SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I've pretty much checked out everybody.

I dont know what phase I've hit but I just feel numb.

Screenshots will go to OBS and she can release hell on everyone.

I've pretty much checked out everybody.

I dont know what phase I've hit but I just feel numb.

You have probably hit the Acceptance phase. It is good that you are at his phase, as it will allow you to let go of the toxicity that your WGF leached into your life.

Screenshots will go to OBS and she can release hell on everyone.

What the OBS does is not up to you. She has suffered as you have, and it is good that you have gifted her the Truth.

Let the cards fall where they may, your WGF created this mess for herself, and she has to deal with the consequences. There is nothing you did wrong.

The only wrong thing you can do, is if you decide to stay in a situation of infidelity.

Please do not fall back into a state of denial and lose your eslf-respect.

All the best, and we all know you will go on to lead a better and happier life without your remorseless WGF.

Thanks rocket.

Pretty sure I want fall back.

WGF isn't even gonna let me fall back lol and after OBS gets phone and Sue's WGF she definitely isn't coming back so I've got my one way train ticket to moving-onville.

I dont think itll be one of those situations where WGF will wake up one day 6 months from now and think damn I lost a good man and come crawling back, either.

So whatever.

LateNight

Given the shitstorm that's been going down can you absolutely confirm that it's the OBS you are giving this info to. There has been concerns previously that info was not reaching the OBS.

Yes. Its OBS, confirmed.

OK LN good to hear. If not already please make sure you have a Voice activated recorder (VAR) on you or activate audio recording on your phone to protect you. You just don't know how this meeting will go.

LN, I agree with you that the truth feels a relief to hear when you hear it, no matter how the story goes. I never got all the truth. After a year, it doesn't matter so much anymore. What matters more was the unwillingness to change, to tell me whatever I wanted to know, the constant feeling that there was a different kind of life that would always be calling him.

The intensity of the feelings do give way to a peaceful calm of loving your life and accepting what happened and it was not anything you cannot learn something from. Your situation is unbalanced. You give and she gives very little back. So you give more to keep the relationship going. Except she is looking outward to others and takes the energy out of the relationship. So you put more in. You try and give her things of yourself to keep her with you and interested.

Except she is getting attention from all kinds of places and many risky, unhealthy as well.

This isn't leading to healing for anyone involved.

The love and commitment and close bonding you feel is a game to her. She treats you as a plaything. No person should turn off their humanity this way. Our bodies weren't meant to be used for control or anything destructive. I'm not sure she even sees her part in this. Her reasoning has become warped. She seeks pleasure and control. She allows others to use her and she uses you.

Only with time and space can you look at this clearly. As far as you weren't this or that ......

You are yourself. That's enough. She's going to chase the next sensation until shes destroyed her life and taken many others with her. I don't see any signs of remorse or self awareness.

I loved a controller when I was your age. Yes, we are willing to do almost anything for those we love. I will tell you that 30 years later, I see it was not love. It was the illusion of love. It was intense infatuation and connection. Love is something else. Love feels different. Love feels calm and sure. Love builds you up. Love never hurts or deceives. Love never plays games or looks to the next thrill. You will experience love.

Just now, you need to heal and be at peace. I'm sorry it hurts. I know it does. I promise you it won't go on this way. You need to find yourself. Don't feel bad, feel glad that you are growing. It's hard to see it now, but this is an important time in your life. Find yourself and seek things that will build you up.

Like I said I've gone numb.

Damn it all to hell and burn it all to the ground.

Zero. Fucks. Given.

Thanks for listening to me vent, all of you.

Your all wonderful, even the 2x4 swingers out there.

Actually first time I saw somebody write 2x4 incoming it made me laugh, so thanks for that. I needed it.

I'll be around. Not sure if I'll be posting anytime soon, if ever. I dont think I have anything else to say.

I guess I'm extremely intense but not for long, as opposed to a longer holding on but not as intense. I mean I exhausted every Avenue to make this work. Didnt work. So oh well. What else can ya do?

Not a damn thing.

And shes an idiot.

Bc she knows if she didnt try to R I was gonna burn it down. She had every chance to stop what's coming but she wasnt sorry. She barely pretended to be sorry. I guess she wants to get sued? Maybe shes planning on counter suing? Maybe she wants to get fired, so she can sue for SH. Maybe she wants OM to get D so he can sue me for AOA. Maybe this is all part of her plan and shes a fucking evil genius that's about to make out like a bandit on the pain and suffering of the people around her.

Idgaf at this point though. I'm OUT!

LN,

I applaud your resolve to get out of infidelity. Keep in mind that doing so does not have to involve revenge. You just are not going to lie and enable more infidelity any longer. You know the truth and you are not going to hide it from OBS. She also deserves to know the truth. Simple as that.

Please do keep coming here and let us support you. I think you will need us, as the roller-coaster doesn’t stop just because a decision has been made. But your decision does mean you are exiting infidelity, and you will discover there is peace in that.

Wishing you strength!

I guess she wants to get sued? Maybe shes planning on counter suing? Maybe she wants to get fired, so she can sue for SH. Maybe she wants OM to get D so he can sue me for AOA. Maybe this is all part of her plan and shes a fucking evil genius that's about to make out like a bandit on the pain and suffering of the people around her.

Waywards typically just don't think things through like that, LateNght. Hell, they barely can plan a week ahead properly. Whatever happens with her it will be mostly her reacting to her own shit storm rather than be proactive about anything. Typically decision making is on the fly, just like deciding when to make out or fuck, whatever options are available as opportunity permits. I can imagine with the OBS now in the mix it will be a lot of defending, begging, and self preservation on your WGF's part.

My only advice is you take care of you and getting your ducks in a row. Also, get your favorite lawn chair, some popcorn with your favorite beverage and just enjoy her shit show from afar. It WILL get interesting!

Maybe she wants OM to get D so he can sue me for AOA

He's be laughed out of court. That is, if he could even find an attorney to take the case.

LN

The way you are feeling right now is 'normal' under the circumstances. Allow me to expand on that! What is happening now is that by maintaining contact, you are still being hit by painful missiles, the bomb exploded but you have not removed yourself from harms way and are constantly getting hit with the fallout debris. This is exactly why NC is so very important and don't get me wrong, I know how hard it is to simply cut off all contact. It kind of feels like switching off the life support machine to your relationship, that you know it has to be done, but cannot yet bring yourself to flip the switch. You're kind of 'shaking' your SO just to see if there is even a glimmer of a response to give you hope.

Unfortunately the relationship as you knew it is dead and buried, whatever happens in the future, it will never be the same. Sometimes that is a bad thing, but sometimes it proves to resurrect in a far better form. But for now my friend, you have to walk away if you are to maintain even a modicum of self respect. I am not going to analyse again what she has done, you are fully aware, so allow me to focus on your next steps.

If I was you, I would be inclined to forget all the phone saga for now, you are in no fit state to become involved in anymore drama or upset. You have told OBS so that's that, it is not for you to convince her, or to provide her with evidence, that is her job to find out should he wish to. Concentrate on YOU, nobody else. You are running on a reserve tank of strength, so although morally the RIGHT thing to do would be to help out a stranded motorist by taking him an hour in the opposite direction for help, it is not within your limited means to do so. First you have to help yourself right? get to a gas station, fill up, then call for help for the other motorist. Do you get where I am coming from? You must prioritise and preserve your supplies of energy and strength to help yourself first. The last thing you need at the moment is to become embroiled in OM's fallout, you will simply be putting yourself in the firing line for more misdirected blame and accusations.

You HAVE to accept that right now she is not coming back, whatever you do, hard to face I know, but the sooner you accept that, the sooner you can start to get stronger. The more you are giving her options and lowering your reconciliation requirements, the less she is showing you any respect. You are going to hurt for a while and there is no escaping that fact, so can either hurt and chase her, or hurt the same and let her go. The first option will absolutely lead to more pain and humiliation and self loathing, with the second you have the benefit of being the one to walk away and with your dignity and balls intact!

Sometimes I wish I had a magic mirror, that could take me back 14 months and show you that what I am saying is true. You go to bed crying and hurting, sleep eluding you right? feeling like a brick has dropped on your stomach the minute you wake from a few hours of exhausted rest. If you do not contact her, you are still going to experience that, however there comes a little strength and satisfaction from knowing that you have made the decision of NC and are sticking to it. It results in you sensing the tiniest bit of control back and I promise it does actually alleviate the humiliation if not the pain.

I cannot stress enough that NOTHING you can say to her or do at this time is going to have any positive affect, other than NC. That is because she is a selfish, self entitled woman with an over inflated opinion of herself (on the surface only, coz that woman has deep rooted issues without a doubt) She is wallowing in her own self pity, guilt (not for what she did but because she got caught) She is revelling in the enabling BS her parents and friends are no doubt feeding her and thinking only of herself. Someone needs to knock that self righteous little cow off her pedestal and I make no apologies for saying that. She is riding high in the knowledge that whenever she sees fit to forgive YOU ( Yes that is what a hard faced bag she is) then she can ride back in and rule the roost again. She is NOT in the least bit sorry, any ounce of pity is for herself alone.

I know you feel like shit, I am all too fmailiar sadly with those feelings of excrutiating pain and desperation, it is not a place I would wish for my worst enemy to be (except OW) You are still in shock and grasping out for any lifeline to stop the burning pain. Please trust me and the other members here when we are sharing our experiences to help ease that pain for you. I am going to ask you to do 2 things now, the first is please come post and answer the following questions. It will help you to vent and talk and see more clealy I hope, the second is that I am going to send you a PM. Someone reached out to me way back then and that person has been my lifeline and greatest confidant right to this day. An amazing friend that I could ring at any hour, who would listen, comfort me and pray with me. As such I am reaching out to you and if my friend agrees, I will also ask them to contact you. The person in question has been reconciled for many many years after suffering a similar situation to you and could without doubt also help you. Ok here are the questions, they are not designed to judge or have any underlying meaning, simply to help you to find some answers for yourself.

1) You are understandably afraid to take the NC step, can you explain what it is that you are fearful of, what do you think you risk losing in doing so?

2) What do you think would be the outcome if she walked in through the door right now and said, honey I'm home, ie back to try again?

3) If she did do number 2, how would you feel and what would be your reaction? (there is no correct answer, just honesty)

4) If I was a fairy ( ok don't laugh ) and could grant you three immediate wishes, what would they be? I am trying to leave my mental health nurse hat off, but it sneaks back on occasionally lol.

5) Are you being supported outside of SI, family friends etc?

I could ask many more, but let's get started with those. I am not here to judge you, jeez I made more than my fair share of 'wrong' decisions initially after DD. I want to help you as does everyone else here, I want to listen and to understand where you are at right now, so that I can best support you, whatever choices you make. Ok you have f**ked a few times as you say, but you are human and hurting. Do not beat yourself up, you are at the 2 steps backward, one forward stage, early days, but it will soon turn into one back one forward, then one back 2 forward.

You say you're 'done' no you are not, you are exhausted mentally and physically, lost and confused and angry and hurt etc. ALL normal. But if you stop posting we cannot help you and I see the worrying signs that I too exhibited back then, they are screaming at me to hold out my hand to you and so I am. Please check your PM's

You are not alone, SI is a heaven and haven for us all, it will become your safe place and source of strength in time, I promise. I felt like you initially and wanted to run from SI, the truth was painful to take, but I stuck with it and without any doubt whatsoever, this place saved my life. Members who had whacked me with that 2x4 lol, also carried me when I could not walk. I can see now what I could not in those first few weeks, you have the support, wisdom and kindness of some of the worlds most beautiful souls. Hurt and pain makes people compassionate and empathic, all everyone wants is to encourage you to take those first small steps to healing.

Check your PM's

BD x

LN we care about you very much. Stay a little and keep getting encouraged. I think you were brave to share what you did. Sometimes after the I feel nothing/ don't care comes the anger and it can be sudden or strong. If you need to vent it here, that's better for you than holding it in.

Glad to see you finally decided to value yourself and get out of infidelity. Just because you've decided to move on doesn't mean that you will heal all that quickly. When you feel down n out, post something. We will be here to you work through your emotions. It takes time to heal.... why, because you cared. Take some time and just be. Run through the emotions. Dont fight them, except them. Before long you will start to feel better about yourself. Keep busy. Exercise is good for raising your endorphins. Look at how you have matured as an individual in this relationship. The next woman you decide to date will be getting a more complete you. Wish you well.

LateNight, if I were a betting man, despite where this shit show is going after OBS does her thing, I don't care how pissed off your sadistic wife is, at some point she is going to reach out to you making overtures about getting back together.

She will do it with one intent and that is to FUCK with your sanity and for revenge.

I don't care if it gets "burned to the ground".

Do what you have to do to stay NC, but you better be prepared for this and more importantly what you're going to do (which hopefully is NOT to take her bait).

If you do you'll just be back to square one.

Phone went to OBS.

Havnt heard from SO and havnt reached out to her either.

I meant it when I said I tried every Avenue and none of it did a bit of good so what else can I do but accept it.

Still numb.

OBS said OM actually found and took phone and deleted everything but then a couple hours later she said she got the phone back and restored the messages and was on the way to take it to the lawyers....

So idk wth really happened. I told her I had copies if she needs them in case he takes the phone again but as of now I'm guessing she got it to the lawyers.

BD to answer your questions...

1. Nothing at this point.

2. She would go fuck herself.

3. Because I'd tell her to go fuck herself.

4. Unlimited wishes then I'd ask for 1 BILLION dollars the body of a Greek God & and the ability to read minds at will.

5. No I've left everyone alone and just want to be left alone really.

Booyah,

I'm not sure I get what your saying.... how can she get revenge on me? And for what? For giving OBS phone? That's the only thing I can think of. But how? You think she'd try to woo me for another few years as the perfect gf suck me into marriage and then D me take half my assets?

Faaaatttttt channnceeeeee bc she can go fuck herself.

Stay strong, LateNight. You did the right thing. I am sure it was hard, I know it would be hard for me to do that in your situation.

I am so sorry you have found yourself in the same club as millions of others. It is a sucky club and no one wants to be here. Just know that you are not the problem, your XGF is. You are man of integrity and worthy of love, honesty and loyalty.

Wishing you peace and serenity on your healing journey.

Latenight, not hard to figure out what I'm saying.

From the outset you have wanted to R with this sadistic woman (and she knows it). Hopefully you truly have reached a place where that is no longer your desire.

She may act pissed off and have no desire to get back with you right now, but once this cluster of a nightmare comes crashing down, don't be surprised if she comes crawling back to you sobbing tears that it's you she loves and wants.

She won't be doing this because she's finally seen the light.

No it will be to screw with your mind and to get you right back under her thumb so she can bring you crashing down again (and yes for revenge for spoiling her current F'ed up arrangement).

I'm telling you to be ready for this because chances are it's going to happen. The question is what are you going to do when this happens?

I know you say "NO way I would go back to her after what she's done", but if you don't get into IC there's a really good chance that she'll suck you right back into her sadistic game.

I'm not saying this to be mean. I'm just trying to warn you. Go back and read every one of your posts and tell me I'm wrong for thinking this. I truly hope and pray that you now see this woman for who she REALLY is and more importantly have the strength to stay away from her NO MATTER WHAT!!!

I mean I have the strength now for sure.

But I can see what your saying about the possibility considering how I felt and how hard I tried.

However, EVEN IF I were to break down in weakness... for all of her stringing along that she did, she made it clear that if I turned that phone over to OBS she was never ever ever ever ever coming back. Hell the stringing along was probably just a ploy to keep me from handing over phone. But now that it's done its done.

So I dont see myself being weak on it at this point AND I don't see her ever coming bc she probably wasnt to begin with but especially not now that I handed the phone and physical proof over to OBS.

So yep. Can't unring the bell.

LN,

Always have a plan.

In this case, have a plan on how NOT to take your WGF back. You have blown up her fantasy by passing the phone to the OBS, and her little fantasy will probably crumble.

So, what would she do? Go back to Plan B, you.

She might try and guilt you with her kid (he misses you, etc etc etc), or she might try and seduce you (saying that you can do to her what she did to you).

Please don't think with the small head between your legs. You are better than that.

Remember what she has done. Never forget, as this is an experience that you can learn and grow from.

You can choose to forgive (no real hurry on this, do it at your own pace), but never forget, or you might make the same mistake again.