through.

And yes, my W and I are in R. It didn't start working until I had the whole truth and she owned her shit. When I found out, I blew her world out of the water. I filed for divorce and for a solid month, I hated her!

We did eventually stop the divorce, but you've got to put your foot down.

it may sound crazy, but i dont hate her. i never did. i was super angry. like i wanted to beat something angry but hate never crossed my mind.

i also do not want a divorce. it will be the very last thing i do. that said, if i find out she has contact with him, its done. and i will find out.

shes on her way home. i feel anxious like i would getting ready for a date. such a weird feeling.

i guess its because i want to make a good impression. pick me. fuck.

Do you want to know why you should tell his wife?

Because another man repeatedly fucked your wife and has had ZERO consequences.

Without consequences he gets to walk around feeling so fabulous about what a master stud he is.

I didn't tell OW husband for the same reasons you listed. I couldn't bare to hurt someone else this way.

But she kept emailing my husband all work related of course. Started with so sorry to bother you. Can you help? And another yes I am fine after the hurricane. My husband never responded. He would forward her email to the appropriate department.

Once I finally told the husband all of her bullshit stopped. She was able to look at their affair as star crossed lovers. A good person letting the love of her life go...because they were both good people. Gag me. See no consequences.

Her husband knows now.

^ Bingo.

He's fucked her, no doubt. We aren't all here for no reason. We know. Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt, never wash it, and sleep in it every night.

I'm torn on telling the OBS. Because part of me wouldn't wish the pain of knowing about infidelity on my worst enemy. And the other part of me feels like the only thing worse than THAT pain, is the years of memories I collected thinking I was happy. Not knowing that my husband was face deep in someone else's vagina.

No one can force you to wake up. We all go down this path alone. I wish you the best. I'm right there with you. Storybook life. Beautiful child. Wonderful vacations. Great careers. In laws that I would take bullets for. Everything was so great. Until it just wasn't anymore.

Oh, and my first thread is somewhere on here when I insisted to all the experienced members that my Husband was different. And that he swore up and down and on our child's life that it was just an emotional affair. I was angry when people told me otherwise, and that the truth would trickle out. It took a while but I found it. Years of hotel sex right under my nose. And she was a good friend that I would have never imagined doing this.

Thepain:

- the love bombing is coming bigtime - my very XWW started doing all sorts of sex positions I hadn't even heard of when she got suspicious that I was getting an inkling of her many A's

- she said she'll take a poly - please please take her up on it. I bet she doesn't think you'll go through with it. Go through with it. The truth sucks but in the long run (even the medium run) it's much better to know than to spend the rest of your life wondering

- since Plan GPS Tracker has gone kaplooey, how about switching to Plan Voice Activated Recorder (VAR) in her car? Dollars to donuts you'll find out an awful lot that way too

Bro, you've got Team ThePainisReal here on your side every step of the way. I know some of it is rough to here but we're on your side buddy. We want to see you take control and deal with this shit sandwich in the best way possible.

I didn't hate my wife right off. She kept denying and i had all the evidence. She was just so cold

Sitting at dinner with her and one of my children. I love her so much and can't stop staring at her, yet here I am on SI, trying to SI.