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Home From Deployment to Hell

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MrMagnolia posted 4/17/2018 21:00 PM

The "OODA Loop" and "180" aren't one in the same by any means but they are both processes that allow human beings to perform and even possible to thrive and grow under extreme distress.

I believe that LtCdr was able to handle this situation as well as he has because you were prepared for it without knowing you were. I also believe that you clearly have a strong internal motor, high intellect, and barrels and barrels of willpower that served you well here. Even on top of that, however, A lot of the concepts we encourage other BS to embrace when they get here (the 180 and lots of the Healing Library) were concepts LtdCdr has been living by for some time in the "OODA Loop". So when Ltd was "Lost" after betrayal he was still about as prepared for it as anyone has ever been and your WW and her OM found out you were far from helpless.

Still a kick in the nuts though isn't it? Fuck, yes it is! but you did everything in your power to make sure you responded to that kick in the way you wanted to and that's pretty impressive.

MidnightRun posted 4/17/2018 21:22 PM

Stbx probably saw om as a disposable you. Now she has neither the real thing nor the doll.

Chicky posted 4/17/2018 21:38 PM

My mind races, so doing mundane tasks helps me.

Ditto. I painted nonstop...every single room of my house...including the trim...by myself...in 9 days...5850 square feet. When that wasn't enough I remodeled 2 of the bathrooms and changed 3 light fixtures. The people at Home Depot knew me by name.

Tawnee1969 posted 4/17/2018 23:04 PM

To paraphrase someone's old tag line on here: "Was the fucking you got worth the fucking you're getting?"

I love when justice is served.

This is mine.

My Mother's advice. Seems apt in so many situations.

Unhinged posted 4/17/2018 23:31 PM

I'm going to allow myself to mourn my lost marriage properly but I'm not going to internalize my stbxw's character flaws.
This is one of the most accurate and insightful statements I've read here on SI.

OneInTheSame posted 4/18/2018 00:31 AM

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your story with us. You have provided us with an illustration of what learning to count to ten can do when faced with a situation in which most of us, wound tight as a spring at the time we discovered infidelity, were incapable of. It is satisfying to see it properly done.

For many of us (I imagine) your sharing has provided a catharsis that our own situations may have been unable to. For that I am thankful. You have also graciously shared your very real humanity too, and that helps each and every heart here to recognize it in ourselves.

I know I have come away from this very long discussion appreciating what I have done right, even amidst the many mistakes I made after my own d-day. I have seen a little of your honor in myself, and that is balm to a spirit that was nearly wiped out in my own ordeal. And I am sure I am not alone in saying that, because the outpouring of gratitude for your service, your honor, and your generosity with us has been a healing expression from even the most broken of hearts in this forum.

I believe this thread could possibly become a teaching story of how to maintain one's honor and good character in the face of terrible betrayal. I have not always behaved perfectly in the last 2 1/2 years since I was plunged into infidelity's pit by a selfish partner . . . but as I have followed along with your story, I have come to realize that some of the lessons life had taught me did have some sticking power after all. I thought I had lost myself because of my wife's no-good very-poor choice to cheat . . . but I am happy to report that your story and how you have handled your ordeal has truly helped me see that some of my best parts have survived, intact, in spite of it all . . .

Thank you.

Hope2B posted 4/18/2018 00:39 AM

PM coming at ya

MidnightRun posted 4/18/2018 00:48 AM

Your decisiveness amid heartbreak mirrors my own.

DIFM posted 4/18/2018 05:17 AM

....but I'm not going to internalize my stbxw's character flaws.

The number of BS' s that become engulfed in internalizing their WS's flaws is sad and unfortunate. If more BS's could adopt this strategy earlier, much less pain and sorrow would be endured.

Good for you!

LtCdrLost posted 4/18/2018 06:27 AM

Folks, I'd like to say thank you again to all who have commented. I'll check back here periodically over the next two weeks and I'll respond to comments, albeit at a lesser tempo. I have a lot to get my head around I know. Life has taken a different path than what I had envisioned, but please recall I've known about my duplicitous stbxw for almost five months, since the photo of her and her FT on their "date" found its way to me. I'll be back, this is just a decompression/R&R interval for me, one I'd have taken after a long deployment anyway. Be well and take care. - LtCdrLost sends.

deephurt posted 4/18/2018 06:36 AM

Be well. Take care and donít hesitate to vent here on si

Let us know how you are doing when you can.

Lalagirl posted 4/18/2018 07:04 AM

Take care....

Dismayed2012 posted 4/18/2018 07:45 AM

Take care of yourself, decompress, and and have fun LCL.

SCARLETT94 posted 4/18/2018 08:02 AM

Have a great trip!

Hg65 posted 4/18/2018 08:23 AM

Good luck and godspeed on new life in "sunny and 75" San Diego...perhaps the biggest blow of all to your STBXW, she will be missing out on Coronado!

lostcovenants posted 4/18/2018 08:57 AM

I wish you fair winds and following seas, sailor.

From the sister, daughter, and granddaughter of sailors.


Western posted 4/18/2018 09:49 AM

as a cop, we are trained in the OODA loop. It keeps our heads above water. The way you acted decisively regarding this has been admirable. I always encourage people to think with mind over heart. Your example is the reason why.

Please keep us informed about where things play out from here.

We are all in your corner on this one.

One last question. Is the stbxw leaving you alone and accepted the fate ?

steadychevy posted 4/18/2018 22:49 PM

Wish I'd known about the OODA loop before just now - like a long time ago. My heart overrode my head and gut time and time again.

MalibuBayBreeze posted 4/19/2018 08:38 AM

Wish I'd known about the OODA loop before just now - like a long time ago. My heart overrode my head and gut time and time again.

Same here. Wish I had been able to rule with my head not my heart.

LCL, I truly hope you enjoy your getaway to the fullest extent. You more than deserve it.

20yrsagoBS posted 4/19/2018 21:22 PM

I REALLY hope you are having a GREAT time, even if you are tempted to peek in here from time to time.

You do deserve to decompress, enjoy some time away from the drama and STBX

Enjoy, buddy, enjoy

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