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Okay so I am getting cameras for the porch but my heart is broken for my son. I just found out that My X asked his baby momma to marry him at their baby shower. So now she is not the baby momma anymore but his fiancé. I’m really in shock. In 9 months I’ve had to deal with 2 affairs, our break up, his moving in with the OW, the pregnancy(affair baby), and now the engagement. I think it’s too much....I don’t really feel anything yet...words of encouragement are appreciated.

I'm so sorry M! What a total gut punch!

I would have been the one to stand up and say “wait aren’t you still married??”

I’m so sorry this is all happening to you and your son. She’s not a fiancé. She’s a baby momma and will always be.

This man is really all about the show. Of course he did this with an audience,he is trying to make it look real. They know he is a cheater. I’m sure many are waiting for this relationship to crash and burn.

You are strong enough to get beyond this. Vent with a therapist, accept that nothing will make this man into a better person.

Hang on there Mojojo.

Thanks everyone it’s so hard to keep getting gut punched but I know this is for the best he’s her problem now! We were never married together 13 years, this would have been our 14th Christmas together. I waited a long time for him to propose but he never did. I also tried to leave him 4 times I never could. He was abusive and arrested two times for domestic violence. I must have been caught in an abusive cycle of constantly trying to please and improve. It’s over now I just wish that I could find a way around this pain instead of going through it! The thought of that whore of his being in my sons life has kept me up at night! Some of our friends who watched their baby shower video turn marriage proposal said that their stomachs were turning and they were thinking about my son and I! They said it was so surreal and weird. My son said that his grandmother was abusive to him last Sunday she called him lots of very bad names! I’m so glad I’m out of his family and I will protect my son from their evil! My whole family is happy I’m not with him anymore. I need you S. I. Community

I’m on a waiting list for therapy and please keep encouraging me on my choices and how to move forward from infidelity

Xoxoxo my peeps!

Strength to you mojojo. You have done so well and come thru so strong over the last year, that this will be another bump in the road. You have done your utmost to protect your child from your abusive ExWH. Be the honest stable parent for your son. Be sure he understands the truth in an age appropriate way. Others have seen the OW try to step in and be the shining star. But they all fade in comparison to a real mother. Your Ex is her problem now. Not your circus and not your monkey. When they try to overstep their boundaries with your son come down hard. Always document and keep records. She just agreed to marry a proven abuser, a liar and a cheat. I say good luck to her and thank goodness you are away from him.

[This message edited by fareast at 10:57 PM, January 19th (Saturday)]

Always think how lucky your child is to get away from his abusive father.

And why would it bother you that he proposed to the OW? That is less chance he continues to abuse you. He now has someone new to focus on.

Hey Mojojo, just want to let you know you're not alone. My exWW was pregnant with the OM's child before we even started divorce proceedings and she married him almost immediately after D was finalized, after which her affair baby was born. Their engagement and subsequent marriage means that I had no choice but to deal with them as a couple and accept that my exWW's AP is now a significant presence in my daughter's life. It's been a little over three years since DDay and I still haven't really been able to make my peace with that. If I ever figure it out, I'll be sure to let you know how I managed to. For now, the best I can do is ignore my exWW and the OM to the greatest extent possible and try to lead a good life while being the best father I can be.

I don't know how you currently interact with your WH and his AP, but you might try cutting them out to the greatest extent possible. With the two of them getting married, there's nothing you'll be able to do to keep your son away from them until he gets old enough that a judge will let him decide for himself where he wants to live. Fortunately he's already twelve, so it could be as soon as within the next couple of years that he'll be able to get away from the twisted mockery of a family that your WH is creating.

I'm so sorry you're being put through this. Lean on the people in your life who have your best interest at heart, love your son, keep reminding yourself that there's nothing to regret about being free of an abusive, cheating POS, and take full advantage of therapy once you get it.

Sending you strength!

Sending you strength Mojojo! What a mess, while all of us would love to see our WS come to their senses and do what's right, especially for their children, we know that's not an option. That's what got everyone in this mess, their selfish selves. While I feel an emptiness knowing that my WW through away 17 yrs together and a strong family unit and is no longer with the original AP anymore (she has had god knows how many ONS and "boyfriends" this past year) while trying to D. I couldn't imagine what you're going through. Love your child, document everything as he is breaking the rules and follow through with it. I'm sorry, my heart aches for you and your child. With one sane parent, the child will be ok, atleast that's what I'm telling myself!

Thanks Firenze,

I really appreciate you taking the time to write to me and encourage me. Such wise words. You are the same age as the OW but you have so much more maturity, integrity and character then her. She’s 20 years younger than me btw and I’ve decided that I never want to meet her and we have a no contact order in place for my son which will eventually change after one year. I do not have any face to face contact with my X but text his phone when he has our son otherwise i communicate with him on an app called 2 houses. Seeing him is too much of a trigger and the sight of him is revolting. I was just at church and the sermon was about forgiveness. I’m no where near that so I simply told God that my heart was still crushed and full of hate for both of them but that I would try to work on letting go of the hate. The betrayal is the hardest part to over come. It has left such a bitter after taste. Last Valentine’s Day he left a dozen roses for me and a card on the table. Then he boarded a plane to Florida to meet his first affair partner in her college dorm! He was gone for 5 days and only answered his phone once. He lied that he was visiting his father. Some time shortly after he met the second affair partner (the one he got pregnant and moved in with) and started messing around with her on lunch breaks and after

work he was coming home late. All while we were still intimate

And going to church together etc. etc. I know I’m going to be okay but it still hurts. It’s been 9 months since D day but it sometimes feels like it just happened. It must be a form of PTSD? I’m happy you are doing okay. I am looking forward to my new life and I don’t want to be traumatized anymore. It’s hard when you are protecting a child and you have to communicate with X’s And their AP turned fiancé. I’ll get there

Thanks J707,

Your XWW sounds like a real peach! So her relationship crumbled and she’s been toggling between lovers? Wow such a surprise! She will feel remorse someday trust me she will. She threw away her marriage and hurt all the people who loved her the most....it’s coming..... thank you for your encouragement it means a lot to me. I cling to this site when I’m really hurting and it helps me so much. All the best to you

Thank you for your kind words Shockedmom,

What you said about him trying to be the showman makes so much sense. Sometimes I get lost in my broken-heartedness and it’s nice to feel validated through someone else’s perspective on what I’m going through. I know that I have to stop caring about his life choices....he’s not a good man

Your words and thoughts helped me get through a tough day

Thanks

Childofcheater,

What’s your story?

Childofcheater,

What’s your story?

Thanks Fareast,

You always seem to know what to say! I appreciate your responses more than you will ever know!

Thanks Fareast,

You always seem to know what to say! I appreciate your responses more than you will ever know!

Pricklepatch,

Thanks for the strength!

While I'm still hurting, some things that helped me in my healing journey were meditation(never did it before all this), nature walks alone truly letting it soak in, writing songs on my guitar(I've written some heartfelt songs), truly enjoying my kids when I have them, when I don't have them I focus on myself with some of the above mentioned. I reached out to an old friend who know works with people with trauma, she helped me realize that sometimes you just have to go through the pain of trauma, not around it which sucks big time! That damn word, Time! While I still have to see my xWW at school events I just suck it up and go on my way after. I have also realized that she will always be in my life because we have kids which sucks! The big old shit sandwich. For me I've had to accept this reality nightmare or atleast I'm trying to! All this stuff is making you stronger as an individual, will continue to make you stronger, pushing forward every minute of everyday! Keep on pushing, I know it hurts bad, this site made me see who my XWW really was, forgot to mention that on my list above and I'm so grateful to all here!! Keep pushing forward!!

On Sunday I had XWS’s abandoned vehicles towed off of my property! They had been sitting there since I kicked his lying, cheating, philandering butt to the curb. One of the cars had been our main family mode of transport for years so seeing it everyday was a constant reminder of “us in the past.” The other car was his primarily but I drove it plenty when needed. They also served as storage cubes during our vicious breakup. I would put his items into the cars and he would either take them or leave them. Over many months both cars became full of his junk even at the time of towing they were brimming over. They blocked the parking area of my business and kept the front looking trashy. The worst part was that they were serious “triggers” for my son and I. It made us both feel that he was already home, or coming back, that we were still a family.

I didn’t have the keys, the titles, or the confidence to get rid of them but had been asking XWS to take them away for months.

The fact that he never did remove them is a testimony to his mindset of entitlement. (He said that he could store his cars here as long as needed because he paid the bills here for so long). It was a control thing too, a way for him to keep his old territory marked like an opportunistic wolf 🐺 returning for whatever he could benefit from whenever he felt like it. Last Friday when I pulled into the driveway in the morning I actually had a suicidal thought when I saw the cars! I realized I had to act and that those cars had to be removed that weekend! It turns out I didn’t need the titles or to clean out the insides. I just googled cars for cash and instantly got a quote and a pickup time. I had to fill out a DMV-35 form and I sold them for scrap! That’s right they paid me for the cars! They are finally gone! I think that you know what I’m going to say next.....

My XWS is on the war path! He found out hours after the cars were gone which means that one of our “friends” is watching me! He has no legal recourse and I’m not afraid of him at all.

Goodbye and good riddance!

as constant reminders that