Well FF, you stepped in it again. I swear you could write a post saying "Good Morning" and there would be the usual chorus of posters telling you that your morning can't be good because you are living a lie and down the rabbit hole it goes. This method , to me, has become the Wayward Side's equivalent of the Burn the Wayward Wife bunch that hung out in JFO. It's gone beyond encouragement and education and has moved to badgering and that is wrong.
Hellfire - "Zug, he's not going to confess. He's content in his continued deception."
Since you have accepted this, then stop. It's harassment at that point.
What is the worst thing waywards do, once the affair is known, besides having the affair in the first place? I would say it's the gaslighting, blameshifting, lack of remorse, Broken NC, and yes, lying about the details of the affair, including whether it happened or not. I see posts constantly with BS confused, in pain, over the lack of transparency so the BS can understand what happened to their life. Well, I have also seen several BS state they wish they never knew about the affair. This is quickly corrected with "it would only happen again." Very true. But, it wouldn't be accurate in this case. I believe he has done more work than most on his issues and continues to.
FF is a different animal here. He stopped the affair on his own. He went and got counseling, he did the work to become a safe partner. I, for one, commend him on that. It's the equivalent of dropping an addiction cold turkey. He has done what many BS on this site can only dream of their wayward's doing. He's become a more attentive husband and parent. Those are very positives and very much "not" wayward. Living his daily life with a focus on his family and continuing his work on himself is what every person, not just waywards, should do.
Now, the "continued deception". Yes, many, probably most, feel he should confess. Maybe someday he will. He continues to post for help, though I don't know why with the constant badgering. Why not just support him, give him the guidance he is looking for? The current method isn't working, it's even been acknowledged. I can state with confidence that if and when he does inform his wife, he won't be heaping on the pain like every other wayward. That alone puts him in a very small percentage of waywards. It's a sure sign of a naive BS when they post those statements. But, to his credit, it would be accurate. And what if he is correct about the fragility of his son? Are any of you going to feel any responsibility?
In my 10 years on this site, I've never seen such a constant badgering of a member because he isn't doing what some believe he should. I for one am going to support him and help him continue his journey, though usually through PM.
FF, on your original post, I would suggest a different approach. Remember, these people haven't been in your shoes, they have been exposed and they probably haven't done the work you have. Hell, maybe a few of them are waywards. We don't have any distinguishing features. I would suggest that you had a learning moment and a chance to give them a glimpse into the pain from infidelity. It would have been taken better without becoming upset, but understanding that they simply are naive. Next time, mention the BS, the breakup of families, impact to the kids and the many other problems with affairs. You might just give someone something to think about before they step over the line.