SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It was a few months ago where my WS started slacking on her "good behavior". She no longer has motivation to take our nightly counseling (via app, but conversation starters). I am on my 5th book about affairs. She has read- to my knowledge, none. The 5th book I read was No Soliciting

Holy. Shit.

Now, let me preface this with I have been of the mind that I want someone to tell me words that will fix me. Those words will never come. DDay was 8 months ago. This book could have been written by me. I just didnt have the capability to write it as she did.

Our counselor had told me in private that an affair is a thrill that cannot be matched by a marriage.

...K. let me experience it then

Signed up an ashley madison account. Apparently I am attractive. I had a few contacts within a matter of a day.

Huge. Huge. HUGE. ego boost which has been in the dirt. Much needed. I am aware that a lot of these accounts are fake, and simply want your number so they can reverse look it up and extort you to family and friends. There was one (local) that is very real.

This beautiful lady is interested in me, im interested in her- justifying that my wife stepped out. I let her know my situation.

----

I now "understand" what my WW was truly feeling on our date nights and would always be on her phone.

The new interest of wanting to check my phone every few minutes to see if they had texted (even checking it with her across the table, just like she did). When we had chatted back and forth and it got "real" I realized I had no better morals then the same morals that destroyed me. I had justified that because she told me that she had told her husband she wanted a divorce. (at the same time she had indications that she had been on ashley madison for a while).

We were texting back and forth, its nearly 3a. She says she wants to jump my bones this instant. This means if I get in my car and take a 15 minute drive, I can make this a legit "revenge" affair. I laid there for a while. Re-invisioning that this moment is probably what my WW did (when I woke up and she collapsed her phone into her chest). Realizing I have the fking opportunity. The desire. "The justification".

I didnt. It made me realize that I needed someone and an "experience" which will never align with what she did. I would not parade her around this woman and somehow justify my actions- like she did to me.

There is so much shit that is wrapped up into an affair, I have never despised my wife more when I understood WHAT she was getting that she couldnt get from me.

----

"Why are you doing this Fugly?" - Because I have been working so. very. hard. at keeping my sobriety, and sanity during the worst fking "moment" of my life. I was recently promoted to the ceiling of my industry during a recession. I make stupid amounts of money, but cant keep it together at home. Whats better? Assisting the kids through college, or coming from a broken home?

Like I said in the beginning. "Leave a cheater gain a life" could have been spoken by me.

TLDR; I flirted with another woman who reciprocated. I only have an inch of what my WW must have felt. I feel like shit wondering how my WW could proceed. I have never despised my WW more.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:27 PM, September 21st (Monday)]

Our counselor had told me in private that an affair is a thrill that cannot be matched by a marriage.

NOTHING is worth losing your integrity. NOTHING

Your choice...but remember...EVERY act has consequences.

This will only make things worse and deepen your pain.

If this is where you are then file for divorce and move forward ethically with relationships with other women. That’s what any book would recommend including the one you referenced. I’ve read that one too and it certainly doesn’t recommend going out and having a dumb revenge affair.

make a clean break. Why are you sticking around waiting for your apathetic wife to “get it”?

Think about this:

1. Any relationship with a married woman will be you willfully visiting on another man the pain you’ve experienced. Are you really prepared to do what was done to you to another faithful man?

2. Any relationship with a single woman would be on false pretenses bc you are not divorced and are leading the single woman on. Are you prepared to do this to a single woman and break her heart?

Take a good look in the mirror and ask if you’re willing to visit this kind of pain on other people and become precisely the thing you loathe the most.

[This message edited by Thumos at 11:34 PM, September 19th (Saturday)]

A spouse has an issue, whether they know it or not. They feel lonely or washed up or old or whatever, and one day an idea or opportunity drops in their lap. They get a little outside attention, a few compliments, and it all feels good to their troubled soul. The wayward mindset is born and justified.

Is the above your WW or you?

Both.

So go ahead. Be a cheater, too.

Instead of 5 years to heal, it will be 10.

Ask me how I know.

So are you going to divorce you wife?

I just finished reading “No Soliciting” too, but I’m beginning to think we read different books.

You really want to contribute to making some other innocent guy a chump in order to temporarily make yourself feel better?

My biggest takeaway from that book? Cheating isn’t about opportunity, FOO issues or some sad sausage feeling down about himself — it’s about character. And this post says a lot about yours.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 7:32 AM, September 20th (Sunday)]

You are on a website where there are practically no women. It is filled with bots and scammers looking to get your money. The other posters have said a lot and I don't need to reiterate, but why support a website that has caused so much pain to so many BS?

Argh... I hate these posts on revenge affairs.

Why pass the pain on to make yourself feel better? That’s what your wife did!

Just divorce her if you can’t move forward with her.

[This message edited by Dragonfly123 at 4:21 AM, September 20th (Sunday)]

Let us know how this idea works out for you. 🤦‍♀️

I'm choosing not to commit adultery, despite what the STBXW did. One of us has to be a good example for our 17, 26 and 29 year old sons of what a partner should do. They already have an example of what not to do.

In my state divorce can happen in 91 days. Until then and for a while after, I'm a bachelor.

You are on a website where there are practically no women. It is filled with bots and scammers looking to get your money.

On the off chance you actually connected with a real woman and remembering that website is set up for married people - congratulations! You've just helped welcome another BS to the club.

[This message edited by Vomitousmass at 10:01 PM, December 10th (Thursday)]

Dude...just file for divorce already. What are you doing? You signed up for an Ashley Madison account. It doesn't get much more icky than that. (By the way, the Ashley Madison hack of 2015 started a 5-day long D week for me. Well done supporting that shit hole of a site!!)

File for divorce. Leave your shitbag of a wife. And have a legitimate relationship. Or just date around.

Destroying another unsuspecting husband is not the solution.

"For most people, the betrayal of infidelity is a profound shock and a severe emotional and psychological trauma."

I write that so often I could do it in my sleep. For over five years now I've been reading on SI and the one thing about infidelity that never, ever ceases to amaze me is just how hard it hits.

It can break people.

You can, if you so choose, survive infidelity. Or, you can let it break you. The choice is all yours.

[This message edited by Unhinged at 8:50 AM, September 20th (Sunday)]

Hopefully, by now you've come to your senses.

So, rather than divorce your unremorseful cheating wife, you've decided another cheating wife is your ticket to happiness.

And you've also decided to pass on your pain to another man,her husband.

Well, I will give you this. You certainly sound like your average selfish, idiotic, entitled cheater. So..congrats?

Updated original message. please re-read and let me have it.

Resentment breeds entitlement. You're validating yourself with cheap sexual attention from another broken person who isn't actually interested in you, but only in how you can make her feel better about herself. But hey, at least you proved you're worthy to serve as ego kibble for a pathetic, unethical asshole! You've successfully remade yourself in the image of your WW's AP!

Welcome to the Wayward Side, the club of the most reviled members on the site. I see you don't post much in JFO, which is a good thing, because we WS are banned there. You're now too much of a trigger for betrayed spouses suffering over what people like us have done. That's going to sting when you come to your senses.

But for now, keep bragging about the destruction of everything that made you better than your WW, and worthy of more than she offered you. Kudos on proving you're only worth the interest of an Ashley Madison whore.

Call her a whore, or whatever. She knew from the get go what I was there for.

Your "best friend" cheated on you. Kept you in the same water as AP for 8 months. Bragged about how good the sex was post revelation.

im still the fking chump. do I hate myself for an ashley madison account? no. Would I hate myself for following through? Yes.

she had told her husband she wanted a divorce.

So why Ashley Madison? AM is a hookup site for married people who want to have affairs.

If she had told her husband she wanted a divorce, and they were getting a divorce, she would have been on a legit dating site. Not AM.

All you did was find another woman who would lie and have an affair.

Its good that you didn't have sex with her. You still cheated. Tell your wife, then the both of you can either attempt reconciliation on a foundation of truth, or divorce knowing the truth.

You keep using quotation marks like you don't think you cheated. You did.