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Today he was lecturing me about being mature and letting him over to help hang up Christmas lights and decorate.

No is a complete sentence. You don't have to say anything more than that, unless you want to say, "No, that doesn't work for me." He can plan something special with his son on his parenting time.

He actually suggested that it was time for me to unblock his baby mommas phone number so she could break her silence about their love and the affair baby coming!

Um, no. Actually, hell no. A dignified "I have nothing to discuss with her," is all that needs to be said. She can spew all about her luuurve to her friends, should she have any.

Don't engage. Don't JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain). Just tell him no. Period. You're under no obligation to do anything but ensure your son is available for his dad's parenting time. That's IT.

Cat

He’s not your H. He’s not your friend.

He’s trying to be your friend to fix himself of any guilt for this situation. OR he’s that stupid that he doesn’t even see the mess he created.

Your only words to him are “hello” “good bye” and “I don’t know”.

Everything else is via the app.

And I hope he is stupid enough to introduce your son the OW before the time is right so you can drag him back to court.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 8:26 PM, December 12th (Wednesday)]

There is enough negative life sucking drama that we have little to no power to evade, any negative drama that you can avoid.......DO IT. Unremorseful cheaters seem to have all the ingredients needed to be clueless, life sucking, drama inflicting idiots.

Keep a great distance between you and his new toxic pod.

Thank you all for your support! The OW texted me on Facebook through my business page! It’s the only way she can get to me as I have blocked her everywhere else. Unbelievable nerve she has! I unblocked her phone number for 2 minutes to write this:

Do not text me through my business page again. That page is work related. I want nothing to do with you or that lying, cheating, philandering jackass you are playing house with! I don’t care to associate with someone like you who wrecks a family and sends pornographic images of herself to a man she knows is in a relationship with someone else. You got him by default and your relationship that began as an affair won’t last! Ii do not want my child anywhere near a person like you who without a moral base has nothing to offer him. I do not congratulate your pregnancy, any one can knock up a whore! I will do whatever it takes to protect my son from you. You will be in my situation soon enough. Your baby daddy is a great

actor. Do not contact me by any means!

So then I reblocked her number.

Great response! Do expect some blowback from your ex.

I’m curious as to what her message was to you... what does she possibly have to say?

Wow, great message back Mojo!

I bet she is trying to Play nice and make up to you because the jack-off that she is living with (your X) is asking her to so they can get more visitation time with your son.

But yeah, I'm wondering what she could have possibly said to you tin that message that she would think would change your mind.

"You will be in my situation soon enough"...

That's a good one. She WILL remember that when he leaves her for his next whore. She will be left with a child and a whole lot of karma

[This message edited by kaygem at 8:58 PM, December 14th (Friday)]

Her message to me: what’s your problem? I have been nice, understanding and patient throughout this entire process and you have got me at the end of my rope!”if you want to have a conversation about me or our child speak with me I’m done with you talking crap day in and day out to ( him WXS)! You can blame me use me as your scapegoat all you want to but in the end you have to take a deep look at yourself. And what kind of person checks someone’s baby registry? If you want to have an adult conversation that is fine with me! But your harassment needs to end. You text me everyday with things that have nothing to do with (she names my child and uses his nickname although they’ve never met). You need to stop unblock my number so we can have an adult conversation!”

First of all I haven’t texted her since April when I first discovered the affair and I’ve had no contact. Someone else went on their baby registry and informed me they were registered at Walmart! I made a comment to my WXS In front of my lawyer that if he was struggling to provide for his first child maybe he could add items to his baby registry so that’s how he knows that I know. I do not text my WXS anymore I use the App since court. This message sounds like they wrote it together and she’s protecting her man but they both act like their affair I was my fault!

No they are acting like you are evil for not being on board and happy about the new baby, the Affair, the upheaval to your life and the fact your child no longer lives with his dad.

But don’t worry. There will come a day when the OW will be the recipient of the sane things you experienced. Cheating and lying and money issues. Because once the baby arrives and your H has responsibilities- he may not want to continue to be the doting dad.

And she may start calling you to find out what to do.

That happened to my friend. Her H (serial cheater) married one of his APs and they had a baby. Soon enough he was cheating in her because he was bored and tired of playing “dad”.

Just sit back and wait and watch.

Do not have any “conversations” with the OW. It is nothing but a black home for you. No matter what you say it will be used against you. And just ignore her from this point. If you say nothing to her then the most she can say is “why wont she speak to me?” And one day when she is cheated on and her “man” has an OW she will know why.

I think it's time to do strict NC and crickets with them. No talking, no texting, no emails about anything. Let them say what they want, just let it go. You see, when one of them pokes you with a stick and you respond, they bond together talking about how lucky he is to have gotten away from evil you and found angel her.

Just don't repsond. Nada. Zilch. Nothing.

Message via Facebook? Click delete. Block them from seeing anything about you on Facebook. Maybe even make your friends list private. And maybe "unfriend" all your mutual friends, at least for the time being. The ones involved in your business can still see that site. And you might even be able to block them from your business site. And, of course, there's always the option of closing your Facebook accounts for a year or so, until they finally tire of their nonsense.

You've done so well and I wish I had half your strength! Just keep it going. And with the birth of the baby coming soon, now is the perfect time to go strict NC with him, so they can't try to suck you into fights, arguments, etc.

If he has anything to say, let him do it through the court email/text system.

And if your DS reports his Dad saying things about you or trying to send messages to you, call your attorney because that is absolutely not allowed.

Give your DS a big hug from me and tell him what a brave kid he's been and how proud your friends at S.I. would be to know him in real life. And reassure him that this chaos will stop soon and your lives will become calm and normal, the new normal. What special tradition are you starting with him this Christmas? One for just the 2 of you. I highly encourage it. For one thing, a special photo of the 2 of you in some sort of pose or outfit that you can repeat every year going forward. And an activity that's just for the 2 of you. I know you don't have extra money flowing these days but if you can find a way to take him on an adventure for a couple of days to celebrate your new life, do it. An indoor water park? Take a train to a nearby town and tour an auto museum? If you live near a city, start a tradition of going to one of the big things there, like a science museum this year, the zoo next year, etc. Get a hotel and stay overnight. It'll be good for both of you.

Yeah Mojojo,

You’ve done so incredibly well for yourself and your son, it’s time for crickets. You have got some great advice to remove them from everything. Use only the court system. Any response now would just feed the beast. Like josiep, I hope you and your son can start your own Christmas traditions. Good luck.

You have handled her craziness with strength. Keep protecting yourself and your son from these two idiots. She will undoubtedly try another avenue to contact you, ignore her but keep the proof should you need it in the future.

Enjoy your new holiday traditions with your son.

You see, when one of them pokes you with a stick and you respond, they bond together talking about how lucky he is to have gotten away from evil you and found angel her.

Block them from seeing anything about you on Facebook. Maybe even make your friends list private. And maybe "unfriend" all your mutual friends, at least for the time being

I agree with the above. For the time being ultra NC, and ultra grey rock. Make yourself invisible to them.

One thing that saved my sanity and maybe could be beneficial to you is this-

I got a RO against WS. And once we went to court I asked for a stipulation in the Separation agreement that he could only contact me through his attorney. Unless it was a legal or medical emergency with one of the teen kids and then he could text me once. This was for 12 months. He also had to stay away from me a certain distance.

And this was in exchange for the RO not becoming a criminal one which would have been way more severe for him.

What this did was force him to pay his attorney if he wanted to poke me with his stick. He did pay the attorney one more time, the day after the above stipulation due to some crazy shit his GF pulled....and then that was it.

The 12 month break broke his habit of messing with me. And it gave me 12 months of absolute peace. I mention this as something for you to have in your toolbox just in case.

Merry Christmas everyone! I’m taking all of your good advice! I block my WXS number at all times except for when he is picking up or dropping off our child. I blocked them both from Facebook along time ago and although my business page is still public if she contacts me again I’ll file a complaint.

Some new traditions we started this year include making time to go out as a family and cut down our own tree from a local tree farm (WXS used to go get a tree alone and always got a nice one at the cheapest price possible but we were not doing it as a family) I saved up money in a jar for this and it wasn’t that much more and we laughed and ran around the tree farm they provide free hot cocoa, popcorn, and hayrides too. We took our photo there and turned it into a Christmas card. I also had that card image printed as a keepsake that we can display each year now that he’s too old for Santa. ( this replaces our old photo displays with WXS n the pictures). Sad but necessary. My son loves pickles so this year I got him a glass pickle ornament. We will continue this new ornament giving as a tradition. Also we will go out to our local wood fire oven pizza parlor for lunch before getting the tree. A pie only costs 10 bucks and it’s taste is amazing! It’s my son’s favorite.

I have 4 other grown children from my previous marriage. My youngest daughter just got engaged and her and her fiancé are here for two weeks so we are having so much fun with them and today we are going into the city on the train!

So looking forward to this drama free holiday! The best part is I never have to see his mother again! She’s a champion drama queen and had always caused so many problems on holidays.

I do not have to shop for her or hear her voice or endure her company...or his....we can simply enjoy

I’m so grateful for all of my S.I. family your wisdom and shared knowledge has helped me recover from the real life shit show that we all know as infidelity!

Looking forward to my best life and a new year! Blessings to all!

Blessings to you and glad to see you are enjoying your family and friends this holiday season!

Rock on!

Help! I’m so angry My son just returned from his visit with his Dad and he came back with a handwritten card and gift and money from the OW! We have a no contact order and her handwriting him a card saying how much she looks forward to meeting him soon is a violation am a right?

So angry I can’t spell

Sounds like she and your ex broke the NC per your order.

You can blast your ex about it however that is what they may be expecting...a mean spirited strategy on Christmas.

Yes, they are trying to ruin Christmas so they poked you. Let it go, even though it will be hard.

Now, go visit your attorney, or you could go online for your courts in your area, and read about what you have to do to file contempt charges. I filed for the RO I told you about pro se. If I can do it, you can too.

They really just gave you an opportunity get themselves slapped hard by the courts.

I learned I needed to be strong enough to go all legal on WS every time. Eventually, since he was arrogant and dumb as a sack of rocks he learned to leave me alone.

This^^^^^^^^^^^^^^