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I tip my hat to you on running over the bike. That is something I would have done. Is it right? no, but it sure felt good.

As for being angry about you telling, tell him to scratch his A$$ and get glad because HE made the bed, He should have to deal with the dirty sheets. If he couldn't handle the repercussions of folks finding out, maybe he should have kept it in his pants.

Above all else, talk to whomever, whenever and about whatever you desire. YOU have every right to do so, because *YOU* didn't break your vows. He did.

Keep the appointment with the lawyer - keep your options open and have a post nup drawn up. Along with divorce papers & child/spousal support. Give them all to him and tell him to choose...and know that if he chooses the post nup that he will have to do the heavy lifting - 100% transparency, NC letter - DROPPING the fitness group he is a part of IF she remains (and anything else you want to put on him). Tell him this is what makes the difference between losers and Winners - winners get to keep the beautiful wife, family and kids. Losers give up.

Keep strong!

It sounds like your husband literally had it all (looks, good health, money, success, beautiful wife and son) but that wasn't enough for his ego. He chose to turn a sports bonding into a sexual conquest just to satisfy his ego.

I suggest a polygraph to determine if this was the first ego trip.

A post nup with a bias in your favor.

All cash and money and expenditures flow or controlled by you.

No more biking for 3 years.

There’s something about a Triathlete’s rush. My ExW went on a MD conference and met a Triathlete. Yeah, my marriage was pretty much over then.

These individuals can’t stop. I hope your man is an exception

My BFF came and took me out of town for a few days. Let me scream and cry. I left WS home with our teenage son who, on the advice of my counselor, we sat down and told. He’d been hearing us fight over what I thought was an emotional affair with this OM for the last six months. That she tried to befriend me still makes me want to vomit. I told WS family. I let H sit at home with this for a few days...checking in for work and childcare stuff and forced myself to self care...(which was an exercise in the absurd). Then I wrote him a long list of things I needed.(evidence the A had ended, how it began, acknowledging the lies, no training with AP, what to do if we run into AP, reminding him that I loved the life I thought we had together and how F$6ked he’d let he’s priorities go amongst other things). He vetted and found a MC who gave him homework. Moved into the spare room, etc. when I arrived him, he took me through my list and had done everything he could, barring the IC/MC. Showed me his NC letter (not mailed yet as he says he wants me to reviewi) and also a letter of apology to the OBS. Minutes after we received the NC letter from OW. I feel like they must be coordinating efforts...though he’s shown all the electronics. He said his job is the do whatever I need him to do to earn his trust back. I want to be hopeful, but it’s been days of raw hurt. The night before last I saw the most adorable old couple helping each other through a lobby and lost it. Told H about it. He told me, just to hold that image....that it’s going to be hard but that he wants to be that couple and that while it would be hard for me to believe....the physical part of the A was “nothing”.

You're still in shock but you acted decisively, make sure your WH sends that NC letter, also you should contact an attorney and demand your WH to sign a postnup in your favor (you get the lion's share of marital assets), in case you later decide this is/was a deal breaker for you or if he cheats again in the future.

I agree with the post nup. Two weeks ago your husband was emailing the OW a drawing of an “Affair Tree” with plans on leaving you. This isn’t remorse this is covering his ass so he doesn’t lose his lifestyle. Hard to believe he didn’t have feelings for OW. This emails don’t lie.... good luck, you sound like a strong person.

Very well done. Gently, did you adk him if this was his first rodeo?

Sorry you're here but he is in self preservation mode at this time. You don't know how this will turn long term.

You can't trust him. Only time and his actions will tell.

Good luck

I did in the confrontation, and he emphatically denied. But I know all bets are off here.

I was heartened that he did a few things that weren’t on my list. Like, deleting all photos of us together. Showing me the apps usage on his phone to confirm that WhatsApp haven’t been used- though I know who easy it is to get a burner. Just reliving all the, what feels like, millions of lies.

Knowing that we recently bought our teen son condoms after having “the talk” and that he likely or said he some for himself.

BS ONLY

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:58 PM, October 14th (Monday)]

Judge him by his actions not his words He can't change from selfish, deceitful, entitled, and lacking empathy for others in one week. Nor can you two rebuild the marriage that he destroyed by just reading books.

Your husband sounds real full of himself. He needs to redirect his self centered focus of feeding his ego back to your marriage.

I'm waiting for him to voluntarily give up everything he and the OW shared and stole from your marriage. For example, his triathlon activity, air plane?, and title to the b&b he took her to should be transferred to you.

He didn't stop the affair voluntarily - he got caught!

[This message edited by Robert22205https at 7:36 AM, March 3rd (Sunday)]

I would suggest that you tell him you will probably ask for a polygraph sometime in the future to verify NC. Then, 6 months down the road, you do it and verify the timeline, the NC and anything other past infidelities.

Not knowing when it will happen might keep him in check in the near future.

I’m happy that you sought support from your family. Strangely enough, it’s a lot harder to ask for support than to give it.

You seem to be a well grounded no nonsense person and I think your WH is an.. err.. has trouble making good decisions.

Keep doing what you are doing, I don’t think you need a lot of advice from us

On Dday, my WH visibly flinched when I told him the AP was horse-faced (she really is ). That's when I knew it wasn't just physical. Like you, I stayed with friends to get some rest and a break the next night. I think that move on my part, plus showing strength in general instead of desperation (OK, helped by anger) gave him the jolt of his life. At first, he was delusional, thinking it was no big deal and that I was overreacting. By the time I came home, he'd written an email begging me to stay with him, he'd been up half the night with heart palpitations, thinking he was having a heart attack, and he would sometimes vomit when I got really upset.

I say this because it's an example of how it CAN happen very quickly. The one thing that really made R possible for me, though, is that he soon told me about a couple of ONS early in our marriage along with several other flirtations that I would never have known about otherwise. He showed he was willing to lose it all to be, finally, honest with me.

Some caveats and key difference for you, though. My WH never future-faked with the AP, and he doesn't have an arrogant bone in his body. She was also someone who befriended me to get closer to my WH, but she never re-emerged after a few conversations with me where I told her exactly what I thought of her (and after her BS knew -- he's a PI ). Thus, I do think it's possible that your WH has been snapped abruptly into remorse. Be careful and continue to be strong. It has served you well so far.

Get a post nup. Now. Financially protect yourself.

Put assets or $ in your own name - some name - it joint account and have those assets excluded as part of your marital assets if you D.

Like IRAs or valuable jewelry or bank accounts or any real estate, vacation homes or boats or autos.

Your doing well. The vice of infidelity is weakening.

I gather from your posts, that you are a person of high integrity and values, and have strong personal self worth. This I glean from your inner self warning you for the last 6 months about what was happening, and you trying to act decisively through it.

These have helped you obtain what you have treasured in your life, and has been what has helped you in the way you have handled this situation.

Be grateful for the person that you are, and for whatever/whom ever helped you to become like this.

6 months is a long time to have this self doubt hang over you, so IC maybe helpful to reset your compass. And take the time to pamper yourself. As most women would agree, retail therapy is the best.. Go and shop to your hearts content. Make overs, nails, hair, new wardrobe, jewels. And if he has any issues with it, just remind him 'I'm worth it'. It will make you feel your back to your best...

...the physical part of the A was “nothing”.

I always felt like this phrase was hurtful no matter how you looked at it. On the one hand, if it's false, then he's lying and he really felt something for her. On the other hand, if it's true, then he was willing to risk losing everything (you, the family, his relationship with your son) over something that meant NOTHING!

It's something that I personally struggle with even today (4 years later). How my WH's judgment could have been so poor that he could risk losing me (the best thing that's ever happened to me..his words) so easily over something that meant nothing.

Ladybugmaam, you are doing great. Your job right now is to heal and take care of yourself and your son, and to watch your WH. It's easy to act to remorseful for a few days, weeks, months even. But if he's not fully in, it'll show in time. Be on the lookout for them breaking NC. It happens often.

You are a smart woman who has a great bullshit meter. Trust yourself, trust your instincts.

timeline from his absolutely required. all the details. FULL confession!

then compare timelines with Bahama. find out any differences

the physical part of the A was “nothing"

ok so perhaps you can have some meaningless sex with Bahama if the physical stuff means nothing. wonder what your lovely WS would think about that....

After 37 years together, my husband died in October, I found out he'd been cheating all our married life, I'm gutted, i thought we were happy, can you get over this, please help