SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Nope, all good to change the locks. She signed stipulation agreement which covers period before final divorce. This is my residence not hers. I am golden to do with it what I want other than liquidate it without her agreement. Her residence is officially across the street and also specifically adressed in the agreement.

Dont worry I got the legal part down pretty good. :)

If she says no to the Florida trip I am taking my boys to a indoor waterpark for three days. Also something we used to do!

Sounds like she is now starting to see the consequences of her actions. My XWW had this crazy idea that we would still go on vacation to our timeshare together! I told her no chance I was going to pay all the costs for it and have her go with me. Told her I have no interest in spending my vacation time with her.

Hopefully your WW will see that she should give you this opportunity, as (hopefully) she will want to take a vacation at some point with your kids. Hopefully she won't try to use this as a way to be spiteful.

RsD,

I like what you've done. I like it a lot. And it is not just your actions. Those have been first rate. It is your attitude. You take actions to control what you can. And recognize those things you can't control. If she doesn't give you the two days (which perhaps you can't control because of the stipulations), you plan based on what you can control: three days at the water park.

Don't forget the alarm system :) Seriously, if she does try to break in and you have it documented then it would be an amazing benefit to any potential legal contention down the line.

Its a very small thing but I feel I have some control which is huge. Feel so much better seeing her break the ice queen routine. Not battling a robot just a screwed up human. I will do stuff for the kids, not going to make it all about her.

Her upcoming trips to NYC and Italy I was going to spend the money on for her to go on with her work friends will no doubt be skipped. Ha.

This was a turning point. Enough with the crying and injustice minset. She got 7 of my best years I aint giving her another day.

Enough with the crying and injustice minset. She got 7 of my best years I aint giving her another day.

You got it my friend! You may have moments of weakness and start remembering how wonderful life was when you were with her but that's just your psyche playing with you. Snap yourself back to reality by forcing yourself to remember just how life with her really was. Good times, bad times, and then the betrayal. That is reality...

Rockstardad (love the name btw because I feel like I'm one too) anyway I have just read this entire thread, and I must say what a terrible experience and I can't imagine how hard it is to see this happening right across the street in front of you, I commend you for being so strong thru it all!!

The way you are handling things and getting legal council so quickly is fantastic, I have learned and gained so much from this thread you have no idea. Thank you for sharing and all my best to you and your kids, you are truly a rock star dad!🤘🏻

Thanks. I learned a lot from reading everything I could for the last 2-3 weeks. It is difficult navigating this as the head is still spinning. Can't remember how many times I have walked in a room and forgot what I am doing there. The betrayal still hurts, still walking around with a knife sticking out of my chest, but I see light at the end of the tunnel. I cant imagine this ever goes away, but there is a good chance I find a much better soulmate who puts in just as much as me at the end of this. I dont need her, she needs someone else. I am stronger and will be stronger for my kids.

I should note, not sure that you are in the place that you are ready for this yet, but...

This doesn't end well for her. This literally never ends in the fairy-tale that cheaters think it's going to. It's easy to fall in love with the freshness of the affair. It's new, and everything new is great.

To enjoy the affair though, both of them needed someone at home to take care of the mundane everyday tasks. Pets, kids, laundry, etc... You really don't know anything about a person until you've been through it with them.

Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but someday your wife will have a WTF moment where she wonders what the hell she has done. She may not come running back to you, and might be too prideful to be open about it, but once the laundry piles up, the mortgage is due, or a family member dies, she will realize what she lost.

For now, your focus on your kids is right on. They are hurting and confused like you are. Take care of them and yourself.

I'm sorry, this is a real kick in the teeth.

I have had that thought. I am torn a little bit. I very much need my kids and want to limit there exposure to this screwed up situation, but part of me knows that this is enabling them to live there fairytale. I dont think there is a decision here for me though. I keep up with having the kids the vast majority of the time and after the divorce is final she is going to keep them her 4 days anyway and I wont be able to do much about it. She has mentioned how convienent it is being accross the street. When I have my credit back I need to blow this joint whether I really want to or not.

She has mentioned how convienent it is being accross the street.

That is just straight delusion.

Did you see any signs of behavior like this in your marriage before this?

I a world I control they would move and I stay near the kids school and where all their friends are. I cannot control them and they have been very vague when I did ask questions about there future plans the first couple weeks. I cant count on them to do anything, I need to control me and let them linger and look up and see I have moved on.

Delusions...no. She has no acknowledgment of this being wrong or weird or acknowledgement that our kids would look back and wonder wtf were u thinking.

If I look back she used to be a very simple person. Took 5 min to get ready, no makeup. After she started doing hair 4 years ago she started taking longer and linger and more makeup and more makeup.

Last year she insisted on a loaded pickup. Then she started botox, like her boss at work got. Then it was breast implants, that she... I

...that she said ahe always wanted. I kept saying that I thought she was beautiful how she was and didnt want her doing this stuff for me. Then it was a vagina rejuvenation this august (around when at least the EA started). Then came talk of injections in her cheeks to make them look bigger. When I look back I can see all the signs of insecurity/mid life crisis, but didnt think it would ever come to this.

I can see all the signs of insecurity/mid life crisis, but didnt think it would ever come to this.

My WW changed a ton too. I can't explain it. Maybe I changed some, but I'm still pretty much the guy I used to be, and have always been.

It wasn't your responsibility to stop her from making these mistakes. If she thinks that a vagina rejuvenation and cosmetic surgery is going to make her life better, she has a really tough lesson coming.

Like I said, take care of your kids. Show them normal. There is a life out there for you, it will find you.

2 days before DDay she was drunk and had come back accross the street and told me she had slept with a married man once. It was when she was young and she had met him in a bar, slept with him and laternfound out he was married with a 2 week year old. I told her that she didnt know at the time and that made the difference. She then told me that she had slept with a lot of people when she was younger. I was starting to get irritated as I thought she was intentionally trying to inflict pain and asked what she meant. After a couple minutes it was clear she had no idea how many people but that it probably...

was likely somewhere between 50-100 people. I told her that I didnt marry her for ther person she was I married her for who she was now.

I was horrified personally. I knew she had been wild but never felt a need to ask those questions. She was trying to push me away I think, but it made me wonder if she had some kind of childhood trauma she has kept hidden.

Dont worry I got STD tested already and am clean.

Would like to tell him about this after its final. With those kind of numbers it should bother him and reinforce she is a slut. Like to tell him he may be the cock in her now, but with those numbers pretty sure he wont be the last.

Dont know how she pulled off the nice girl image this long. Maybe she was playing up and just couldnt do it anymore and reverted to her true self.

Horrified I ever married her now. There was a gross misrepresentaion of values that I did not see. To me sex has always been in commited monogamous relationships where I (at least thought) I was in love and there was possibilty of a future. For her I think it fills a emotional gap of self worth.

She probably isn't the good girl or the promiscuous one. She probably isn't that calculated, she's just constantly chasing any sort of self-esteem boost that she can get.

I'm not sure how old she is, but women hit the point of diminishing returns FAR before men do. She can only get her vagina rejuvenated so many times. What happens when the new guy isn't so enamored with her looks anymore? She can't change who she is. She's still the same damaged person that cheated on you.

For the record, mine doesn't remember how many partners she had either, but knew it was over 100 ("well, if you're going to include orgies" <- she actually said that). I guess, red flag?

but it made me wonder if she had some kind of childhood trauma she has kept hidden.

Maybe? Doesn't matter much. My STBXWW has some serious personality issues. I think she had a very unstable upbringing by a mother who is very much like she is. She told me about being raped once, then it was more than once, then it was several times. I am not sure what the truth is, and I doubt that she does either.