I kind of sprung on my EX after 5 years I wanted a divorce. It got to a point that though she desperately wanted to stay married and keep our family intact, and had been a model WW, the injustice of it all broke me. She was in shock. She knew things were not the same, but after 5 years though they were getting better, and her danger zone had passed. That was really my fault in not communicating my unhappiness.
One of the sticking points was I felt I was robbed in all this. She got to have her fling, and even though it ended horribly for her, she got it nonetheless. I wanted my turn.
It was relatively easy for us. We had our house up north, and had gotten a vacation home in Florida. I would just move there. Like you I wanted no parts of the main residence as that was where the affair took place
We went to an attorney and had him draw up all of the paperwork and did everything but file. It killed her, but it was a better choice for her as it bought her some time. She knew I would be seeing other people, and she was free to do the same.
We actually got back for a short time as she begged to visit, but that didn’t last too long.
When you separate you need to realize a few things. First for us, the affair which was hidden for 5 years came out. I refused to be the bad guy who was dumping his wife to play the field. People were shocked. It would have been nice to just bury it, but in real life people ask just too many questions
The second thing for me was even though I missed her, and let her visit and we were back, my heart wasn’t in it. In my opinion, it’s hard to come back after a separation. You get a taste of what is like without the dark cloud of infidelity hanging over your head.
The last thing is it kind of gives you a read into what a divorce settlement will look like, and their attitude going in. My EX was fair in the separation agreement, and our divorce although lengthy and complicated due to finances, was pretty amicable
In the end, I was glad we did it that way. Frankly, during the separation she was my plan B, and I wanted the option of coming back if my new life sucked more than my married one.
My guess is she will go for it. If she doesn’t want a divorce it does buy her some time. It’s a shitty choice for her, but still better than divorce.