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devotedman ( member #45441) posted at 4:55 PM on Friday, April 13th, 2018
LtCdrLost, on the subject of confrontation / closure.
Why would you expect one word of truth that would benefit you out of her mouth at all?
Consider:
Has she told the truth so far?
Has she done anything to benefit you so far?
What is in it for her to tell you the truth? Make herself look bad? Have a difficult conversation? Put herself in a position where she _must_ acknowledge that she is acting in a horrible, unconscionable, manner?
What is in it for her to lie? She gets you off of her back and continues to look good to herself by justifying and blameshifting?
Do not put any trust whatsoever in anything that she says. She has absolutely benefited herself so far. She will continue to do so. Even if you got the absolute truth out of her, how would you know?
Me: 2xBS b 1962 xWW after 2 decades, xWGF after almost 1.
Amelia Pond: Who are you?
The Doctor: I don't know yet. I'm still cooking.
ENFP-A. Huh.
MidnightRun ( member #59434) posted at 5:14 PM on Friday, April 13th, 2018
twisted ( member #8873) posted at 5:16 PM on Friday, April 13th, 2018
Just wanted to say Good luck.
I never served, but those that cheat on a spouse that is deployed has a special place of contempt in my book.
This isn't personal any longer, it's business. That's how you get through it.
"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
LivingWithPain ( member #60578) posted at 6:11 PM on Friday, April 13th, 2018
Good luck LtCdrLost. I hope things go as smoothly as possible.
When you get to San Diego make sure you take a trip out to Coronado Island. The beach is quite nice and the weather is just about perfect. Good eats everywhere.
Me - 39; WW - 36
Married 13 years
1 Adopted Son age 18
Still married and living together: attempting to reconcile.
k94ever ( member #11176) posted at 6:13 PM on Friday, April 13th, 2018
Retired AF here.
Good luck LtCom.
No if's, and, or buts about it...it just hurts.
And to do it while you are on Deployment hurts even more....
k9
BS:61
WS: 53
Betrayed: 24 years
Affairs: 15 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.
PricklePatch ( member #34041) posted at 6:18 PM on Friday, April 13th, 2018
My prayers are with you today.
squid ( member #57624) posted at 6:22 PM on Friday, April 13th, 2018
LtCdrLost,
Best of luck to you today. I'm impressed by your focus, especially in the wake of such trauma.
Be prepared for that all to go south, once the shock wears off.
Strength to you. And thank you for your service.
BH
D-Day 2.19.17
Divorced 12.10.18
This isn’t what any of us signed up for. But it is the hand that we have been dealt. Thus, we must play it.
LtCdrLost (original poster member #63398) posted at 7:37 PM on Friday, April 13th, 2018
All the moving parts are in synch. The house is done, anything that matters to me is in my possession. There were two bonuses there. The neighbor two houses down on the other side of the street walked over and we had a hell of a conversation. He said he'd have contacted me if he knew any way to have done that. He documented a lot of what he saw and he's willing to be deposed. Retired Navy, still looking out for the Blue and Gold...
We also spent some time with both PC's, her laptop and her tablet. There was no time to assess anything but it's all extracted on USB sticks for later eval. All passwords were unchanged, ha ha. Stupid whore...
Joint CC's are canked and I'm headed to the soon to be former in-laws now. This part is going to suck bad.
WW will be served sometime in the next two hours. The party is over, honey.
[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 5:31 PM, April 13th (Friday)]
Formerly banned as Hiram, a fraud and liar.
LivingWithPain ( member #60578) posted at 7:45 PM on Friday, April 13th, 2018
Me - 39; WW - 36
Married 13 years
1 Adopted Son age 18
Still married and living together: attempting to reconcile.
LtCdrLost (original poster member #63398) posted at 7:53 PM on Friday, April 13th, 2018
When you get to San Diego make sure you take a trip out to Coronado Island.
LivingWithPain, I'll be sure to do that.
[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 11:46 PM, April 16th (Monday)]
Formerly banned as Hiram, a fraud and liar.
MidnightRun ( member #59434) posted at 7:56 PM on Friday, April 13th, 2018
My virtual salute.
You're destined to go far in the Navy, and it's excellent that you took swift action to excise this cancer.
We're rooting for you.
Creatingpeace ( member #46377) posted at 8:07 PM on Friday, April 13th, 2018
Thanks for the update, I have been refreshing this page like it's my job!
I hope it goes well with the IL.
HopeFloats2272 ( member #39264) posted at 8:10 PM on Friday, April 13th, 2018
Who knew your military training would come in so handy?
When the "special ops" are over you are going to be left with your own thoughts and feelings of the hell you just went through. My heart goes out to you.
This may not be the appropriate time to say this but I think you're going to be a great dad one day and an even better husband to the woman that deserves you.
[This message edited by HopeFloats2272 at 2:12 PM, April 13th (Friday)]
BS- 40, WH 38Married 13yrs, 2 Sweet Boys-9 & 13DD#1: 1/10/12- 6mo EADD#2: 8/23/12-1PA, 2ONS in 2010 and 1EA/PA in 2004DD#3: 9/10/12- ONS w/friend in 2010Lots of other crap and TT Divorcing....finally.
Western ( member #46653) posted at 8:11 PM on Friday, April 13th, 2018
so you have possession of the house ?
She wasn't home ? Where was she ?
Let us know about how the service goes ?
Coreofsteel ( member #62501) posted at 8:24 PM on Friday, April 13th, 2018
You deserve better. I'm thinking of you today and hope that this helps you on the path to peace. You're impressing the hell out of me.
ME: BS. Together with wayward spouse for 4 years. D-Day Jan 24, 2018. D-Day #2 Feb 5, 2018. D-day #3 from numerous other people, March 15. D-day #4 April 9, sex with more people and a hooker. NO future.
LivingWithPain ( member #60578) posted at 8:54 PM on Friday, April 13th, 2018
LivingWithPain, Coronado is the reason I'm going to Sandy Eggo next week. It'll be like going home. I began this journey there in 2004 and that's going to be my next permanent duty station.
Whenever I'm in SD I stay at a hotel across the channel on Shelter Island right across from the Coronado Air Station. I love it there. San Diego is where I would live if I could stand paying the taxes there.
Me - 39; WW - 36
Married 13 years
1 Adopted Son age 18
Still married and living together: attempting to reconcile.
LtCdrLost (original poster member #63398) posted at 8:54 PM on Friday, April 13th, 2018
Western I have my possessions from the house. I don’t intend to ever walk through that door again. Some of my things were in our bedroom, I had very strong emotions coursing though me in that room knowing what has undoubtedly occurred in there.
Formerly banned as Hiram, a fraud and liar.
ICaughtThem ( member #45041) posted at 8:54 PM on Friday, April 13th, 2018
I'm going to Sandy Eggo next week.
Did you know that's German for "a whale's vagina"?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cT8sIT4vBUQ
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.
LtCdrLost (original poster member #63398) posted at 9:05 PM on Friday, April 13th, 2018
I did not, ha ha. It’s Navyspeak for San Diego.
Formerly banned as Hiram, a fraud and liar.
HopeFloats2272 ( member #39264) posted at 9:05 PM on Friday, April 13th, 2018
While I have no sympathy for your STBXWW it sucks knowing some poor unsuspecting woman is going to have her world blown apart in just a little bit.
Edited to add: I'm referring to OBS (other betrayed spouse)
[This message edited by HopeFloats2272 at 3:25 PM, April 13th (Friday)]
BS- 40, WH 38Married 13yrs, 2 Sweet Boys-9 & 13DD#1: 1/10/12- 6mo EADD#2: 8/23/12-1PA, 2ONS in 2010 and 1EA/PA in 2004DD#3: 9/10/12- ONS w/friend in 2010Lots of other crap and TT Divorcing....finally.
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