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mother of 2. found out recently that my husband has been sexting with his ex fiancee sporadically for 15 years (even before we met). he had an email special for her. he saved the emails from all 15 years. this was his first love who he lost his virginity to. she broke his heart shen she said no to marriage. most of the emails consist of graphic sexual nature including naked pics although sometimes husband would say how much he misses her, how he thinks about her while we have sex and how he cant see her in real life bc he would not be able to resist her. anyway he told me he has no feelings for her he just wants to make sure shes ok. and bc they never had sex it doesnt count as cheating. im still on the fence. should I believe him? does he love her? what to do?

[This message edited by iamharleyquinn at 5:23 PM, December 13th (Wednesday)]

It is cheating. Tell him what you want which is to stop.

It is cheating. You know it and he knows it. Anything he wouldn't do right in front of you is cheating unless it is discussing your Christmas present. He has carried a torch for this woman for 15 years. It is emotionally cheating if nothing else and I wouldn't be too quick to just believe it was nothing else.

It's cheating.

even though it was never physical?

And absolutely 100% is. I'd also Venture that there's more to this than you believe.

Welcome to the best club you never wanted to join.

Now you get to decide what you want. A man who claims to not understand what cheating is, and being treated like an option. Or demanding the respect you deserve.

Well it's certainly an emotional affair. This is a woman he had deep feelings for. He's done this for fifteen years. That's a long term affair. Don't minimize it. This is huge. You read the emails. It was a lot more than wanting to make sure she was ok. You read the emails...so you know this. Don't allow him to lie to you and convince you otherwise.

And, it was absolutely a physical affair. He may not have had sex with her, but jacking off to her pictures,is physical. Using your body to get off while thinking of her is physical, and so incredibly disrespectful of you.

No way should you believe him. Yes lied to you for the entirety of your relationship.

Have you told her husband?

I dont understand how it is possible for him to still have feeĺings for her. she broke his heart. if anything he sure hate her no? and how could he have married me if he still had feelings for another?

This is physical as well as emotional. He is going to try and convince you that what he did wasn’t cheating.

Really, if he thought it wasn’t, he wouldn’t have lied and hid it from you.

I wouldn’t trust one thing he says. 15 years. And he thinks about her while having sex with you. That’s sick.

What he has done is abusive to you emotionally as well as physically. Pretty sure you would not have agreed to have sex with him if you knew what he was doing and thinking.

Find an IC. Read up in the healing library.

Take your evidence and contact her BS. Do not tell your WH as he will warn his AP.

There is no doubt in my mind that sexting is cheating. The nude photos are used for mutual masturbation. They are by consent each having a sexual encounter, at the same time,with each other. Their hearts, minds,and bodies are all involved. The only difference between this behavior and sexual intercourse is the separate physical locations.

Am I the only one that thinks this is super weird?. First, I agree it’s cheating.

I don’t know why; but I wonder if he acts as though he is the OW or the ex.

It’s weird to me for two people to participate in this for 15 years. They had sex....where’s the mystery.

So for the past 15 years he thinks of this woman while making love to his wife? That is sick.

To me he has some deep sexual issues. Are your prepared to push this?

was does ow stand for

Other woman.

Not sure if I explained well. I wonder if he is emailing himself and pretending his first sex partner is answering him. . She would need to be off her rocker.

I just don’t get it. Where does she live? Where is the payoff for this for 15 years. I don’t think you have the whole story.

[This message edited by Iwantmyglasses at 6:04 PM, December 13th (Wednesday)]

well according to him he wants to make sure shes ok. one email he said "I could never forget you" after she sent a nude pic with the caption "remember me?"

No. You don’t call up an ex and ask if they are okay.

This is horrible boundaries. Anything that hurts the wife/ husband isn’t good for the marriage.

Are you friends with your Xs?

I am not! I don’t live in 1808...I live in a world of memes, internets and it all says....constant jokes....life advice....no EXs!!!

True or false?

So since it wasn’t physical. Does this mean you can pleasure yourself naked in front of a man?

Listen, one my BFFs went through this with her husband. Guess what？. Still to this day he will not admit he cheated. He had two different sexting partners. She called one of the woman. This particular OW knew it was wrong.

[This message edited by Iwantmyglasses at 6:21 PM, December 13th (Wednesday)]

Sweetie, at least, he is having an emotional affair. If they have had an opportunity to meet over the past 15 years, it has probably become physical. Do you have children with this man? Please get tested for STD's. Cheaters lie.

Harley. Do you have access to these emails? If so don’t delete them. Store them somewhere safe from your H

If she is married or has a BF you will want to contact him without him or the OW knowing. You will use these emails as proof of the affair.

And make sure you talk to him either in person or on the phone to ensure she is not Intercepting the communication.

And EA like this can be worse than a PA (physical affair).

You both should get IC (individual counseling) with someone who specializes in infidelity.

[This message edited by Stevesn at 8:40 PM, December 13th (Wednesday)]

Do the pictures actually show her face to prove it’s her to the OBS (other betrayed spouse)?

no face is cropped

Her husband will know if it’s her body.

Does the body look the same. No texting what so ever? Just the emails?

Does she live in your town or on his travel route