SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

[This message edited by Cal23 at 7:15 PM, November 7th (Thursday)]

Facts I do know is over this timeline I knew something was off and checked her location each night and she was in her work building every night. There were two nights she was in the parking lot that matches up with her story. The part that doesn’t feel right is that on Friday night after the kiss she claims she threw up because she freak out about him kissing her yet she came home and waited for me to go to bed and then let him talk her into the photos because he kept asking to see her body. So she said she sent it so he would keep paying attention to her.

If there is smoke, there is fire.

She’s already proven to you that she lies.

She has trickle truthed you for months.

Trust your gut. What does your gut say?

Tell her you don’t believe her stories and that the only way you’ll be able to feel comfortable that nothing else occurred between them is for her to do a polygraph test and pass it. Watch for her reaction.

[This message edited by Mene at 10:16 AM, November 5th (Tuesday)]

And one other thing. Get the name of the bastard. Inform his wife if he has one. Don’t tell your wife you’re going to do this.

Given they’re at the same workplace one of the two MUST leave. This is not negotiable. Inform HR and if he’s most senior, he’s going to have to leave. Given they work together, the affair is most probably still going on or she’s been communicating with him.

I made her inform HR and they terminated him because Of his inappropriate comments he made. I emailed his girlfriend telling her what happened. I have monitored as much as I can over the last four months. She keeps pleading with me that nothing else happened and that it just had started. I do know he was only at that job for the two months prior to discovery . There are more details to events that happened but I tried to not write a book.

My gut doesn’t feel like she slept with him. But I think she is lying about the kiss and the photos to minimize. She said she would be willing to do a polygraph if I need her too and that she has nothing else to hide. She claims that she was really unhappy with herself and felt like I wasn’t giving her attention or cared about her at all. She said she started out friends with him and he started telling her how good she looked and how great she was and she just got caught up in the attention and didn’t realize how far it progressed. I told her she still made the decision to cheat and she allowed those things to happen and it doesn’t excuse her choices.

Good work on getting her to inform HR.

Now, she will probably say she’s OK with the polygraph.

Schedule it. Tell her it is happening. Take her there. She may confess more in the car before she walks in. Continue with the polygraph.

Cheaters lie. And lie some more. Adults don’t just kiss. They have sex. She will only tell you what you can prove.

And there is no excuse for her behaviour because you didn’t give her the attention she wanted. That’s blame shifting and will not help in your reconciliation if that is what you want. There is no excuse for infidelity. NONE. If she was unhappy she could have spoken to you. If nothing had changed she could have ended the marriage. Shut down any conversation if she’s trying to shift the blame on to you.

I hope her face is not in those photos because he can post them if he wants to. She freely sent them so now they are in the hands of a cheater.

My gut doesn’t feel like she slept with him

Most likely she did on July 6th because your gut said her jumping in the shower right away was not right.

On July 6th my wife came home from work and was acting strange. Actually that whole week something was off. I was in bed because I had to work the next morning. She got in the shower and something didn’t feel right

Good chance they were having sex at work. At the very least, there was probably a quick BJ in the back.

She said she would be willing to do a polygraph if I need her too and that she has nothing else to hide.

But she was hiding everything from you. And kept trickling out more pain and truth over time. Why do you believe her now?

She said she would be willing to do a polygraph if I need her too

She is bluffing because she doesn't believe you will do it. So call her bluff. find a reputable examiner and get it done. You should read up on Neanderthal's recent discovery of how effective they can be on getting a big dump of truth. Now he is most likely getting a divorce as his "Only had sex once and stopped it because I didn't like it" wayward wife was actually sex on demand for the OM, dating back multiple months.

[This message edited by Kiba at 10:42 AM, November 5th (Tuesday)]

I'm sorry you are here. Please do your best to take care of yourself.

Trickle truth is the absolute worst. Don't second guess your gut.

A polygraph is a great suggestion. It worked in my case. My WW agreed to do the poly, and then had a parking lot confession. So just because they agree to it, doesn't mean they're being truthful yet. Call her bluff, do the poly. Hopefully you will learn nothing more, or she spills whatever else she is holding back.

Either way, you deserve the truth.

I would agree with Mene, but add... and lie and lie and then lie some more. See her for who she really is, not the woman you thought you married. Only then will you be able to approach this from a position of strength and knowledge. Seek advice before any move and consider it deeply. Dont rush. It's on YOUR time, not hers. I made huge mistakes on dday because I had not found this site. My STBXWW was not found of me reading her. I would not put it past her to visit and read my posts even after 16 months of separation. She is a little bunny biker. Dont be surprised if you find out things about your wife that you never thought possible. My WW used to tell me that she would kill me if I cheated. Then I found out she gave a guy a blowjob in a parking lot while we were in recovery/reconciliation. Get strong for the journey ahead. You can do this.

The reason her story has inconsistencies is that she is lying, not because you keep asking her questions and she is "confused".

If she tells the truth the story will be consistent and there will be no confusion.

1) Get Fonelab and use it to run a recovery on her phone

2) Polygraph

3) ??? Take care of yourself whatever that means.

The night of the unusually timed shower she had slept with him. I’m sorry but that’s true. Also, how many iterative lies do you need to be told before you hit your limit?

[This message edited by CincyKid at 11:54 AM, November 5th (Tuesday)]

To clear up the shower thing she works in retail and her showering after work is her normal routine. She has always showered right after work since she started that job. Sorry if that seemed confusing that wasn’t something out of the ordinary. The vibe coming from her was what set me on her trail. Thanks for the insights some helpful, and some make me feel worse about my situation.

There is a saying on most of these websites, To save your marriage, You have to risk loosing it! Go to your wife and ask her, Do you want to be in this marriage? If not I am offering you an out right now, Because I refuse to be in a marriage with someone who neither wants or respects me! But if you want this marriage to continue. You need to be completely honest with me right now and going forward! If I find out more happened down the line, I will have no hesitation in filing for divorce immediately the choice is yours! Then leave the room and go watch tv. Trust me this will get results one way or the other...

we were all sleeping in our room she was talking to him on Snapchat.

Classy. On a family trip she's looking to get attention from her BF. These are the details that really hurt, sometime more than the sex.

She can say the sex means nothing and it may just be transactional (sex for more attention and ego kibbles) but the attention she is giving him while on a family vacay is hurtful and disrespectful.

IMO there is a good chance the kiss was more than peck on the cheek or lips and probably oral if they work in the same place with the same schedule. Cheaters minimize.

ETA: People who lie or leave out facts have a hard time remembering what lies they told so they get confused. If you are telling the truth it is just the truth...

[This message edited by MickeyBill2016 at 12:37 PM, November 5th (Tuesday)]

If they work together look for it to continue.

You'll find that talk vs actions will get you nowhere.

Better wake up to where you are.

That part has been difficult she will commit hard to stupid lies. After I push extremely hard she finally admits it. I told her she has become a compulsive liar. Our therapist thinks she is dealing with a lot of childhood trauma and needs individual help before she can communicate in a meaningful way. Before this I never would have expected my wife to do something like this. She always shamed others for cheating and said she would never do something like this. This has been a shock to me. I don’t think it advanced to a sexual affair yet but it definitely was an emotional affair. Unless I find out differently down the road.

You should really consider what I and others have posted here. Many have been in your Shoos.

There is such a thing as catching infidelity early before it progresses to sex. So many people here have been lied to by their Wayward spouse that there is a tendency to jump to conclusions that any affair between local adults included sex.

I do think that most local affairs get to sex but in your case I think there's actually a decent chance your wife did not get that far. You seem to have read all of the messages between them and none of them hinted at a sexual component to their relationship, correct?

I also think that many women will not give up sex within the first week or two of being flirted with. There is no standard length of time before two Affair partners jump in bed but for it to happen between co-workers within 2 weeks, well, I don't think it always develops quite that quickly.

Have you been able to see the photos she sent to him? If you can recover these, it may give you another clue. If she didn't actually send photos of her self fully naked then it would lend credibility to the story they did not have sex. And if you have confirmed that you have read all messages between them and none of them referenced a sexual relationship then that would lend further Credence to her story. After that, pretty much the only thing you can do is move forward with the polygraph. You may get a parking lot confession from her or not.

I think you may well have caught it early and the good news to support that point of view is what I wrote in the paragraphs above. Now for the concerns about her story that I have based upon what you wrote.

The one thing I wonder about is was it just a quick kiss or were they making out or worse that Friday? Did she actually enjoy it? I think she probably did. Otherwise, why would she send him photos later that night? I get the fact she liked the attention but if she liked the attention she probably liked the kiss or whatever else happened too. The vomiting aspect is also suspect for me. In fact it is one of the more worrisome parts of her story. I don't think you give someone a peck on the lips and then vomit from it. That just makes no sense at all. So either she is lying about the vomiting or she did something significantly greater than peck him on the lips and then she actually did vomit at the thought of it afterwards. Short of the polygraph, I would press her on the the story about her vomiting and what actually happened that made her vomit. I would tell her that I believe she did throw up but that a simple kiss on the lips would not be enough to cause that. Then I would demand an answer from her and demand the truth. If you give her time to reflect on that and she comes back with the same story then you either have to live with it or move to the polygraph stage.