There are several angles I would want to address regarding your situation. This is a hodge-podge of thoughts:
All discussions on abortion are a moot point. If she’s around 6 months pregnant the odds are high an abortion wouldn’t be legal totally irrespective of moral or religious grounds.
I see what is best called a buffet-style adherence to religious beliefs. She’s against abortion and there are doubts about divorce. Yet the same guide-book frowns equally hard (and maybe even clearer) on contraceptives, sex without conception and infidelity. Be careful that neither you nor she hide behind religion as an excuse for bad decisions.
Regarding the suggestion the child be put up for adoption. Would that cause resentment from your wife? IF you remain married the goal must be reconciliation. Part of that would be to ensure that IF you have the child adopted you are both content with that decision.
I think you need to think long and hard on if you can raise this child as yours. Be VERY VERY clear on this: IF you decide to remain married and IF you decide the child remains in your family you need to be able to do right by the child. There is no way you can give your older child a bike for Christmas and “your” younger one a lump of coal.
There are plenty of men that are man enough to accept, love and raise a child they know isn’t theirs. Just like there are plenty of men that are man enough to acknowledge they can’t do that and walk away. Basically, IMHO the only wrong here would be to remain married and ostracize the child.
One thing that won’t be possible is total NC with the OM. Even if he signs away all rights regarding the child and even if he’s fired from the present job and even if your wife never again sees him then YOU as an inspector will be running across him or his work for years to come. Your WW has known the OM for some time. If he joined the family company after HS, then they have been around each other for some time. I’m not so certain that it will be easy to cut him off completely.
Plus, there will be rumors. Everyone will know or have heard of the stories the Director jr. is really OM son. That’s OK – rumors are only rumors and they will die out with time but be very clear on this: You won’t be able to keep the child’s paternity a secret.
There will be rumors. OM is too involved in the family business for him to disappear.
The moment you got married your marriage statistically had something like 7/10 chances of making it past 10 years and 6/10 of making it past 15 years. Infidelity this early in the marriage probably cuts those odds to 1/3 chances of your marriage lasting the next 5 years. Keep that in mind regarding the new child. Imagine you do your best to save this marriage, your very best. Yet it doesn’t work. Maybe because she cheats again, maybe the resentment reg. the affair… whatever. Envision yourself 3 years from now… 2022… you have just gotten the final divorce settlement… and you are paying child support for 2 kids… Consider that combined with her involvement with OM and the time it’s been going on.
I know I posted a lot of negative factors above, but frankly you are in a very negative situation. I think a marriage can survive anything. Even what you are dealing with. But that doesn’t mean every marriage has to survive everything or anything. It’s totally your call what you are willing to do. But what I truly believe is that no matter what – reconcile or divorce – it’s to your advantage and totally necessary to have a good grasp of what you are dealing with. Nothing I wrote above says you need to divorce, just like nothing says you need to reconcile. But it’s all factors you need to keep in mind and contemplate.
If you take anything away from my post I hope, it’s this:
No matter what you decide you need GOOD legal advice. There are so many factors you need to be clear on:
-Since you are married you are probably automatically the legal father.
-Can OM contest paternity?
-Can YOU contest paternity?
-What happens if you don’t contest paternity within a certain time-frame? (In many places if you don’t contest paternity within a reasonable time you have the parent’s obligations irrespective of true paternity later. Theoretically you could be paying CS without a legal right to be around the child…)
-Can OM be sued for CS?
-Can OM be completely cut off from the child?
-Are you going to be open about child’s true paternity? Would or could that have legal implications?
There isn’t anything easy about your situation. But there isn’t any rush. No need to do anything fast. Give yourself time to get the legal info and to calm down. Base your decision on the reality of what you are facing and what your true options might be.