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Ok I wont respond. That was my gut go to there.

Havent rescheduled yet. Dropped majority of personal stuff clothes/30 purses/30 pairs shoes/50 perfume bottles cleaned out her bathroom stuff and put it in boxes on her porch. Was going to put it on the curb so I got it on the porch underneath the overhang. She made sure she wasnt outside whem I came over and did not attempt contact at all. Think she is trying to do no contact to me back and I am all good with that.

RS –

The way I see it then accepting the medical bill might be worth it. It’s sort of weighing hassle versus cost. Don’t bother replying to her comment about the agreement. There is no profit in that argument for you right now.

What does your attorney say about your agreement?

Divorce varies state-by-state. Have you done your calculations to see if letting her off with a fully-paid truck might be a bad deal for you? Keep in mind that she might be limited to a part of your 401 only for the period of marriage (not half of it all, but only a part, from date-of-marriage to date-of-filing). You might be entitled to a larger share of the house if it was bought pre-marriage and paid by you. Heck… your equity in the house might be less than double the truck-value (and therefore WW getting a better deal than you).

Don’t bother about a few bucks, but be clear that whatever deal you offer her is good for you. Either financially or simply because it gives you a quick, clean break.

Edited to add: Keep in mind that if she were entitled to - say 40% - of your 401 for the period of marriage you are entitled to the same share of her 401. It's probably less, but still counters part of the cost.

[This message edited by Bigger at 6:22 PM, January 16th (Tuesday)]

Dropped majority of personal stuff clothes/30 purses/30 pairs shoes/50 perfume bottles cleaned out her bathroom stuff and put it in boxes on her porch.

Wow!!! Wonder how OM is going to feel about all of this excess "junk"... How did you feel packing it up? How are you feeling now? Emotionally Drained or glad to be rid of it?

Good work regardless.

Assets-liabilities= about 120k. Not a lot of assets really. Her truck is 20k to pay off and her 401 is only 10k. So 90k vs 30k is way better for me. In the end she is going to want half of everything as she is selfish. If I could keep equity in house that would be nice as it would help me move, but oh well. She put 525 on her CC at Cabelas before christmas and spent 370 at target the other day. 70 a month for tanning, 60 a month for weight loss pills. She had 18 dollars at the end of december in hernl checking. She was never great with money but any reasonableness that was there has been lost.

Felt great actually. I kept singing that song, "Im moving out" in my head. Goodbye and dont let the door hit you on the way out. My house has been cleaner than it ever was when she was here. My bank account is stable and building (but ton of shit that is coming up to pay). Single life aint that bad. Now if I could find a female version of myself someday that would be spectacular. Living with another adult would be nice. This one was fun, but I always had to be a parent at times and explain things like credit and taxes and mortgages, she was clueless or just didnt care.

Glad things are going well for you.

I am curious why you look at her checking account? Probably better for you if you are not paying attention to such things. Completely detach.

She missed a bi-weekly payment on my car. He truck is in my name only, my van loan is much less and in her name so Inpay her truck loan and the only bill she has is a 125 dollar biweekly payment for my car. I should probably see if I can that one taken care of sooner rather than later. Again she ruined my credit score by not paying bills and not telling me. I was hoping to wait to redo the loan but I should probably do it sooner rather than later. Idk... Or wait until the divorce is final. If I monitor it I should be able to leave as it is for a bit. Since it was set up as a biweekly payment direct withdrawl we are actually a payment of two ahead.

I had also pulled them to see where the money had all went. Nothing affair related just stupid bs and there was always money to pay the bills. All she had to do was walk across the street, wasnt too expensive. Even if ahe did she always has lots of cash from tips so it wouldnt have been hard.

I realized she pursued this. She started tanning and diet pills in August same time her data spiked on her phone, likely from her snapchatting with him. Pretty sick, but at this point who really cares. She is damaged goods and as much as I miss what I thought we had, it wasnt real and I need to move on.

[This message edited by RockstarDad at 12:11 PM, January 19th (Friday)]

Good news is she said yes to taking the kids to Florida again and this time it is on the app (discusses with ottorney the different options for documenting it and just sticking with this for now for a couple reasons). Ive lost 30 pounds eating good and dieting. Ive been absolutely exhausted, but plugging away. Another 20 pounds and I will be at my goal, which is same weight I came out of basic training at. Say goodbye to dad bod.

My biggest compkaint is I have this in the forefront of my mind 24/7 (except when I sleep-no dreams). Ugh.

How could you not have this st the forefront of your brain?

She lives ACROSS the street.

I would have moved or lost it already.

She lives ACROSS the street.

You have more self control RockStarDad than anyone I know. I would have burned that house down by now. You should really get a medal!

Not a saint, juat a dad trying to do the right things when every choice sucks. We live really close to kids school. My kids have lots of friends here. Credit issues (caused by he and hidden- when we had the money...) wont let me buy a house. I could have got a duplex but it would be a bigger hurdle for my kids and them I would move again withing a year or two. Hoping to stick it too the end of thr school year and re-eval. Kids need to come first in all my decisions, they are low on her priority list.

[This message edited by RockstarDad at 1:37 PM, January 19th (Friday)]

Good job brother!! I'm glad the Florida trip is back on!!

You're doing great, stay strong man, "in it to win it🤘🏻!"

The name of our boat growing up was Never Surrender. When I tickle my kids I would always get them to say "I'll never surrender". Kind of a family motto I guess. This may be the biggest kick in the balls a man can take (other than something happening to kids) but I aint going to give in to the depression, the desire to wallow, the want to drink it away and be numb. I am going never going to surrender to her affair, it will not ruin me. I was pretty damn good man before I will eliminate anything negative and get on with it. Quite smoking too, but my jaw hurts from all the nicorette I am chewing.

[This message edited by RockstarDad at 3:45 PM, January 19th (Friday)]

Wow

You are really strong! Happy for you and your kids that Florida is back on. And your working on your health too. Getting healthy is a giant gift to your kids. Think of it, more vitality and years to spend with them. You also bring the risk for heart disease, stroke way down too. It's hard watching a parent suffer through disease,and very sad when you knew it was preventable.

I'm just new to all this, my new life is in the first days. None of it is fun. Wish none of this ever happened to us but now that it happened, might as well use the opportunity to become the best version of yourself and shine for your kids.

You rock rockstar dad!

Trying to understand the thought process is beyond me. The stbxw stated ahe disnt want her (they were hers I never wanted dogs but had done it for her) 2 dogs because the OM already had two. I had to get rid of the 140 pound mastiff boxer (kids were ok with it they realized he needed more attention, proud of there thought process) who was destroying the house but kept the old schnauser as she was just going to get rid of them with no thought about the kids.

Today I take the kids to hockey and learn that stbxw and OM got a puppy.

[This message edited by RockstarDad at 7:57 PM, January 20th (Saturday)]

Dont understand how one leaves pets that easily. She never even wanted to say goodbye to her big dog. Just so foreign to me. I shouldnt try to understand the irrational. I am a little upset I have to take care of her dog, since she would have just given it away and the kids really like the schnauser, but could give a fuck about them getting there dog otherwise.

On another note she has stopped trying to contact me and is NC herself. Messages via the app for the kids and that is it. Surprused, but its working

[This message edited by RockstarDad at 4:24 AM, January 21st (Sunday)]

Are you really surprised that someone that sees her vows, marriage and husband as disposable should also see her pets as disposable? C’mon Rockstar!

You know, puppies are so adoooooorable, just like their luvrrrre...

[sarcasm off]

Bigger, your are so right. None of this should surprise me. Ive read enought about the affair mentality here and how irresponsible & selfish they tend to act.

Dark hole heart, too funny.

Rosckstar

The opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s indifference.

What I hope for you in 3 years’ time is this:

You and your ex can coparent. You can go to a teacher meeting at the same time, sit and discuss with the teacher whatever issue must be discussed and both agree on a sensible and logical best-for-child solution. Say hi on the way in, and bye on the way out. Maybe talk for a few minutes on how to implement whatever was discussed.

That’s it.

No small talk. No what if’s.

I would hope that at that point your indifference to her was such that even if she stripped naked and begged for you your response would be to ask her to move from the TV so you don’t miss the next play in the game.

I would hope that if OM is still in her life that he could be part of that co-parenting meeting. As would a possible future Mrs. Rockstar. After all – it’s best for your kids to have caring grown-ups thinking in unison of their best interest. I hope OM is a great guy… But that doesn’t mean you must like him or play golf with him.

That’s where I HOPE you get with time.

Right now, I get the rage and anger. I want to share something I did in a comparable non-infidelity situation.

I used to be a partner in a software start-up company that developed specialized software for case-management in law-enforcement. We were doing quite well when it was discovered that one partner was embezzling us. To cut a long story short we managed to sell the software to a competitor but I took over A LOT of debt to avoid bankruptcy.

At the time, I was renting a dingy little two-bedroom basement apartment. Every morning when I walked to my car I would look to the distance where I could see the great big house the former CFO owned, with its German Audi in the driveway and I would be full of hate. After quite some time I realized that my hate was taking too much of my time. So instead of looking at his house and cursing his existence I DECIDED to change my thoughts towards him.

Whenever I walked to my car I would glance to his house and think “Poor guy. No respect, no integrity, no honor.” I replaced the hate with pity. Pity implies you are weak, helpless. Hated implies you have power.

Frankly Rockstar I would rather be hated than pitied…