Richard,
This is really getting to you, but you really need to step back and compare the conclusions you are jumping to with the actual evidence that you have. They say that people can view life through rose tinted spectacles, and you are kind of doing the same thing, only through betrayal spectacles.
Your wife has already agreed to one polygraph, without fighting it, dithering, insisting that the tests are not reliable, or any of the other things that worried waywards do when a poly is suggested. And your wife passed the poly.
Now, to try and clear the air, she has agreed to another one. No fighting, no dismissal, no last minute sudden remembering of things she had previously never mentioned. Her response to the whole polygraph thing is actually quite amazing.
If she was guilty, she would have displayed at least some of the classic signs that appear in threads in the forum. She displayed none of them.
And if she is innocent, she could have taken offence at being asked to do a polygraph, and made a big deal about why isn't her word good enough. She didn't do that, did she? So what seems to be uppermost in her mind is doing whatever she can to prove she is innocent and nothing is going on. That is a sign of her commitment to the marriage, and to you.
However, you seem to have missed the significance of her stance. I am not criticising you for that, just pointing out that her stance in relation to the polygraph tests is totally in keeping with an innocent person who wants to prove her innocence, and who has accepted that her partner won't take her word for anything. If you read many threads here, you would know that most guilty waywards flee polygraphs like vampires flee garlic. Some try to brazen it out, agree to the poly, and then break down, often outside the test center, and confess to more than they had previously revealed. And then there are those who still keep quiet, take the test, and fail.
Richard, think about it: your wife agreed to the test, took it, and passed. And now, she is amenable to taking another, because she wants more than anything for this problem to be cleared up. How does that compare to the way guilty waywards behave? You need to recognise what your wife's behaviour means, and that she is very likely innocent here.
When you did the phone test with her friend, it could have been very revealing. Her best friend could have said, "Oh my God! He knows about Doug from next door! How did he find out?"
Did the BF say that? No, she didn't. She was baffled, and the only thing she could think of was an incident from ten years ago.
What does that tell you? It tells me that there isn't a thing going on with the neighbour, because if the BF knows about what happened ten years ago, she would know about an ongoing relationship now. And her response shows that she doesn't.
Richard, that is another major, in-your-face indicator that nothing is going on.
However, you let that slip by, and instead focus on:
I think her BF would have replied to the WA with something like "what are you on about" or "about what" if she wasn't wise to it. Not reply saying she'd call.
The BF was contacted while out running. A lot of runners follow a strict schedule, or don't want to stop in the middle of a session, so her generic response of "I'll call you" is simply a totally believable response from someone who wants to finish their run and not initiate a big dialogue before she has done so. Honestly, sincerely, that is what I get from it, and I am not a gullible rube. I have known lots of people send responses like, "Can't talk, in a meeting", or, "Will text later", in response to urgent sounding messages. Not because they don't care, and not because they know what the messages are about, but because they are simply being honest; for whatever reason, they just cannot respond there and then, and so they send a reply that will not generate more immediate messages.
Richard, your wife keeps passing test after test, and it is like you just won't accept it, and you go rooting around in the fine detail to try and find something to take issue with. Seriously, to me, the fact that your wife keeps passing these tests indicates to me that there is no affair. Fair enough, you may not like her friendship with the neighbour, and maybe you want her to tone it down, but there are none of the major giveaways going on in the tests that she is passing.
People here have recommended that you place a few VARs around the house in key locations, and that is what you should do if you are still sure that something is going on. I also said that you can buy small cameras disguised to look like digital clocks very easily, and those can also help. These things can help you actually see and here what goes on at home when you are not around, and they would be a much better tool for identifying inappropriate behaviour than reading too much into a throwaway response from a girl interrupted in the middle of a run.
There is one more thing that I want to mention, which is that if you keep piling pressure on your wife, and she starts to struggle, you may actually be pushing her towards confiding in the neighbour to say things along the lines of, "I can't take it...I cry every day..." etc, etc. People under pressure do confide in others, women more so than men in my experience, and if the guy is a friend, pressure from you might make her turn to him for support. And then you will see simultaneous appearances on WhatsApp or whatever, and convince yourself it is evidence of an affair, when she might - not is - be crying down the phone to him for support because nothing she says or does convinces you of her innocence and she fears for the future of the relationship.
Please, Richard, get yourself some individual counseling as soon as possible and talk through your fears and suspicions. Do not let the apparent desperation you seem to have for your wife to be guilty blind you from all the evidence that she is innocent, or - worse still - destroy a perfectly good relationship.
There is a saying I have heard about fixing something until it breaks. I honestly think you are heading in that direction with your unjustified certainty that your wife is cheating.
Please, calm down, and book yourself some counseling. This is starting to dominate your life in an unhealthy way. Counseling can help change your mindset, and you already know about the VARs and cameras that can help you find out one way or the other PROPERLY, without over-analysing the fine nuances of somebody's "I'm busy" message.
As Bigger said, you need to ratchet back, calm down, get some VARs and maybe cameras scattered around the place, and see what they show. And if they show nothing, you need to be prepared to accept it. So far, you have been ignoring any results that indicate innocence, and almost desperately clutching at straws that can be interpreted as indications of guilt. I think you need to ask yourself why you are so desperate to prove she is guilty. It is almost like you want her to be guilty. That is what is driving you crazy, and the thing that you need to talk to a counselor about.
The best detectives are cool, calm, and collected, and they don't make decisions without evidence. Think about that.
And please, do not let this ruin your life, your wife's life, or your relationship.
