SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm not a sugar daddy lol

He's the sugar daddy right now and is paying for everything from what I can see.

Honestly, I'd file for divorce. She's lying. She continues to have contact. She is cake eating.

If she isn't knocked senseless by the fact that you actually filed for divorce, then at least you won't have wasted time attempting to reconcile.

Filing doesn't mean divorce but it certainly is effective in letting WSs know that you aren't fucking around.

I am very sorry to find you here on this site... but note that you will receive some great advice all earned with pain and heartache from folk who have been were you are at. The ones who keep calm and follow it find themselves having the upper hand. Indecisiveness, lack of boundaries and enforcement of principles is a sure indication that you will be back here again.

99.99% of the time, I think cheaters do not deserve second chances. So I tell you the same. The damage has been done and your life will never be the same. You will never be whole again but you can certainly move on and rediscover your manhood and happiness. Many of us have.

I am not even going to try to convince you that she is lying through her teeth.( I think you know it in your gut) This is typical cheater behavior and this is no unique trait. They all do it. Its self preservation. She wants the security of having you and yet wants to discover herself with POS other man. You are now plan B. She does not have eyes for you.

However you try setting up a surprise lie detector test. There will be hesitation and mention that it is not 100% reliable. But be insistent. If she has nothing to hide she will do it. If not.. you will have your answer. You may get a confession before it even goes there. Even then take everything at face value.. there will still be lies. Lots of it.

My advice is to move on. Give yourself the attention you deserve. Go to the gym, dress better etc etc. pay her zero attention what so ever. "Do not" have sex with her. and make a clean break if you can if you don't have kids.

Trust me, the tides will turn soon enough if you can plan out your strategy and execute it calmly but decisively.

I have a 10 night break coming up that that I'm going away on my own.

I've already stated im filing when I get back and have told her to find alternative accommodation. I will definitely do it and I think she knows I'm serious.

However I've already had the "you can't kick me out" bullshit. So I'm not sure what to make of that.

Gather evidence and file

Stick to the game-plan.

How is it that she still invited me out for a drink and a bite to eat? It ended in a bit of an argument as I lost my cool at the end of the night.

Why is she trying to keep me sweet? Is this all part of the deception?

So confused.

There isn't really much evidence and that's what's been killing me. I can't go to a divorce lawyer and present much evidence. All I have is my gut and what she's told me.

Why is she trying to keep me sweet? Is this all part of the deception?

You're her meal ticket.

How is it that she still invited me out for a drink and a bite to eat? It ended in a bit of an argument as I lost my cool at the end of the night.

Why is she trying to keep me sweet? Is this all part of the deception?

So confused.

Well, you could look at it another way, and ask why she would want to fight. At the moment, she is cake-eating, and loving it. There is no point for her to make waves. And she also has to bear in mind that at some point her boyfriend is going to move on, and she has to keep her home base safe.

I think you should separate your finances as much as possible, and move as much money as you can out of the joint account. However, it would be wise for you to see a lawyer as soon as possible, because if you totally emptied the account, it could be treated legally as unreasonable behaviour.

You are going away for ten days and you don't have much evidence? Well, this break would be an ideal time to have her trailed by a private investigator. A PI can also advise you on what surveillance can be done via her phone, and do some investigation into her affair partner.

In your home, you can place one or more VARs (voice activated recorders in strategic places where you think she may use a phone), and you can get one or more motion-activated cameras that are disguised as little digital clocks, etc. They are quite simple and straightforward, and you can find them on Amazon. Doing this means that if she brings him to the house, you will know, and you will have your evidence.

I am very sorry this has happened, but it is good that you have found this forum. Many, many people here have been through similar experiences, and not only can they advise you, but they prove beyond a doubt that we can survive these things and reclaim our lives.

Thinking of you, and sending strength.

Once you file, your lawyer will instruct you on how to deal with residency.

She has less than zero respect for you or the marriage, and expects you to whither from your commitment to file.

And, she'll likely try the 'pussy coma' approach to keep you tethered, while tripping the light fantastic with her 'soul mate'.

2 DAYS AFTER SHE RETURNED FROM HER LAST HOTEL STAY WITH HIM

This is your proof. Go to the hotel and get surveillance from their security cameras or have your attorney subpoena it. The only one that has to be convinced is yourself. I am going to put this bluntly if a man and woman are in a hotel room together they have sex. You do not have to have video of the act. Follow M1965's suggestion on evidence and PI usage. Go quiet about the affair and allow her to provide you the documentation you need if you feel more is required. I can tell you your wife in a hotel room with another man multiple times may be enough. Think about it.

Please implement this mantra of SI:

Believe nothing your wayward wife says and 50% of her actions.

If her lips are moving she is lying. Cheaters cannot help it unless they do the work to heal themselves. Presently, she has no interest in doing anything except the other man.

[This message edited by Ripped62 at 5:45 PM, July 15th (Sunday)]

So she has just text me asking when I'm going to be back because she had left one of the windows open in her shop. Well I walked past the shop and checked and guess what no open windows.

I really feel like responding angrily and saying no fucking for you tonight bitch.

But I guess I just ignore right?

Ignore her is correct. Discuss nothing but kids and finances.

Phrases to use if you ever must respond:

* I am not Okay with that

* I see things differently

* That is interesting

* It's unfortunate for you that you feel that way

* I am sorry you feel that way

* It is hard to hear your words when your actions speak so loudly

* You do what you feel you have to do. I will do the same

This will cover all conversations and stop arguments. In fact they are conversation stoppers. Use them when you must interact with your wife until she decides to get her head out of her arse.

[This message edited by Ripped62 at 5:28 PM, July 15th (Sunday)]

2 DAYS AFTER SHE RETURNED FROM HER LAST HOTEL STAY WITH HIM

Bingo.

How is it that she still invited me out for a drink and a bite to eat? It ended in a bit of an argument as I lost my cool at the end of the night.

Why is she trying to keep me sweet? Is this all part of the deception?

So confused

So she has just text me asking when I'm going to be back because she had left one of the windows open in her shop. Well I walked past the shop and checked and guess what no open windows.

No contact means no contact, read the 180 again.

It only works if you apply ift fully

Ignore her. Unless you want more of what you've been getting

[This message edited by Marz at 5:43 PM, July 15th (Sunday)]

I wish there was something positive to say to you about this but the truth is she is playing you. You provide the money and the stability and she gets to be a teenager. I have no idea how you are hanging on the way you are. Just look after yourself and consult an attorney as soon as you can. You need to protect yourself and your finances

Eating with her and socializing is not Detaching. It’s not the 180.

Unless you are filing for D due to infidelity (only a few states allow that) then you don’t need proof.

I’m still confused why you let her go off for a few days with him in a hotel. Maybe I missed it. Did u think she was with someone else?

The 180 means doing no favors for her. It means no meals with her. It means she is having an affair and is with another man when she’s not with you so let her go be with him and NOT WITH YOU.

Who are you going away with? Was this already planned before your DDay? Make sure your lawyer doesn’t view this as abandonment of your family.

Until she admits what she has done and goes NC with the AP and starts IC there is no hope for R.

Start planning. Talk to a lawyer tomorrow. Filing for D doesn’t ensure it will end that way. It just shows her you won’t be in a 3 way marriage.

Good luck.

[This message edited by Stevesn at 8:22 PM, July 15th (Sunday)]

You're runner-up in your own damn marriage. Stevie Wonder can see that.

The next time she proposes dinner and drinks, hand her D papers.

I’m still confused why you let her go off for a few days with him in a hotel. Maybe I missed it. Did u think she was with someone else?

No the first time I caught her out on her way back from a few days with her friend. It was a hotel in his home town and she went there and stayed then left to come home the next day.

The other times she has stayed with him she claims she was just crashing at his place after a night out.