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Home From Deployment to Hell

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SCARLETT94 posted 4/15/2018 14:44 PM

My heart broke for you reading that.
I'm so sorry.

SnowToArmPits posted 4/15/2018 14:54 PM

Jesus LCL, so sorry man.

You faced down The Spanish Inquisition, a lying beautiful wife, her stern Navy father, and her protective mother. With balls that big I'm surprised you could walk out of the O Club when it was over

You have an interesting career, a brotherhood of servicemen to lean on, and a regimented life - you're lucky to have that discipline and camaraderie to help put this behind you.

I hope this is of some consolation in a tough time, other SI posters mentioned this earlier, your thread at SI will be used as a master lesson of how to remove yourself from infidelity.

Good luck, and all the best.

WilliamM posted 4/15/2018 15:02 PM

You did exactly what I was hoping. And you did it perfectly. Now take care of yourself. Your mental health is vital. But you are on top of that too. You make me proud to have men like you serving this great country.

TimelessLoss posted 4/15/2018 15:33 PM

Astounding. I'm glad you finally got to use your voice after all these months. She lied right to the end. Huge disrespect going to the USNA with that POS. Mind boggling. I believe you successfully extinguished any hope her parents had. Their support for her will be key. And she'll be two hours away at their home and not on base for work.

Our professional military...they lean into the problem...run toward the firing. I congratulate you for facing down something no one should ever have to go through.

mchercheur posted 4/15/2018 15:48 PM

You did what many of us here wish we could have done.
It will take some time to heal from this, but coming here will help-----it has for me.
Sending you strength.

reallyscrewedup7 posted 4/15/2018 15:55 PM

Commander, that was beyond heartbreaking to read. But you handled it with dignity and honor. Bravo Zulu.

Hey, I just want to warn you, you are going to cycle. I know you've been compartmentalizing this shitstorm for many months. But at some point, the dam is going to break. Maybe just little breaks, but they will happen, over and over. That is just your mind processing. You will want to know why the hell she did this. You will want to blame yourself (yes, it will happen.) You will go from happy to angry to sad to angry and then do it all over again in a minute.

It is okay.

When you get down, know that you will get through this.

And your awesome self will continue to kick ass.

StillStanding1 posted 4/15/2018 16:06 PM

As difficult as that was, I think having that opportunity to set the record straight with her and her parents will benefit your healing in the end. You will always know that you handled this with dignity, strength, courage, and honor. I, likewise, am so proud and grateful that we have men like you serving our country.

And all of her continued lying and minimizing is par for the course, unfortunately. She was like someone drowning. Desperate to save herself, with no regard for anyone but herself. The drowning person will always try to climb on top of the person trying to save them and can drown them both.

Eventually, she may feel true remorse, but thatís no longer your issue. You are moving on. You will heal and go on to a great future.

As for her parents, their hearts will always be with her. Even when your children screw up mightily, you still love them and want whatís best for them. In their eyes, thatís you. Their main concern is not whatís best for you. Itís human nature, please do not take it personally. They know what she stands to lose - a good and honorable man. Iím sure they are sick to their stomachs. Iím certain they feel a loss in losing you as their SIL. They wish they could turn back time and erase all this, but it just doesnít work that way. You will all have to live with the fallout of her horrid choices. Iím also so sad for the OBS who has also had her world blown apart. So many lives affectedó all for the selfish choices of these two. A sad day.

God bless you as you recover, LtCdrLost. Better days are ahead.

The1stWife posted 4/15/2018 16:15 PM

Iím sorry it came to this and that you were forced into the infidelity club here at SI.

I think it is good that her parents know the full truth. It must have been painful for them but she can no longer fool them either. Her continued lies - typical cheater behavior BTW.

We refer to that as part of the hypothetical ďcheaters manualĒ. They all do it and it seems to be a pattern.

You have removed yourself from the drama and love bombing that would have occurred next.

Again so sorry for you.

MidnightRun posted 4/15/2018 16:20 PM

Your heart was broken, yet you kept the mindset of a warrior. Absolute kudos to both your integrity and military training.

A fine speciman of a real man, the complete opposite of slimmy fuckbuddy.

The sordid details threw the three for a loop. And the photos were the side dish for the shit dinner.

Your wife in an instant revealed herself to be an award-winning liar to the three individuals she claimed to love the most. Devastating.

I also told my ex that she forgot who she was married to as she unleashed a torrent of tears.

I'm damn proud of the caliber of leaders the Navy produces.

Again, I salute you.

Addendum: I also had a lawyer with shark-like skills.

PricklePatch posted 4/15/2018 16:48 PM

Allow yourself to feel and heal. I have no clue your drinking habits. Alcohol not so much, water yes.

You put so much into this investigation, preparation for destruction of POS OM, disengagement from your WW, you need to be allowed to feel and heal.

My heart broke for you reading that. There were no winners in this.

I find this heartbreaking. Remember there are healthy ways of coping and non healthy. I think you have found benefits within your Navy community, within your irl friends, and your SI community. Some men disappear, some find a good community here of people.

Have you told your family? This whole thing just sucks. It is a roller coaster.

You can survive and thrive.

[This message edited by PricklePatch at 4:49 PM, April 15th (Sunday)]

RippedSoul posted 4/15/2018 17:03 PM

Since reading your account, two things keep coming to my mind. First, the mind-boggling decisions Waywards make when in the throes of infatuation. She took him to the Academy? On those sacred grounds? Where you were married? (My WH, a ret Cdr, took his AP to our favorite restaurant, watched some soccer--our family sport--on the big screen, and told soccer stories about our All-State son. He discussed MY children with HER?!?!?)

Second, considering the sordid subject matter, you handled that as gently--yet firmly--as could be. You used her name (instead of invectives) when addressing her, you allowed her to speak, you poured her water, you shared your reasoning, you refrained from playing the proof . . .

My last three decades have been spent surrounded by naval officers who are near and dear to my heart. You are a credit to them, to your service branch, to the Academy, and to your parents. Best wishes now and in the future.


steadychevy posted 4/15/2018 17:08 PM

I wonder what was worse than this that married couples have gotten through that FIL referred to.

Another "mission" faced and defeated. As I've said before beware the down time. Emotions are sure to rush in and fill dead space. Best wishes, LCL.

k94ever posted 4/15/2018 17:12 PM


Look up a member called Spaceghost007. Read his posts. He took the same route you did.


MidnightRun posted 4/15/2018 17:26 PM

She's at her rock bottom and might make a last ditch effort to change your mind--a heartfelt letter pledging her undying love, one that will last forever.

Then, too, there's the attempted suicide possibility.

Just say'n.

hellzapoppin posted 4/15/2018 17:29 PM

Talk about a shock and awe campaign.

Amazing job. And despite so much pain.

HouseOfPlane posted 4/15/2018 17:40 PM

I'm willing to let her remain in the house as long as she'd like, then have it sold, proceeds to be split equally.
I would recommend getting it sold sooner than later, as it acts as a tether between you. It will need to be cleaned up and prepped for sale and all of that goat rope. Maybe she could just buy you out? Quick and easy with no costs to realtors. Consider making her an offer she'd be nuts to refuse. Clean and done.

Cooley2here posted 4/15/2018 17:43 PM

I hope you will check in here often. We want to walk with you as you heal because it is never in a straight line. Sometimes having strangers prop you up means that you can keep your Navy face on for work.
Be safe, take care.

Butforthegrace posted 4/15/2018 18:16 PM

LtC: If the court martial of the POSOM goes to trial, it is possible xWW would be called as a witness. Would be interesting to hear that testimony.

deeplysad posted 4/15/2018 18:26 PM

This is my first time posting on your thread, but reading the conversation between you and your STBXW and her family was heart breaking. I'm so very, very sorry for the pain that I know you're in. ((((Huge Hugs))))

From the beginning, I've wondered to myself - didn't she know who she was married to? Your response should not be a surprise to her!

Thank you for your service...and by the way, I live near San Diego - you will be loving the weather.

Be kind to yourself.

LtCdrLost posted 4/15/2018 18:42 PM

I want to thank you each again for helping a stranger chart a course through unknown waters. You have my gratitude.

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 6:55 PM, April 15th (Sunday)]

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