SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

That's how I found out. He gave me an STD. He is a professional athlete and he told me there was an outbreak of MSRA in the locker room and all players and their spouses would need to take a couple doses of an antibiotic.

I knew it was bullshit, but I played it cool. When he came home with the antibiotic, I looked up the concoction and according to the CDC, it is the recommended treatment for gonorrhea. My husband gave me gonorrhea. I had been having lower abdominal pains for months. I probably have pelvic inflammatory disease. Who knows what else this asshole exposed me to. And I am still nursing our 18 month old daughter. It's one thing for him to cheat, but to not even protect me and to expose me to his crap.

I confronted him and he admitted "it was only head" froma random girl he met at a party at his teammates house. I absolutely don't believe it was just that.

I have no idea how to even begin healing. Looking back, I am not surprised he cheated. I am surprised he didn't at least use protection. I am so hurt. This isn't the even the first instance of infidelity. Why do I allow this?

I am so sorry you are going through this.

How long have you been married?

We have been together 10 years. We just "celebrated" 5 years of marriage with my new std.

[This message edited by emartee at 12:56 PM, August 4th (Saturday)]

Hi, welcome to SI.

Please find a good therapist to figure out why you would tolerate his behavior.

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

He put your life at risk without a thought.

Cheaters lie, I am glad you are not believing his bullsh*t.

You deserve a loving and faithful partner AND your child deserves a stable, loving home without all of this toxicity.

Hugs...

Get tested. Sometimes the test will stay positive for a couple of a couple of weeks. It could be ammunition.

And oral transmission of GC or Chlamydia is rare. So, bullshit.

(Gynecologist here).

My husband also cheated through all 3 pregnancies, and while I was breastfeeding. Sheer luck I didn't get passed an STD.

Infidelity is horrible enough. But putting an innocent baby, HIS baby at risk...fucking disgusting.

Then he LIES again about MRSA. He doesn't give a shit at all about you. Only his own penis.

Have you gone to your ob/gyn? Please go immediately and get a full STD screening. There are things antibiotics won't cure. Knowledge is power.

Go today. Honestly, multiple DDay's? He will never change. He is showing you who he is. Believe him.

Being further down the line than you, with 20/20 hindsight, I say lawyer up immediately. Do NOT sleep with him. If you are in a fault state, that could translate as "forgiveness.". Find out what your rights are.

Do not take the antibiotics until you see your own doctor. Get that positive STD result on paper.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 2:17 PM, August 4th (Saturday)]

I am sincerely in tune with the pain/shame you are going through right now. I am truly sorry you are experiencing this.

It is even difficult for me to write this. But, I am, on a dark level, envious that you have such proof. I have wished this to happen to me so I can get past her lies and manipulations.

[This message edited by CrossedArrow at 2:42 PM, August 4th (Saturday)]

Hello ...

I am so very sorry you find yourself here. Your discovery of infidelity by getting an STD is just awful.

I have a family member that is an MD, and unfortunately it isn’t that uncommon to go in for a regular visit, and to suddenly discover you have an STD from your cheating spouse.

Whothebleep gave you some great advice, and others will follow. Please read and post often. It’s really, really helpful.

Run, don’t walk to an attorney ... in fact schedule consults with several of the best in town. Just find out your options, it doesn’t mean you have to make any big decisions just yet.

And, absolutely, positively DO NOT have sex with him. He is not a safe partner.

So he's saying putting his penis in someone else's mouth is ok because it wasn't the full Monty? He lives on an interesting planet, doesn't he?

My ex gave me a dose and lied like a rug until my test results came back. Discovered 20 years of similar behaviour and much worse. Which is why he's my ex.

Get tested, do NOT have sex with him, and get to a counsellor for yourself asap.

Big hugs, you will survive this but it's going to be a hell of a ride.

I have gone to my doctor to get a full panel done. Pending results.

I am in Texas, which is a no-fault state. I did have a consultation with a lawyer yesterday, but she said that she didn't get the vibe from me that she is ready to pull the trigger and the truth is I'm not. I'm not ready to be divorced at almost 30. I hate his ass so much, but I'm still wanting him to change. Why!

Almost 30 is young. Don't wait until your over 40 and had enough of the games. This won't change but your spirit will if you stay with someone who keeps lying. Pushing drugs at you and lying.....meanwhile you've been suffering not knowing. That's not love, that's abusive.

I have to agree, pushing medication at you and not telling you why is unforgivable. He needed to tell you immediately, especially if you are nursing.

Take care of yourself, and lean on close friends / family. Find a great therapist and just alllow yourself to process this. You are likely in a state of shock, and you are caring for a young child.

Keep reading and posting.

I don't want to sound harsh, because believe me... no matter WHAT you ultimately decide, this forum is going to support you.

But you are still YOUNG. Are you really willing to put up with this crap for the next 20 or 30 years? If that had been syphilis or hiv instead of gonorrhea, it could have transmitted through your breast milk (probably would have too because he waited MONTHS to tell you). So, not only did he risk your health and your life, he risked his own child. It's completely okay to be pissed about that.

My WH didn't physically cheat on me (that I know of anyway) until we'd been married for more than 30 years. So, if you don't think a selfish man is capable of wasting ALL your youth and vitality, have another think. They can and they do.

I'm not trying to talk you into jumping right to divorce, but you're still young and vibrant enough that you would do well to weigh your options carefully.

((big hugs))

I'm sorry, but WHAT? He gave you medication and you didn't go to the doctor yourself since you're breastfeeding to see how this would affect this and get tests done?

He gave you medication that wasn't doctor-approved and you hadn't visited one WHILE YOU ARE BREASTFEEDING? He exposed your child to this!?

This man is a monster.

I have a few friends with a shitty marriage in their past, divorced in their 20's. Found a faithful honest husband the second time around. It is not rare at all to divorce at such a young age. Hell, I married at 29 and WH was already cheating. I WISH I knew back then. I didn't find out until 41 that my entire marriage was a lie. Here I am at 44, divorcing.

Your age shouldnt affect your decision. You've gotten great advice. I understand the shock. Know that you deserve better. You deserve honesty. The next man may not be "exciting" like a pro athlete...but you will have the chance for an authentic relationship. You are his wife. You birthed his child. Legally, financially, you will be protected.

This life is so short. Demand the best for yourself. Someone worthy. Sending hugs.

You and your situation break my heart.

Big hugs to you.

(((emartee)))

I was married at 30 and had children at 33 and 37.

You are YOUNG.

Do what is best for you and your child. Do not waste your youth on a cheater who exposes you and your child to diseases.

Please find a counselor for yourself.You should not be putting up with this behaviour, especially that it was not the first time and most certainly would not be the last.

I wanted to check on you. I am going to assume a few things. Being a professional athlete your husband has had many beliefs compounded regarding who he is based on his athletic ability. You alone will not be able to change him as a person.

It’s very similar to doctors, many of them are cheaters as well with crowds of people adoring them.

You mention you are 30. So you have been together since you were 20. How did you meet? I am going to guess your whole life is emeshed in him.

You are not ready to divorce. What about seeing a therapist to learn boundaries in dealing with your serial cheater husband? I imagine in your social circle many women deal with cheating. Ask a close friend who her therapist is. You want to find someone who can help you become assertive in your marriage.

The only issue which can change in this marriage is you. Do not accept a substandard life. You are worth more. Do you have any type of contract to prevent you from going to the media. Texas May be a no fault state, however hiring a PI could benefit you. Gathering evidence of team carnange, can give you a bargaining chip. And if your husband is an in front of camera athelete. Use it to negotiate.

Yeah, my best friends husband is an airline pilot. Same situation as you. It’s extremely hard to give up on the person you love and the lifestyle. She got a lot of counseling to help her make the decision to D him, but she knew it would be like this over and over. And she knew in 5 years he could come home with a child from somebody else and divorce HER.

Hugs...

E, he's NOT going to change and be the father and husband you want him to be.

1. He's cheated before and you did nothing.

2. He's a pro athlete with the mindset of a god.

3. The culture does not discourage infidelity.

I sincerly hope you find the courage and backbone to leave this situation if not for you, at least for your child.

k9