SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I honestly can’t understand why you have these conversations with a cheating spouse. It’s as if you are normalizing the situation. I guess a ww could say I only took it in the ass so I didn’t get pregnant baby, aren’t I a god wife? Or I always let him finish in my mouth so don’t worry honey.

Makes me sick to my stomach.

We are not fish that die after mating. I will never understand why anyone would risk their life or health for some sex when they have a loving spouse at home.

He also promised her he was clean.

I wonder how and when this conversation came about. Seeing as it was a "purely sexual" affair. The messages I saw between my XW and the AP were more romantic in nature. Talking about their future life and feelings. Sex was just a byproduct of their love. If I wasn't involved, it would've been read as a pretty standard start of relationship chatting.

My WW didn't use any protection either. He was snipped and she had tubes tied so no pregnancy risk. He hadn't had sex for 18 months (according to him) since his wife had caught him fucking a different woman and cut him off. The fact that he fucked other women wasn't a warning apparently.

Unlike wwtl's XWW my WW knew and planned their first sex. She picked him up and took him to one of our pastures 30 miles away to put mineral out for the cows. The sole intention of "doing her part" as she told me was to fuck him in our pasture and consummate their relationship. I was 8 hours away and told her not to put the mineral out but she NEEDED to "do her part" for our ranch.

In the 4 years of the LTA he wouldn't cheat on her with other women, would he? He would be true to her wouldn't he? He had a past of cheating on his wife but he surely wouldn't cheat on her, would he? Cause he's a good, honourable guy. Even though she was screwing me he would be true to her, for sure. Lying cheating liars lie.

Fortunately her STD tests came back clear. I don't know how many times we had sex in the period between that trip to the pasture and DDay1 10 years later. I don't want to cause anguish for BSs who have suffered from incurable dangerous diseases but I sometimes wish that I would have got a easily curable obvious STD. Since I wasn't cheating there only could have been one source.

For a cheater to use a condom they must be capable of giving a shit about their BS.

Not necessarily. Maybe some do think about pregnancy and STDs. They don't want either. Still has nothing to do with caring about their BS.

My wh apparently did use a condom each time. Mow said bit always but he said always. I suspect he did. He admitted that she put it on him sometimes. How romantic and sexy right?

My wh has a lta. He had thousands of moments to reconsider what he was doing and about to do. Putting the condom on was not a moment to reconsider, he was in the throws of passion and just seconds away from getting what they both wanted.

There was a park that wh and mow had sexual at that he didn’t realize was being patrolled by his employer. He saw one of the cars drive by then just before they were about to get busy. He knew he would be fired if caught. Not only did the possibility of losing his family not stop him losing his job didn’t either. He told me about how scared he was when he saw them and I said,” but you did it and finished anyway?” He said yes in a very sorry way.

It’s like wayward shave a brain that has shrunk to a size where the only thinks they can think of is the orgasm.

My WW lied and lied and lied more about always using condoms. I finally threw down the divorce gauntlet. Guess what? No condom, ever. She came home to me with him oozing out of her, including when we went on vacation with him.

Rusty, according to her it wasn’t much of a conversation. It was more like right before penetration she expressed doubts that they should be doing this, and should they be doing this without a condom. That’s when he assured her he was clean.

She also brought it up after in a WTF just happened moment where she brought it up again and he told her he was ok

My WH used condoms with me, so I can only assume he used them with her. I still get complete STD screenings every year.

Pretty much every sexual detail of affair sex sucks for the betrayed spouse. Condom/no condom. Sucks either way. This is because the only nonsucking choice the WS should have made was the choice they didn't make:not have the A at all.

As far as the thought that the WS doesn’t think about using condoms to protect the BS since they are already cheating and don’t care about us...I think for many, the pregnancy fear is real and that is enough to get them to use it. So while they aren’t thinking of us probably, they are still worrying about themselves. I’m so glad he did ..his OW had 5 kids at the time in foster care. She has since been pregnant four times in five years with two births. Those kids are alsonin the system now. My husband had no idea she was a serial baby maker.

WH swore he used condoms every time (which would likely be hundreds (thousands??) Of times with dozens of women. Until I thought I had an STI and screamed at him. Then he admitted he failed to use a condom ONE TIME, with ONE WOMAN.

And the trickle truth Oscar goes to.....!!!!

My WS claimed to use a condom but still gave me chlamydia. I wonder how that happened. Oh that's right. It "broke".

WS are selfish liars.

I know my husband and the AP used condoms. I wouldn't assume that being stupid enough to have an affair means you're careless enough to not use one. I'm sure my husband did it less for me than for preventing pregnancy with her. He stopped having sex with me once the EA started and began to think of the affair as his primary relationship. Unbeknownst to him, I found his condom stash and the number missing jives with his known hookups with her.

I haven't asked him yet when he made the decision to buy them, when he decided he was going to kill a part of his soul.

Ladies,if a man has a boner, you'll never get him to say anything other than "it's ok, I'm clean". There's literally no chance of truthfulness. Zero. He's not going to obstruct his own path to sex considering he's been working at getting to that point for weeks, months or years. There's no turning back after arousal.

Well, my then-husband happily screwed his mistress with no protection at all. “Her tubes were tied”, he said. It came as a shock to him that the whore forgot to mention she had herpes. But hey, she couldn’t get pregnant, so I guess there’s that consolation.

Thankfully for both of them, and myself too because orange really isn’t my color, he did not bring herpes home to me.

But, condoms? I was SO INCREDIBLY angry that he didn’t use condoms. He had no right whatsoever to jeopardize my health. But he did. And he didn’t give a shit either.

Ladies,if a man has a boner, you'll never get him to say anything other than "it's ok, I'm clean". There's literally no chance of truthfulness. Zero. He's not going to obstruct his own path to sex considering he's been working at getting to that point for weeks, months or years. There's no turning back after arousal.

Dead on. Or the other classic lie, "I had a vasectomy" and then suddenly, wind up pregnant. And honestly, without casting too many stones at men, this "never honest" approach is much more affair or one night stand focused. In those cases, yes, I believe that almost all will lie. In a regular relationship, I'd like to believe that at last some men would see beyond the immediate sex and be more honest. I know I've been "that guy" in the past.

But in an A? Well, affairs are the "bare knuckle boxing" world of relationships. There's no sparring with gloves on in an A, lie early, lie often, and make sure you say whatever it takes to get the panties off. It's just the nature of the beast. Welcome to Fight Club.

Can you get underwear tested for dried semen DNA?

I've been looking at DNA testing websites but they all say things like for you to just provide a cheek swab or go in for a blood test.

I've often thought that, when I've inspected her underwear in the laundry that there is no way THAT is her "skid marks" in the vaginal part of her gusset, there's just too much of it to be just hers.

She's admitted to sleeping with other men but assured me its always with condoms for obvious reasons but there's been some signs from her I'm just not sure she's being honest about.

@Grafter40I remember from years ago someone who wanted underwear tested for DNA. I do know they found some place, but I don't know what the place was called and I don't think they shared it, at least publicly, because we have a NO SOLICITING guideline here. I don't even remember the members name, sorry. But, they are out there.

On another level. Does it really matter? I would imagine she is lying. My FWH lied and lied about using condoms with the OW. You know the stupidest part of that is? FWH and I used condoms. Every. Single. Time. Yeah, we even have a son from condom use. I wanted to name him after the condom brand that burst. No, not Trojan. Anyhoo, back on track, trust your gut. I didn't. I was always willing to give my FWH the benefit of the doubt. Even after d-day. Finally I learned he didn't deserve the benefit of the doubt. I needed to always listen to my gut because, it turns out, my gut was always right.

This was certainly a tough aspect to take. That it would have been easier to handle if they used protection. But she did tell me right away that they talked about it before hand... she was on birth control and he was tested recently and he had been with the same woman for a year so I mean hey no big deal...