SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

While I'm not a veteran, there are only two people that know I post on SI (my WW and friend).

Ironically enough, I was having lunch with a friend a few years ago. He was telling me about his WW's A and all the fallout. I opened up to him about my WW's A. He mentioned he was on a forum and was getting a lot of help. I said, yeah, me too. We both kind of smirked and he held up his phone and I could see the unmistakable SI page. We both laughed. He doesn't know my username and i dont know his. I wonder if he will ready this!!

No one knows I am a member here.

I have recommended this site twice to people I knew who were betrayed but never told them my username or that I still post.

I’m still here to try to help those who are in that initial mind-bending fear and anguish that comes from this ultimate betrayal and are looking for some compassion and hope.

Hopefully, the horror-show experience of dealing with my XWW’s infidelity will ultimately help others deal with it from a position of strength instead of the despair that we are all familiar with.

IMHO only victims and survivors really “get it”.

8 years out. I didn't find this site until a year and a half after Dday. I was on here a lot the first few years after finding SI, and it has been a lifesaver for me. WH did not like me coming on here because, you know, "*he* was not like those other WSs"----and he has stated that by my coming on here I am "dwelling on it".

Our 4 kids, my IC and our MC all knew about SI. I haven't been able to visit as much this past year as I am working so many hours--but I don't think that anyone realizes that I still visit SI.

I have recommended SI to several people in a vague way.

I think that most people expect a BS to "move on and get over it."

I too found SI late...2 yrs...I had made so many mistakes after dday 1...

It was a life saver...who can you talk to and they get it?

I asked my WH to come here...hoping he would have the same experience as I.....he thought it was stupid...He demanded I stay off of it...Im not sure he remembers it.....or if he stalks...I just don't care...I don't think he would read, because he cant face himself...I still don't care...its for me...

My grown daughter knows...it makes her happy...on all accounts...she has witnessed much....shes glad it exists for us all...

I have recommended it to 2 ICs...they were grateful and eager about it....and a few fellow BS..

I think we have similar patterns...the desperation, the realization, the acceptance, the helping....its all part of healing. I still visit...I still respond...I still learn things....my denial was strong.

[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 4:31 PM, July 6th (Saturday)]

I found this site many years after being divorced. My attitude is that if I can help someone as a result of what happened to me, I can feel like it was at least worth something.

There have been aspects of what I went through that I've been able to get past better by participating on this site with others that are experiencing the same in real time. Some things that I couldn't see clearly at the time, I can see much more clearly in hind sight when I read here and see someone experiencing the same thing, and it gives me an AH HA moment.

And yes, people know. I never share my user name, but I share examples of what I've seen people here rise above. Many of you are an inspiration.

I found this site many years after being divorced. My attitude is that if I can help someone as a result of what happened to me, I can feel like it was at least worth something.

There have been aspects of what I went through that I've been able to get past better by participating on this site with others that are experiencing the same in real time. Some things that I couldn't see clearly at the time, I can see much more clearly in hind sight when I read here and see someone experiencing the same thing, and it gives me an AH HA moment.

And yes, people know. I never share my user name, but I share examples of what I've seen people here rise above. Many of you are an inspiration.

I've recommended SI to others who I know are dealing with infidelity, but I've shared nothing more than that.

My WW, a recovering and currently sober SA, doesn't know as this has been the one place where I was able to depend on being fully understood and supported. While we are in a much better place now, she recognizes that continuing to be in a healthy place requires ongoing support and vigilance on her part and, in turn, I recognize that there is always the possibility that I could need SI for my own support at some future point. I hope that day doesn't come and given my WW's efforts so far it looks like we have a decent chance of avoiding that eventuality. Therefore, SI is now where I try to pay things forward by periodically signing in and offering what I can to others.

I have met 2 friends in person Fromm SI and currently keep in touch with one of them. They are the only people who know I am here. I believe I mentioned it years ago to our MC and she didn’t think it was a good idea. Maybe like hinder my healing? Totally wrong, SI saved me! I still find it helpful and comforting to be here. I take breaks now and then and don’t post a whole lot but very much appreciate the insight and advice here.

I haven’t known anyone to refer here but I would if the occasion arose.

I believe the 4 people in my life who know all the truth think we are happily reconciled and I have moved past it. None of them ever asks me how I am or brings it up. They probably want to forget it happened themselves. I do feel we are mostly reconciled- but I still struggle at times. Sigh

I try to validate others and maybe pass on some insight once in awhile. Hopefully it’s give and take for me - but I feel I have mostly been on the receiving end these past few years.

Nope.

I'll tell people who are going through infidelity about SI being a great resource, but I don't tell them I post there or what my username is.

My friends and my son know I'm on here, but they don't know the name of the site.

My FWW's the only person who knows that I'm an active member (guide now) on SI. I told her about this site shortly after joining and then told her my username. I do NOT recommend sharing SI so early, but in our case, fortunately, I think it helped.

No, because I’ve only told 2 people IRL (1 close friend in 2009 & 1 close friend in 2012) about my H cheating and I haven’t spoken to them in years due to all of the moving around that’s a part of the military life. I have always been an extremely private person & never felt the need or comfort to tell family members and friends.

SI is my safe-place and I honestly wish I would’ve found this place back in 2009 or 2012 when the shit hit the fan. FWH knows I’m on here, but he doesn’t know my username.

I continue to post here to help others and myself. I’m 10 & 7 years out from DDays, but didn’t really deal with things until I found SI in 2016. The fact that I mostly get on here late at night is the main way I’m able to keep it a “secret”.

SO knows about this site - our slow steps into being together involved some sessions with my longtime IC and infidelity and this site were naturally a part of our discussion back then. One of our first dates was actually to an SI get-together. Total trooper.

He knows I've come back - partly that same IC encouraging me to give back and turn my experience into some deep and positive healing by helping others if I can. Which it has.

SO is also a BS and I think some of the stories/advice I share from SI give him a layer of realizing his experience wasn't unique. He is supportive of me being here and thinks it fits.

Some of my posse from those days know I posted/post on some "site", but don't know any particulars. I'm still kind of protective of SI - I'd absolutely recommend it to certain people, but I'm not a rooftop shouter either.

It was totally *my one safe place* back in the day when I was flailing.

It's nice knowing there's a collective here who really do get it (as well some people who know my *whole* journey - that's definitely a highly valuable thing) and will throw a lifeline if I ever need it.

I only recently told my WH that I frequent a message board about infidelity. He doesn't know which one, but it would be pretty easy to find it as most message boards aren't purple and he sees the purple screen a lot these days. I only told him bc he suggested I find a support group in my area and I told him that I felt like I already had one in this website. In a way, it is even better in my mind bc there are SO many stories and situations that there is bound to be someone who knows almost exactly how I feel. (Sadly.) Whereas in a small group of 10 people there might not be someone almost exactly in my boat (though we all know being a part of this club for any reason at all is enough).

Other than that, no one knows.

One of our first dates was actually to an SI get-together. Total trooper.

I'll say!! Dang, Chili, no wonder I get goosebumps and hopeful and only a tad envious when you talk about your SO and your incredibly special relationship. Yay for you two! (BTW, I feel the same about Phoenix1's relationship as well, and a couple others).

I've revealed a thing or 2 to SO in the moment that I immediately questioned myself about; but each time he has responded like an intelligent emotionally well-adjusted ADULT. NOT getting that Cluster B famous "misuderstanding" is like breathing fresh air for the first time after 19 years of breathing a dirty armpit. It makes me downright giddy.

I believe if we last, I could eventually tell him, along with some of the more dramatic details of my story. From an intimacy standpoint, the last 4 years are a huge part of my life. Absolutely changed me. (Ultimately for the better, I believe.) I would want him to know.

Old Vet here.

I shared this site w/ my WS early on in R, even before he was totally in and still breaking NC.

He has an idea that I still visit and post, and doesn't really care, now that he has done the real work, and he knows that I am a giver by nature, so it doesn't bother him and since we were successful he gets that my sharing will help others along their path.

I have referred others here that have joined and it has helped them, and others that didn't and they are still in f'd up situations by their own choosing, but don't see it that way.

Personally when I came here I was totally broken and CoD and lost. I was desperate and doing all the wrong things, but there were others that were strong and brave that had successfully navigated the waters. They saved me, I have to help save others.

I feel that it is essential to be truthful, honest, and up front as possible to help the newly traumatized. If they can listen and hear then they may benefit from it. If not rinse and repeat.

I have made a few real friends from this place over the years, and am honored that others who benefited from my words are now guides and moderators here.

I am more than 10 years out and fully healed. The lessons I learned from my H's infidelity have helped me heal other old wounds from abusive parents, and not be the same old CoD that I was.

I am stronger and happier, and want to share that recipe with others.

Old vet raises hand to answer WTB's question...

No one (outside of SI, of course ) knows that I post on SI. I joined before cell phones had apps - I only read and post from a PC.

Like many of you, I have referred it to a few people without mentioning that I am a member.

I primarily post to help others; once in a blue moon I'll start a post in OT or F&G. I truly enjoy being part of a community such as this and I don't plan on going anywhere except for an occasional break here and there.

I choose to keep my SI membership under wraps because it's my safe place - even though my FWH and I are reconciled, there's that teeny tiny shred of "if" it happens again - I'll always have a safe place to get support.

My WW knows. I told her shortly after my initial Dday.

It's funny...I am not a social media person. No Facebook account. I wasn't even smart enough to have an understandable username. I used a former athlete's prior numbers. Again, I wasn't the social media expert....

I found SI 7 months after DDAY1, and really don't know how or the specifics around it. But I stayed and read and eventually felt I'd found a home here (never posted at any other sites, just lurked but nothing seemed to resonate until I found SI).

I did tell WH at the time, because he saw me on my computer A LOT. And he was okay with it then. I'd even share posts with him and we'd use SI as a source of conversation starters. But over time he came to dislike my time here and accused me of "getting ideas" that he thought were holding me back from healing. If I brought up something, he'd sometimes get defensive and tell me to "stay off that site" because he thought the questions were coming from here. There were a few battles about SI.

But he knows I still come on, and he still doesn't really like it. Some things we just have learned to agree to disagree on.

My husband, DD and BFF know. I never told them my user name. I would tell FWH and BFF. Not my DD some is just between me and FWH.