SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I got a temporary support order! Wish me luck on Friday custody is next

Good luck Mojojo !!!

Good luck Mojojo!

Hoping all goes well in court for you.

Yay! More mojo for Friday! (((Mojojo)))

Good job Mojojo!!!!!!

Check to see how your state collects CS. Don't count on him sending you a check because he's not.

Some states automatically garnish paychecks; see what your state does and take advantage of any programs that distances/eliminates any direct contact with your X regarding CS payments.

k9

Hi everyone thank you for your support

I will set up a third party way to receive child support as he can’t stop talking about not paying me anything! Here is a sample text of his:

WS: “It’s not hard. Compromise for fair quality time spent with both. Fair support on both sides. I would like to split things and buy him what he wants and needs also like I always have done for everyone. I’m not a monster and easy to compromise with if treated with basic respect. I’m hurting also. The courts make you do things you don’t want necessarily. “

BS: (Ummm...Actually the courts decisions are a result of the swirling vortex of chaos that you created when you decided to abandon your family and have two affairs!)

I’ve learned that he doesn’t want to pay me any child support!

I can’t trust him at all, can’t trust his motives or what he says! He tries to be nice to get what he wants and if he doesn’t get it he threatens and returns to verbal abuse and makes demands! I’m so glad I have a good lawyer to help me sort through his crap! He is detached from his actions but there are still consequences coming!

Mojojo, stay resolute in your demands. Let your attorney handle him and his whining. He created this mess and now he must pay the price.

I can’t trust him at all, can’t trust his motives or what he says!

I will set up a third party way to receive child support

Brilliant idea. Then he is tangling with the state, and the state doesn't like deadbeats. Also, at the moment STBX thinks he is smarter than you and also that the rules of the state/court do not apply to him.

The state will keep excellent records of every payment. The state will direct deposit into your account. The state will garnish his wages if he fails to pay and in my state the employer was in trouble if they did not garnish CS if there was a court order to do so. Also, in my state it was free to use the Child Support Registry to go after WS for noncompliance.

The state has many "remedies" for noncompliance too.

Really struggling tonight with the onset of fall and going through our pictures...better put these away I’m not ready.. so heartbroken...crying it all doesn’t make any sense

There will continue to be tough times. Really, you're not that far into this. You've done all the right things so far. You know what he is now - and he isn't a nice person! So, although it hurts, you are in a better place than to still be with him and him still cheating AND a baby on the way.

Keep the photos for your son, but pack them away. Pack or throw everything that makes you trigger or feel sad.

It will get better. And when you reach the point of indifference, you will smile. Hugs.

Thanks for the great support and advice. I’m losing so much sleep mulling over all the details of this infidelity crisis! Is this a form of post traumatic stress? This sucks so much! I’m trying to move forward in my head but seem to be going backward in my heart! We go back to court soon and I just have to stay strong

(((Mojojo)))

Please be gentle to yourself. Many have said it takes 2-5 years to recover from infidelity, for me it has been 4 years and I am finally starting to find myself. It’s ok to grieve, you have suffered a loss, your child has suffered a loss and it is terrible.

Update:

Judge ruled in my sons favor! No visits with his new baby momma present, no over nights, until he’s had therapy and enough time to catch up with all of these extreme life changes WS has created!!! I’m very happy that my 12 year old has a voice in court and his feelings are being respected! My X doesn’t get it and is still blaming me for what he’s done!

My favorite high light from court:

My lawyer conferenced with his lawyer and the judge before we went into the court room. My sons law guardians recommendation weighed in at the conference too.

They talked for 15 minutes before hand which is unusual. We went in and WS was so surprised that he didn’t get what he wanted. He also got reprimanded for bringing our son home late on school nights. After it was over my lawyer told me what was said at the pre court conference.

WS lawyer said to the judge “this idiot wants over nights with his paramour!” “ I have to ask because that’s what my client wants”.

Love that his own lawyer is referring to him as an idiot!

I’m just trying to buy my child more time to grow and process this evil shit his father has done to him. Finding a therapist is going to take some time and then getting the therapy itself and then going back to court again....time is on our side for now.

Mojojo,

This is fantastic news.

I am so happy for you and your son.

Please check with the school on possible recommended counselors and your EAP if you have one at work.

You are a great mother.

Better days are ahead.

(((big hugs)))

Great update!

I really wish I knew how my WH affair baby is due the end of this month. I keep telling him I don"t know or think I'm strong enough to stick around for that baby being born and my kids having a new brother it breaks my heart

Good news indeed, Mojojo. Stay strong.

Great to see the law on the correct side for once. Keep going, you're doing GREAT!!

I was supposed to go on a boyscout trip with my son to another city 4 hrs away this weekend. But it ended up being my WS weekend with him because I had to flip flop and accommodate changes in WS schedule so many times. So I couldn’t go on the trip that I planned with him and WS slid into my place playing the “I’m the assistant scoutmaster card”! First of all he hasn’t assisted or mastered anything with the boys scouts for the past five months ever since he began inserting his penis and time elsewhere! My son was upset that there was a last minute change of plans and I wasn’t going and his dad was! He won’t be back until Monday and hopefully the other people on the trip will buffer WS being such an asshole. WS sent me this text message:

I understand your anger is a part of the healing process. But I don’t have to be under attack from you for the rest of my life. I just wish we could both be mature enough to handle things without fighting arguing or anything else. And I need you to stop putting me down as a person. I’ve had that enough in my life. Just because I’ve made some bad choices here and there doesn’t make me a bad person. I already know forgiveness is the hardest thing but it is necessary to move forward without those weapons just like that pastor said. It only holds you back.

He is still very detached and clueless about the magnitude of what he’s done to his family!

My reply:

Angry at you for the rest of your life? It’s been 5 months Since I broke up with you because YOU were cheating on ME! My therapist said it’s going to take between 2-5 years to recover from what you’ve done! Here and there you’ve made mistakes? WTF you are delusional!

This isn’t like oh I’m sorry I don’t love you anymore I’m going to break up with you and move out! This is I have no respect for you what so ever as my lover mother of my child and life partner and I’m going to start an affair with a young girl behind your back go on trips with her leaving you and my child behind, call her in the evenings and text her to complain about my sad life instead of confiding in you my partner, and then I’m going to start another relationship emotional and sexual with another woman, all while living with you and still having sex with you and leading the affair partners to believe that I’m not still with you, then I’ll get one pregnant and start a whole new life and abandon my family for a woman I barely know! I hope that I never see you or talk to you in the future, I hope God punishes you for what you’ve done and that your influence over young boys who are becoming men comes to an end. I pray you’ll stop damaging your son and that you will go the therapy to fix your deficits and become a whole human being. Your affair family that you have propped up on the sandy shores of lust is not going to last! You are not a moral or stable man. Stay away from me stop texting me and leave me alone. Every second I spend on you is a second spent back sliding into a toxic narrative of trying to reason with a narcissist. Keep your ego driven, pathetic, hollow excuses away from my eyes and ears. I will not follow you down into hell and you will not take my son there! Stop texting me!

I am extremely angry this weekend....I guess I’ll go to church today and see what I can do to put this down

Stick to the custody agreement. If it’s written, you follow it. No more favours or switches. He needs to get used to the fact that this is what parenting looks like post divorce.