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My lawyer will let her know that the judgment and declaration of disclosures need to be finished before the car is dealt with and it's unlikely that it will be finished by the time she planned to come here to pick up the car.

BAhahaah!

Perfect.....She gonna love that answer

I want to reiterate that I still intensely love my STBXW. But it's abundantly clear that she doesn't give two shits about me or the marriage. All she wants is the car at this point. Which is fine, it works to my advantage. The judgment will be the car in exchange for everything else and no support payments. Since we are upside down on the house, this should be a shoe in. This is not about me screwing her over or giving her another dose of reality. This is about me and what's best for me. Her timeline of what she wants and when she wants it does not matter anymore.

This is absolutely heart breaking for me and I fucking hate every moment of this. But my marriage is dead and I can't keep dragging its rotting corpse around my ankles. I need to burn it to the ground, mourn it and move the fuck on.

[This message edited by Falc at 9:42 AM, November 13th (Tuesday)]

"...burn it to the ground, mourn it and move the fuck on."

Exactly. I'm hoping you get through this relatively financially unscathed. Take care of yourself.

Falc:

I’ve followed your posts. You’re a good guy. You have tried your best for your M. But, obviously it takes two. Take a look at my tag line: “Never bother with things in your rearview mirror.” It will get better with time. But you will never understand it. You took your M vows seriously, your WW did not. Some people believe their M vows are only suggestions.

You have a great future ahead of you. Good luck.

I want to reiterate that I still intensely love my STBXW

You love what your mind told you she was.

She isn't that person.

Not even close

But my marriage is dead and I can't keep dragging its rotting corpse around my ankles. I need to burn it to the ground, mourn it and move the fuck on.

Bravo Falc !!! that's the right attitude.

[This message edited by Buster123 at 3:22 PM, November 13th (Tuesday)]

Too much focus on revenge, her actions and her pain.

If she wants the car to drive to Florida so what? Why are we even focusing on the why she wants the car? Why does it matter if she sees OM, starts a new fling or joins a cult? The ONLY things that matter is (a) she does not want to be married to Falc (b) he needs to detach and (c) lets try to get him in the best financial shape out of the divorce.

To me the only issue regarding the car is if you can use it as an overvalued chip on the bargaining table. It sounds like you are already working on that angle.

Falc – I remember those days of feeling miserable. One thing that I did was to take time out and think about how I was feeling. So if I realized I was moping on the couch feeling all miserable and sorry for myself and wondering how she could have done what she did… I would force myself to do something else. Usually a physical activity. A chore like clean a room or total my car or something strenuous like take a jog, lift weights or a long walk. Generally my mind would move on off my misery.

Bigger usually gives good advice, but I'd avoid the following...

or total my car 

Yeah Bigger, I try to do that. The big hurdle for me is working from home. It's lonely in this house and causes me to either scroll through this site constantly or just ruminate in between times when I'm actually doing work. I find it very hard to concentrate. Any tips at all from anyone? I feel like the last big hump is getting back to a spot where I can be productive working from home. That and yeah, getting through this fucking divorce which I'm sure is going to be a nightmare. If anything, I don't know my STBXW at all and I'm sure that her 'I just wanted this to be easy' line will probably turn into a 'I'm going to take you for every last penny' line once she understands what divorce truly means.

Going into the office is not an option as I work for a company based in Wisconsin.

No easy answers there

I struggled mightily staying focused at work

Is it possible you can work in a coffee shop a few days a week? There are also “office share” places in some towns where you can pay a nominal rate for a desk a few days a week.

I work in IT so I need monitor space, I could go to a Starbucks and work on my laptop only I suppose. Most of the office rentals around me are way out of my price range. Since I am left paying for everything now, I am spread extremely thin. I am actually losing money tbh. I might have to get a roommate or a second job.

If you have prolong down time between work task, I found it beneficial to get outside, walk in fresh air, a jog to get the adrenaline flowing, a drive just to see others to keep my mind occupied with something else.

Get a dog. They love you no matter what.

Why don’t you do an office share. Or rent out space in your place.

I have a dog, he's wonderful. He's been devastated too, when she left he actually cried tears. It was heartbreaking.

It's been a rough day, I cried today. Just such a rollercoaster. But then I went to the gym and the dopamine flowed and I am in a Zen like state. Good thing because she sent me a string of angry texts after she spoke to my lawyer today about the car.

"You fucked me over by not answering (my calls and texts). I asked you to at least give me the courtesy of letting me know if I can get my car. Your lawyer told me to refund my ticket because essentially you won't let me take it. Thank you for filing the paperwork before letting me have my car. You really messed things up purposefully. She told me I would have been able to have my car before you did the paperwork. I hope you are happy".

I think I will follow Bigger's advice here and just send her one last message saying "I'm sorry you feel this way. You clearly indicated that you do not want to work on the marriage, therefore the next logical step was to start the process of divorce. Since I am too emotionally attached to this marriage I have asked my attorney to handle all aspects of it but have instructed him to be fair and to offer a settlement that is in accordance to law. This is not what I wanted but have no other option. If you think this marriage can be saved, then you need to let me know but be aware that I am doing my best to detach from the emotions I had towards you and our marriage. To help me heal I request that you direct all issues regarding the divorce to my attorney and keep any contact to me to a minimum, preferably none. This is important for my personal recovery from the pain this situation is causing".

Way to wordy.

Sorry you feel that way.

In the future go through my attorney.

Or just give her crickets. You don't owe her a thing at this point.

[This message edited by Marz at 7:18 PM, November 14th (Wednesday)]

I agree, but I really resonate with Bigger and his advice. I think one last message is fine, then crickets again. I will probably have to block her number. I just need to get one last message in so I can feel like even at the end, I did something that wasn't negative. She texted me again saying she'll just get her own car. I don't want this car lol.

[This message edited by Falc at 7:21 PM, November 14th (Wednesday)]

I sent her a message and she replied. I'm not going to respond but man, it's like she just doesn't get it. I ask her to contact my attorney for any issues regarding the marriage and she sends me this:

"I know that you're not sorry, but I still would give you the respect to let you know not to buy airline tickets. I do not want any items any more. I cant let her know that, she won't discuss it with me. Please still schedule a time that we can conference call with you and her to talk because I don't know the process or what you're planning and doing. It's not only painful for you, it is for me too".

Just crazy. I'm sure it's painful for her when she has OM re-assuring her. It's weird because I had a shred of hope that maybe she'd see some sort of light, but she is never ever going to come back. Ever. Fucking insane that I am here. If you asked me a year ago or even three months ago, I would never in a million years think that I'd be fucking divorcing. Just so awful.

Flac,

That message says:

I am the better person. I am the victim. Take care of me. Me! Me!

The message, shows she has rewritten your marriage and is un remorseful in regards to her affair.

Don’t respond, have your attorney respond. Are you allowed to block her.