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Falc, let me tell you something. I'm a big fan of Bigger, Stevesn, and Ripped62. Do you know why?

Because their advice is consistent. They truly have your best interest at heart.

I want to tell you something as well.

I'm a big fan of Falc too.

Do you know why?

Because when you survive this and you will, you're going to be a big help to so many people.

You are worth so much more than any amount of money or rings or whatever.

When you finally stop beating your head against a brick wall, you'll realize how good it feels not to have that headache.

I think you should stop texting her. The ball is in her court; she knows you are there. She is just going to run around wasting time until you have to leave. See your FIL, express your wishes about the ring, and tend to your business. No matter what she is going to vilify you; she has to so that she can justify her actions even if only in her own mind.

YOU CAN'T CONTROL HER OR MAKE HER FACE UP TO HER ACTIONS. Sorry to shout but you need to hear this.

Its just so ridiculous. Who the fuck is this person I married??!?!!! It's such a joke that I even have to send her another text saying I want to meet.

So then don't do it. Take care of your business, and then go home. Don't reach out to her anymore.

And then watch what happens.

Don't reach out to her anymore.

What do you mean Golden?

Stop pursuing her.

You are speaking to us as if you are just being available to her, but you aren't. You are the one driving this bus.

STOP DRIVING. If she wants to come to you, she will figure it out. If she can't even pull her shit together to find a time to sit down with you, you don't want a relationship with her.

Stop trying to control the outcome!

Stop reaching out to her. She does not respect you when you chase her. F8nish your business and go h9me. The pick me dance never works.

Well, she texted me that she wants to meet now.

Is now convenient for you? Do you want to go?

Looks like we are meeting at 5. It has to be done.

What are your goals for this discussion?

To see where the marriage is going to go, either R or D. Maybe to get my Mom's ring, but I can probably get the lawyer to do that.

Good luck Falc.

Don't forget what she did to bring you to this point.

Words mean nothing. Watch her actions

"I'm sorry that you feel that way" is a good answer when she starts to blame you for the failure of the M

Be strong Falc.

I can imagine the knot in your stomach, but I promise you that NO MATTER HOW this goes it will be a relief.

Yeah my stomach feels like it's twisted through barbed wire. I already feel like I know the answer anyway.

To see where the marriage is going to go, either R or D.

What does this depend on? Is she making this decision, or are you?

The important thing is to not settle for a MAYBE or ILL TRY.

If you don’t have a Remorseful WW that aches over how badly her actions hurt you then you really don’t have anything.

You can’t R with someone who is “in love” with someone else.

And you can’t trust someome who finds romance online virtually without ever actually meeting and spending time with that person.

Truth is, if she’s gonna continue to utilize the methods and medium she used to cheat before, she’ll probably do it again with the same OM or a new one.

So unless you hear that she realizes she has a problem, is going to get into therapy about it and perhaps attend SA meetings, and come back to Cali to work on the M then dont agree to working on R.

As we recommended before let her know you’ll be starting the dissolution of your M and unless she shows up on your door during the process you will assume that’s the path you will both be on.

Stay strong.

I saw where you were meeting. Good Luck!

We will be here for you.

[This message edited by Ripped62 at 3:15 PM, October 24th (Wednesday)]

I am hoping that it goes well and you can move forward from this point. Limbo is such a soul-sucking place to be.

I already feel like I know the answer anyway.

Remember, cheaters are liars and just when you think you have her figured out she will veer off into unknown territory. Be calm, listen, and don't grasp at straws. She will drop some kibbles and expect you to be grateful. We all know you are worth more than that. You deserve a true relationship and M with someone who loves and respects you; not someone who has to be dragged home reluctantly.

"I'm sorry you feel that way." is a helpful response. And "No." is a complete sentence.

You can do this!

Do not let her illicit an emotional reaction from you

Your life is just fine without her.

She is feeding her ego.

Don't play the pick me dance please.

She needs to come clean and be a groveling and full of remorse before you even discuss reconciliation.

I hope you're meeting her in a very public place. Otherwise, I fear you're being set up for a false domestic violence charge. I'd also bet her boyfriend will be nearby.

And,for the love of the Lord,dont ask her if she wants to reconciliation. Her actions,and words,have told you she doesn't.

[This message edited by HellFire at 4:05 PM, October 24th (Wednesday)]