SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I attended a conference this weekend. I had a hotel room all to myself and I enjoyed that.

I flew to and from this event.

I’m a reasonably attractive woman for my age. Toot toot 😉

Prior to my husbands affair, I would never have noticed the signals that the opposite sex would send indicating physical interest unless it was clearly stated.

During this trip, I was discreetly propositioned 4 times. In two days, both at the conference and during the flights.

That is terrible. My eyebrows went up each time. And then I would use language and conversation to indicate that I was married, and I would also bring up their families. I don’t roll like that.

It boggles my mind that people give themselves permission to behave that way when there is no way for them to be accountable.

It made me look at the people I work with very differently. And complete strangers too, even though my perception was skewed shortly after DDay.

Doesn't surprise me at all, the men you're running into there are probably some of the same men that I work with. Vegas is one of the places where a lot of the most awful male behavior I talk about often is on display. And those men who approached you likely approached dozens or 100's of other women over the course on their stay; that's how these type of men operate. It's a numbers game, you only need 'one yes' to make up for the sea of "nos".

The thing that always kills me about this, when women enter into an A, it's selecting for exactly that type of guy. The guy who hits on you in Vegas is also the kind of guy who'll make a move on you after work, or take conversation "too far" over lunch. You've self-selected into EXACTLY the group that you profess (no you personally, most women) to despise.

I'll say this, the blame is 2 sided here. Men shouldn't behave this way, no doubt. But they wouldn't behave this way if it didn't work, and, sadly, it does; I've seen it work personally, read about it here 100's of time, and experienced it as the victim of my WW's A. But make no mistake, the "good guys" aren't the ones you're going to meet, they aren't the ones trying with 25 different women a week; they are NOT going to be the ones having an A with you. It's this group of guys that you'll have as your partner if you have an A.

I have to travel for work soon.

I am considering asking to have myself removed from the project. For this reason.

Not that I don't trust myself - I'm monogamousAF.

I just don't want to trigger hard over the scenarios that you have outlined above. As they will most assuredly happen. Nor do I want to explain to my boss that I went off on one of the higher ups who did throw these signals out and I reached my tipping point.

Typing that out I think I just talked myself out of going on that trip. And am OK with it.

Slight T/J - we went out over the weekend and one of my WH's friends hit on me hard. I shut him down right good. Told WH on the ride home. And his first comment was "b-b-but...he's married"

FACE PALM

My husbands answer

But he knows you belong to me ... you are married too

Hypocrite

I know people who absolutely embrace this mentality. I actually went to Vegas with some of them years ago for a bachelorette party. There were definitely two camps: those going to have fun with their friends vs. those going to pretend they were single and get lots of attention. In my experience, you have to be very high in narcissistic qualities to be going with the intention of cheating. That group of acquaintances (much smaller than the non-cheating group) have always been selfish in many ways, also prone to telling a lie here and there, and big into self-promotion and Look at me! antics that draw attention. So I wasn't surprised by their attitude; it's always bad. (Their spouses know exactly who they are and continue to tolerate it.)

Many years ago I was a flight attendant, and these types were all over the flights to Vegas. They were big gamblers (Look at me!), big partiers, big spenders, big pool flirting guys, and/or big mouth braggarts. I really believe that Vegas is a huge draw for those who thrive on ego kibbles, and that means they are almost always more than willing to cheat.

That’s the thing about this, the difference in perspective in the purpose:

Some see it as a professional, that you’re at work. One of those things is that you don’t have sex when you’re on the clock. Thats my view anyway.

Some see it as selfish opportunity, as a reward for being there. Maybe as a networking tool? I dunno...I don’t have that mentality.

Don’t get me wrong, i was friendly and personable and we all had laughs. But the ones who were fishing took it too far? I can’t articulate what I mean...maybe too cozy, too fast?

It was disturbing to know that had I wanted to, I could have and no one would be the wiser.

What person enjoys having that secret to themselves? That they have one over their spouse? That they’re entitled to it? That ‘no one got hurt’ perspective?

I’ll never understand.

It boggles my mind that people give themselves permission to behave that way when there is no way for them to be accountable.

My cheater ex was very open with me throughout our relationship that, during his first marriage, he had slept with prostitutes in Vegas during work trips with his boss, who did the same. It bothered me, but somehow through my rose-colored glasses I let myself believe that he conducted himself that way because, as he said, his first wife neglected him sexually.

In one of our final conversations, after he'd left me for OW, and still claimed that he'd never cheated on me or anybody else, I reminded him of the prostitutes he had sex with behind his first wife's back.

He had the audacity to tell me that that was not cheating, that it's not cheating if you're not in a 'relationship' with the affair partner, it's not cheating if you don't know them, and it's not cheating if you pay them!

Slight T/J - we went out over the weekend and one of my WH's friends hit on me hard. I shut him down right good. Told WH on the ride home. And his first comment was "b-b-but...he's married"

FACE PALM

OMFG. DUDE!!!!

It boggles my mind that people give themselves permission to behave that way when there is no way for them to be accountable.

My cheater ex was very open with me throughout our relationship that, during his first marriage, he had slept with prostitutes in Vegas during work trips with his boss, who did the same. It bothered me, but somehow through my rose-colored glasses I let myself believe that he conducted himself that way because, as he said, his first wife neglected him sexually.

In one of our final conversations, after he'd left me for OW, and still claimed that he'd never cheated on me or anybody else, I reminded him of the prostitutes he had sex with behind his first wife's back.

He had the audacity to tell me that that was not cheating, that it's not cheating if you're not in a 'relationship' with the affair partner, it's not cheating if you don't know them, and it's not cheating if you pay them!

Met a woman on the shuttle bus to the hotel in Vegas. She was married from a conservative culture a high up school administrator was good looking and had kids. Definite signals she was ready I was thinking WTF. There were also 2 women on the gaming floor that looked primed.

And I was not even on the prowl.

I just don't trust anyone anymore.

I've realized just how flirty & full of innuendo so many people have at conferences, conventions, trade shows, networking events, etc.

It honestly looks to me like everyone is banging everyone these days.

My glasses aren't rose-colored. They're bloody.

I can only speak to business events in big, fancy destinations (especially Vegas) as being a "Let's do this! Woo Hoo!" get away. I have been to many conferences like this--Miami, Vegas, LA--and a good percentage are there for the opportunities, married or not.

But what about smaller cities, quieter locations? Do people really see it as a dating, hook up, party opportunity? Even though it's Omaha (no offense to Omaha, I'm sure it's fun)? Does the type of trip matter or just the being away from home? I assume 50% of people in Vegas are misbehaving, and they are probably there for work. But what about other places?

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 7:11 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)]

I was just in Vegas and saw this mentality in action all around me. It's an adult playland that caters to our inner most fantasies, all at a price of course. It's intoxicating for people and there's an "everybody's doing it" mentality which underpins the "what happens in Vegas" attitude. Plus the city's machinations make it very easy for people to live out said fantasies.

Don't blame the city though. Anyone who is going to let loose in Vegas is going to let loose regardless, Vegas just gives them an excuse. They're a loaded gun just waiting for someone to pull their trigger.

What always amazes me is that we teach our kids to be kind and decent, but we don't have life conversations about relationships. We need to teach our children (teens and up) that if they feel conflict in a relationship, they need to have honest conversations and see if they can figure it out or if they need to go their separate ways. I firmly believe this would help curb the infidelity aspect and prevent people from disease and death. May not do much to decrease the divorce rate, though.

People are so full of themselves today, they'll hit on others just to know they can.

Just like in my marriage. I didn’t see any of this in Vegas. I am clueless.

Just like in my marriage. I didn’t see any of this in Vegas. I am clueless.

Well, I was just as clueless in my M, that's for sure. But Vegas, I have a feeling it's a bit different for women. Walking down the street as a guy, anytime, day or night, there are these "card snappers" (you probably saw them, but didn't realize what they were doing) who are handing out business cards for prostitutes. If you walk 3 blocks as a guy in Vegas and take the cards handed to you, you'll probably have 20 different women to call by the end of that walk.

Yes, it's a den of smut, I feel sorry for anyone who actually lives and works there. I can't imagine.

Funny you should say that, RIO.

We lived in Vegas right as it started transitioning into the Stays in Vegas mentality from the previous more family-friendly stuff the tourism board was promoting.

Yeah. We moved. We knew it was time when my 7yo went to build a bear and came out with Hooker Poodle.

Hookerpoodle sounds like some kind of weird, foreign sport that was introduced to that country centuries ago while under British occupation...

Yes, it's a den of smut, I feel sorry for anyone who actually lives and works there. I can't imagine.

Don't assume the city of Las Vegas is the "Strip" we are not!! I live in a beautiful town NOT a hotel casino. Yes, there is cheating here but it is just like the cheating in your town.

Don't assume the city of Las Vegas is the "Strip" we are not!! I live in a beautiful town NOT a hotel casino. Yes, there is cheating here but it is just like the cheating in your town.

That's a fair point, however, most people when they are talking about "Vegas" are actually saying "The Vegas strip". But, that said, I agree with you, get off the strip, life gets a lot better really quickly. Get out of the town entirely, and it's beautiful, and no, there's no "card snappers" at the Hoover Dam or any of the beautiful places that surround the strip.