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Is there firm agreement and understanding about what is to be removed from the house? That her BF (and heck, any of his family or co workers) are not allowed on your property? I expect you have dialed in protecting your own valuables and LEO uniforms/gear.

'Cause that whole thing can go sideways in a hurry.

Well she cancelled and said her dad had a work emergency. I asked if she wanted anything now. She asked for clothes and bathroom products. I will place some of them on the curb tomorrow but wont be busting my ass just clearing out where I want space. Thats a win for me.

I made it very clear to the OM that he was not allowed on my property at the spousal coming out gathering. He is pretty scared and I doubt very much he would, but hell ive been surprised before.

Agreement was for father and WW only.

Let her get her stuff and be done. She has a legal right and can use this to paint you as abusive.

It will not help. Take the high road and get it over with.

No I agree... She should have her stuff. i aint going to mess with it. Whats hers is hers. Get it out. Dont know why its taking this long. I just aint going to bust my ass. She can deal with some of the inconvienence of the affair.

Her dad is retires and does volunteer lifegaurd work to stay busy. I wonder what kind of work emergency he could have... Who cares I will get rid of some of her stuff tomorrow, 1 step closer thays all that matters.

She agreed to have me put them by the curb. Its 50 feet from her front door. Everything will be boxed and photo'd and no need for interaction. I am not just going to toss it there if thats what u were thinking...

If she is any semblance of BPD, you should be happy she's gone.

See my signature for the reason I know that.

You need to be strong enough to resist her sexually when she tries to seduce you. Because she will.

By all means then box and deliver her items yourself.

I think it would be a good idea to photograph/document what you pack. Doesn’t have to be in detail. Be careful to pack with appropriate care. Fold clothes and such. Don’t let her hank you on ANYTHING. This has nothing to do with showing weakness, it’s all about selecting the battles you need to win to get the best results.

If she asks for anything that is not clearly her personal item then evaluate its value to you.

For example: If she wants the lamp in the living room that her aunt gave you two as a wedding present then technically it’s a joint asset. If it’s a cheap Walmart lamp then let her have it. It’s not worth the hassle. If it’s an expensive antique Italian marble lamp then photograph it, find its financial value and list it when the final division of assets takes place.

Get it over with. Out of sight -> out of mind.

Put this song on loop and play it while boxing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHQLQ1Rc_Js

Remember – this is a deliverance.

Doubtful here Dad is the reason she cancelled. Maybe she doesn’t want to face her dad or family.

On to the next phase- you will be glad her things are gone.

You are handling this well. I hope you and your kids are doing ok.

Well she cancelled and said her dad had a work emergency.

Weird about the Dad, you had spoken to him and he knew you were doing HIM a favor by sticking around for the packing. What about the cop she had lined up? Personally, if you feel comfortable doing it I'd call the Dad and get a real understanding of why he can't make it. Are they fighting? Or is she playing games with moving out? ..maybe she expected you to give in and allow her to move stuff by herself...It's just so odd... a retired lifeguard emergency?!? for the one date and time you had lined up to pack stuff?

You seem fairly detached from her. If you are emotionally able to pack her stuff, I'd get as much out of the house as I could. The more that's moved, the less time she will need to spend in the house when alls said and done. It sends a clear message that it's your house and you want her out.

Pack nicely, take pictures --- once it's out of the house it's gone and you no longer need to deal with her about it.

You are doing great.

Hes a retired teacher and is a volunteer lifegaurd...

Ok hear this and then tell me how do I respond it at all.

I found 2500 worth of medical bills that she never paid and that had gone to collections. It was buried in a atack of her mail. A couple were unopened and i found some old ones that were apparently paid from 2014 in an old purse upstairs as I was moving out her things. The amount is not that much. More irritated that I have to come up with this after just paying the lawyer. Short term cash flow is tight. Very comcerned about the credit score being effected since she trashed it already and I need it to recover.

I talked to my attorneys paralegal today (he was busy at the time). She said even though all but one is in her name that I would be best off not trying to hide it but call the collextions agencies find out whats still out there and make arrangemnts to take care of it. Its all marital debt anyway and that they can brimg it into the final divorce agreement anyway.

So I called made arrangments for new bills to be aent for my records and a grace period to pay. I was told that they were supposed to be reported to the credit bureau in November but they hadnt due to a clerical error and that they could give me some time to pay.

I found 2500 worth of medical bills that she never paid and that had gone to collections.

Make sure you include this in your financial statements of debt that you have with the attorney so that you get credit for paying it. Unfortunately it will probably be considered a joint debt since it was before you filed. I'm assuming that your attorney has done what is needed so that any debt since filing is her's alone. You are going to have to deal with this one though. Maybe contact the collection agency and work something out for payments/reduction but definitely get credit for paying it off. Take $1250 worth of something else somewhere in this mess.

I sent her a message letting her know that I located the debt collectuon notices, the total amounts, that intended to pay them before they hit the credit report.

I say I will eat them if she sticks to the original agreement (i pay off her truck she takes her small 401k and leaves me with everything else) but that I dont think she will stick to that or the totals will just come off whatever the final divorce settlement is.

She replies sorry and asks why I think she wont stick to the original agreement? I mean how the heck do I answer that...she has lied about soooo much, there is no trust. I havent replied and think I shouldnt.

If it needs to be paid, pay it off out of the joint account and document everything with your lawyer.

No longer have joint accounts I ended that within a couple days of Dday. It will have to come out of my end and be recouped during the final settlement.

You maybe able to get some relief by explaining your situation and setting up payment options.

I’ve done similar before.call them

I did. More curious as how I reply tonher if at all.

She replies sorry and asks why I think she wont stick to the original agreement? I mean how the heck do I answer that...she has lied about soooo much, there is no trust. I haven't replied and think I shouldnt.

She cheats with and moves in with the guy across the street... she knows WHY you don't trust her. There is no way you can answer that question truthfully without starting a war of words. She's either fishing for a fight or trying to keep you "talking with her". I'd ignore it...

Have you set-up a new date for her to get her things?

[This message edited by Freeme at 6:02 PM, January 16th (Tuesday)]

You don’t respond at all.

You told her what you needed to about the debt.

Your lawyer has it covered at his end.

Your WW wants you to acknowledge that she is a good person whose word is trustworthy.

You and she both know that isn’t the case so no response is needed. Don’t buy into her drama. It isn’t your job to help her pretend what she is doing is ok.

[This message edited by HardyRose at 6:05 PM, January 16th (Tuesday)]