SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Yes, a Poly is essential.

I'm actually feeling angry for OBS, that his feelings and vulnerability here were exposed to the other man. He has not been protected at all, yet he is the reason you know the facts of your situation. There are amends to be made, and I don't know that a safe space can ever be restored to him. You shot the messenger.

You have added to the pain of the man who showed you a place where he was getting help to survive infidelity your husband and his wife inflicted on him.

This is very worrisome and I hope there is a misunderstanding. If not, then you have probably lost your only true ally. The poor man now seems totally isolated from both you and SI with a cold and calculating unremorseful WW. Very sad.

The OBS specifically posted in his thread that you both agreed to keep this forum to yourselves and not to tell your WS. What made you change your mind on that agreement without giving him a heads up?

I do wish him well. We are no longer communicating and haven’t for some time. I’m sure anyone in these circumstances would be isolated. Though I don’t regret my H seeing my thread here. It’s been helpful for us

We are no longer communicating and haven’t for some time.

Perhaps you should communicate with the OBS. The evidence suggests your WH and the AP HAVE been communicating. You told your WH something that could only be known reading here. Shortly thereafter, the AP confronted the OBS with this. The logical vector was communication between your WH and the AP.

Though in that case it wasn’t. Obs assumed. I told H that fact and coached it as though obs has told me rather than me reading it here. But, these are all things I cannot change. It’s over

BS only

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:55 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)]

Then how did WH's AP find out if not from your WH?

[This message edited by steadychevy at 7:08 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday)]

Actually, I haven't found anything in this thread that would indicate that WH is still communicating with AP.

Also, despite being paranoid as fuck in these matters (ask me why), I haven't seen any obvious red flags in LBM's descriptions of her WH's actions post DDay. For me it looks like WH is doing many right things (except for maybe reading OBS's thread if that happened), at least so far, and I hope it continues.

Lady, I’m wondering what others have posted as well. How did the information that you told your WH that you pretended OBS had told you himself get back to the OBS at all? Doesn’t that mean that your WH told the AP and she told/confronted OBS with the info? Are you ok with that? If that’s something that you know and you’re forgiving that’s totally your choice and understandable. I’m just wondering if that really is the fact. Did OBS find out what you said because your WH contacted his AP and told her?

Yes, info went from me to H to OW to OBS while there was still a burner. And, yes I am super paranoid.

BS ONLY

[This message edited by SI Staff at 7:07 PM, October 14th (Monday)]

Ugh Ladybug. I’m sorry 😔 Did you get him to turn over the burner phone?

BS only

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:55 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)]

Why would he choose to read OBS's thread? There are tons of other threads here that would have been helpful.

It's safe to say that OW now knows about si. Your husband told her.

We never recommend a BS show SI to their freshly caught,unremorseful WS. Because of the exact thing that happened. They tell OW. He gave his girlfriend a look into your pain. That kind of betrayal, on top of a long term affair, is staggering. We also dont recommend it,because now your WH knows the things he should say and do,to lull you into thinking he's remorseful. And it's working.

A remorseful WS doesnt buy a burner phone to say goodbye...several times. And,clearly, the phone was for more than saying goodbye, if he shared information with her.

A remorseful WS doesnt continue contact with OW after seeing the devastation his actions with OW have caused his wife and child.

A remorseful WS would read the wayward forum,or sign up and post, to find out how to mend the damage he has caused.

A WS crying and fixing dinner isnt the work a WS needs to do.

I'm afraid you have set yourself up to be further destroyed by this man.

I cant remember, was he tested for STDs? Was he tested after the continued contact?

[This message edited by HellFire at 9:35 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday)]

The poly will help the paranoia

Darkhole, you needed to follow both threads to see the connection. LBM shared some information with her WH. A day or so later, the OBS, in his thread, stated that his WW must have found his thread because she talked with him about something in his thread.

After some dot-connecting, it became apparent that LBM's WH told this information to the AP. This occurred long after DDay, and after the WH and the AP were supposed to have been NC. Then, LBM found the card for his burner phone. I believe he has since acknowledged that he was secretly in contact with the AP via the burner phone. He gave LBM some bull-crap line about need to "say goodbye" but clearly he was doing more than just saying goodbye.

It was a week after D Day. And looks like no more. But who can be certain

To me, it is uncanny how precisely the stories of the two cheaters lined up as they told them to their respective betrayed spouses. It screams out to me that they were colluding well after DDay for various reasons, including creating a set of mutual lies that line up between them, sharing information, and otherwise protecting one another over their respective marriages.

If you really want to know if that burner phone is at the bottom of the pond, find a local Scuba shop, go in and talk to them. Offer a reward if they can retrieve it. Or at least bluff it, tell WH that you hired a scuba team to search the pond and watch his reaction.

Hellfire Posted:

Why would he choose to read OBS's thread?

Because he is a dick.

There are tons of other threads here that would have been helpful.

LBM's husband is not reading SI to find help, he is reading it for intel.