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Reconciliation :
Thankful Thursday

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MIgander ( member #71285) posted at 5:11 PM on Thursday, January 26th, 2023

I'm thankful that my job is so flexible now that I can stay home on a snow day and still get an enormous amount of work done! I'm thankful I've got great inventive colleagues who I get to collaborate on and hopefully submit 8-9 patents this year (so far!!).

I'm thankful for my kids and their friends being such crazy and sweet people. Was able to take DD and DS and 3 of their friends and meet up with another 2 of their friends at the sledding hill yesterday. Gotta love snowdays!

WW/BW Dday July 2019. BH/WH- multiple EA's. Back at it again- bantering w the younger woman. Lied about blocking phone calls and deleted texts. Carried on with her. Financial infidelity again- who says you only cheat with lovers?

posts: 978   路   registered: Aug. 15th, 2019   路   location: Michigan
id 8774787
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Hannah47 ( member #80116) posted at 6:07 PM on Thursday, January 26th, 2023

Haha, @Tanner love it, here's mine:

馃槾鈽曫煉火煡煆嬸煆烩嶁檧锔忦煔筐煉火煃斤笍馃Ч馃彔馃Ф馃悎鈥嶁瑳馃幃馃馃幎馃摵馃槾

As you can see, there's no husband. Husband is on a work trip, or should I say 馃懆馃徎鉁堬笍馃挼
I'm grateful I have no problems with it, even though the OW was a cow.

posts: 304   路   registered: Mar. 21st, 2022
id 8774794
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emergent8 ( Guide #58189) posted at 6:09 PM on Thursday, January 26th, 2023

I'm feeling thankful because my teeny tiny little brand new nephew, who was due in January but born incredibly prematurely (back in October) and has spent over 100 days in the NICU, was discharged from the hospital yesterday and my SIL and her husband were finally able to bring him home. He still has a long road ahead of him (still tube feeding and another surgery is scheduled for early February), but it feels like a big, giant step.

Also incredibly grateful for the incredible care that they have received while in the hospital. In another era or another location, both my SIL and her son likely would not have survived this. Modern medicine is amazing and NICU nurses are angels on earth. That we live in a place where they have not (and will not) pay absolutely anything for all of this, is not lost on me either. I imagine that something like this would have cost hundreds of thousands of dollars elsewhere. I cannot comprehend dealing with the financial stresses on top of the rest of it.

Me: BS. Him: WS. Together 16 years.
D-Day: Feb 2017 (8 m PA with married COW).
5 years (and two kids) into R. Happy.

posts: 1287   路   registered: Apr. 7th, 2017
id 8774795
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 8:25 PM on Friday, January 27th, 2023

Ooooooooooooooo...I LOVE those emoji posts!! I will TRY and do a post without using them...LOL!!

Right before I started a post in this thread yesterday...a family matter came up that kept me from the computer most of the day. I am now in that in-between phase...taking care of grandchildren and parents...as needed. I am sure there is a name for people in this situation...I just don't know/remember what it is...LOL!!

I am so very THANKFUL that I am able to be in a position to HELP whenever someone needs me. It sometimes catches me by surprise...like yesterday...and it can be frustrating at times. But I know that one day...the parents will be in a better place and won't need any help...and the grandkids will be starting a life of their own and definitely won't FEEL that they need any help...hahaha!! So...for NOW...I am going to ENJOY the situation and the ability to help the remaining family members who are still here.

This weekend I get a rare opportunity to spend time alone with one of our children. I will CHERISH that! I LOVE my child's spouse...and I am very happy with the wonderful choice all of our grown children have made for a spouse. But just like my H and I...THEY are now ONE...so it doesn't happen often when I can just have one of my children all to myself. I will resist the temptation to hold them...lol But I guarantee you that if they give ANY indication that they want Mama to do that...THIS Mama will happily hold them...as long as they let me!!!

So...for TODAY...what I am most THANKFUL for...is FAMILY!! Of course...that also includes my SI family...like my crazy Coozann who always makes me SMILE with his antics!!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6433   路   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   路   location: Southeastern United States
id 8775031
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 8:56 PM on Friday, January 27th, 2023

So...for TODAY...what I am most THANKFUL for...is FAMILY!! Of course...that also includes my SI family...like my crazy Coozann who always makes me SMILE with his antics!!!

I glad to see an update. I was concerned not seeing you here yesterday.

Infidelity is very serious business, I have a great sense of humor that was lost for a while. I鈥檓 so thankful to have a place here to laugh and smile 馃榾

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 2508   路   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   路   location: Texas DFW
id 8775037
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 1:50 PM on Thursday, February 2nd, 2023

One of our Bible Study devotionals is going over the fruit of the Spirit...love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Today it was focusing on JOY. I must admit that the pure joy I used to feel has been tempered a bit over the years. I used to find so much joy in my family. As our children grew up and had children of their own...the joy of having grandchildren was...well...very joyous!!

When we became empty nesters...and started down our decadent lifestyle path...it was FUN...but I can't really say that I found JOY out of it. It was intense...intoxicating...NEW...but to say that it was joyful would not be a correct word for it. After my H decided to take one more step further into the decadence...without my knowledge...the fun we had became a nightmare.

Since the time we first started on our decadent path...we have lost family members along the way. I realized that time that we COULD have spent with them were instead spent chasing after something that truly had no substance to it. In retrospect...not only did it have no substance...it was very detrimental to us. I guess it was sort of like we were in the middle of an ocean...thirsty. We would drink the water...but it wasn't the RIGHT kind...and only made us more thirsty. We were drinking so MUCH "salt water"...not understanding that we were actually dying from dehydration because of it.

It took us a LONG time to heal from our self inflicted wounds...as well as the wounds we inflicted on each other. Now that we are back on a really GOOD path for US...we can see all the time we WASTED. We COULD look back on that time and wallow in it. But we CHOOSE to move forward...learning from those really BAD choices we made before. Despite all of that MESS we did...we have been able to get back so much more than what we lost.

We can't get back the time with the family members we lost...and that is a sad realization. But we CAN focus on spending more time with the family members who are still here with us! We can also focus on US as well!! What WE have always needed has been with us the whole time...we just didn't realize it until we almost lost each other.

One way to bring about JOY...is to have thankfulness! So TODAY...I am so THANKFUL to be able to FEEL joy again!! THIS is how I know the lifestyle I am living is truly the BEST one to be in. NO empty substance that just makes me more sick. NO chasing after something that doesn't truly satisfy me. Just being in the moment...and truly enJOYing life!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6433   路   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   路   location: Southeastern United States
id 8775783
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 3:33 PM on Thursday, February 2nd, 2023

Hannah I like your emoji post 馃榾. I totally missed it last week

I鈥檓 thankful that this ice is coming to an end. I鈥檝e had enough!!! I鈥檓 thankful for my family, now if they would just get out of here 馃榾

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 2508   路   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   路   location: Texas DFW
id 8775805
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 2:56 PM on Thursday, February 9th, 2023

Another Thankful Thursday...woohoo!!

My H and I have made it a habit to thank each other with our first hug of the morning. Doing this one simple thing can really make the rest of the day BEAUTIFUL!!

This morning I thanked him for being my H. He then thanked me for being his wife! Then he thanked me for allowing him to be my H...and I reciprocated...lol!! It's corny...it's silly...but it is SOOTHING in a way that nothing else would even compare. I remember us doing these silly things when we were first together...and MUCH younger. I realize NOW that it is these silly things that gave us the BOND we were seeking. They really aren't that silly after all!!!

So today I am thankful for being able to be thankful for my H!!! The rest of the world may not understand this...but you awesome people surely do!!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6433   路   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   路   location: Southeastern United States
id 8776774
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Oldwounds ( member #54486) posted at 5:04 PM on Thursday, February 9th, 2023

Thankful I got a lot of work done with repairs on the new to us old house.

Some more painting today and tonight and then travel across a few states to pack up about half of our stuff and get it on the truck back here.

Only half, because the Mrs. still has some time left on her work contract.

We're attempting the world's slowest move in, and based on our pace we have a shot at the record!

The good news is, we get time together while I pack up stuff for a week.

Married 35+ years, together 41+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived. M Rebuilt.
"It is better to conquer our grief than to deceive it." 鈥 Seneca

posts: 4535   路   registered: Aug. 4th, 2016   路   location: PNW. The adventure continues.
id 8776807
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Ladybugmaam ( member #69881) posted at 5:28 PM on Thursday, February 9th, 2023

I鈥檓 thankful that despite FWH having an A, he realized just how "not worth it" it/ow was. I鈥檝e not made it easy for him. I鈥檓 grateful for the work we鈥檝e both done and continue to do. . I鈥檓 grateful for where we are now and looking forward to more good times ahead.

EA DD 11/2018
PA DD 2/25/19
One teen son
I am a phoenix.

posts: 332   路   registered: Feb. 26th, 2019
id 8776814
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OldBeachOwl ( member #81048) posted at 5:28 PM on Thursday, February 9th, 2023

I have a great deal to feel gratitude for. My fWW has answered my questions fully and truthfully to the limit of what she can recall from her affair 50 years ago. The child from that affair has grown to be a wonderful son and a loving, caring father to our grandchildren, a very successful man and faithful spouse to our daughter in law. The process of Reconciliation has entered a phase where I think less and less about my wife's transgression that Spring, Summer and Autumn of 1972. There are less trigger events to put me in a tailspin and a real intimacy has reentered our marriage. I now see what forgiveness feels like when it comes quietly without any fanfare and almost as a surprise. The burning anger has been replaced by love and empathy and we both have begun a new chapter in our lives as we approach true old age.Thank you SI for so much good advice.

posts: 56   路   registered: Sep. 29th, 2022   路   location: Tucson
id 8776815
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 6:05 PM on Thursday, February 9th, 2023

Today I鈥檓 thankful for the team of Doctors that finally have my Son sleeping all night. We are on week 2 ish of sleep. My Son (14)has severe autism and is non verbal, he鈥檚 about a 3 year cognitive level. The boy loves sports all sports, he is really good at shooting the basketball. He鈥檚 only been able to dribble for a couple of years but he shoots great.

Yesterday he got first place in Special Olympics. He came home very proud wearing his ribbon, he wore it to school again today. He is beaming, he can鈥檛 tell us all about it but he shows off that ribbon. I鈥檓 very thankful for Special Olympics.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 2508   路   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   路   location: Texas DFW
id 8776825
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Hannah47 ( member #80116) posted at 8:22 AM on Thursday, February 16th, 2023

I鈥檒l be honest with you 鈥 I鈥檓 really struggling with this thankfulness thing. I read somewhere that if you鈥檙e not feeling thankful, it means you are not thinking. Here鈥檚 my stream of consciousness:

I鈥檒l be visiting my family soon. I鈥檓 looking forward to that, and I鈥檓 thankful I can now afford to see them more often. I need to go pack now 鈥 dear ladies here know how stressful that can be. My husband calls me a master packer, but the truth is, I always pack more than I need. That's ok, I like to have options. Sometimes I feel I have no options. Perhaps that鈥檚 true. However, nothing is preventing me from creating options. If I pack just one dress, I鈥檒l have no options. But if I pack 2 (or 21), there will be plenty to choose from. Choosing / deciding is another huge problem. I can鈥檛 think about that right now. If I do, I鈥檒l go crazy. I鈥檓 thankful I can think about it next Thursday.

Have a nice weekend, everyone!

posts: 304   路   registered: Mar. 21st, 2022
id 8777904
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 2:20 PM on Thursday, February 16th, 2023

Hannah47...I am thankful to see someone already wrote in this thread this morning!!! Being an obese woman...my options are pretty limited in the clothing department...so packing is east peasy for me...lol! I am very thankful that you have lots of options though!!

Reading all of the posts from last week really has uplifted my spirits too! Thank y'all for sharing your stories...y'all really are making my day start off HAPPY!!!

My H and I are apart today...but we will be together tonight...YAY! I can remember when times like this would make me question all kinds of things...and I am so THANKFUL that there are no questions like that anymore. My GUT is calm and my heart is full...and my DEAR friends and family...that makes me very HAPPY! I had that for years and didn't think much of it. I will never take THIS feeling for granted again!!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6433   路   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   路   location: Southeastern United States
id 8777931
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 6:46 AM on Saturday, February 18th, 2023

Hannah my W is an over packer. She is a girly girl and has to have options. It鈥檚 a real pain in the ass 馃榾. I always give her crap about it.

Thankful for my Son getting first place this week in Special Olympics round 2. He is so proud of himself.

I鈥檓 also thankful for 56 years (today) and I鈥檓 not old yet, I鈥檓 in great shape, no grey hair, all 4 wisdom teeth, gal bladder, tonsils, appendix, no RX.

Ok a little grey in the beard but not up top.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 2508   路   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   路   location: Texas DFW
id 8778384
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Grieving ( member #79540) posted at 10:43 AM on Saturday, February 18th, 2023

Tanner, that鈥檚 wonderful about your son!

It might sound silly, but I鈥檓 grateful for our sump pump. We had insane rains and flooding in our area on Thursday, but the crawl space/root cellar of our 120-year-old house stayed perfectly dry thanks to all the work my husband put into putting in a sump pump and drainage line and dehumidifier.

I am truly grateful for how handy and hardworking my husband is. We bought our house for a song. It was structurally sound, but needed a lot of TLC. I tend to do the more visible stuff (painting, decorating, refinishing, etc), but he has done so much to preserve and improve the structure in key ways. He spent days under the house sealing and insulating it and making sure it would stay dry and critter free. When it got to ten below zero at Christmas, not a pipe froze, whereas when we first moved in, the kitchen pipes would freeze any time it got to the single digits.

I鈥檓 a practical person. I appreciate the romantic gestures he鈥檚 learned to do over the years, but at the end of the day nothing says love to me like that dry crawl space. 馃槀

[This message edited by Grieving at 11:11 AM, Saturday, February 18th]

Husband of 20 years had six month affair with co-worker. Found out 7/2020. Two teenaged kids. Reconciling.

posts: 387   路   registered: Oct. 30th, 2021
id 8778392
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 4:06 PM on Thursday, February 23rd, 2023

Happy Thankful Thursday everyone!!! We have finished one season down here in South Louisiana...Mardi Gras! It lasts from Twelfth Night...January 6...until Ash Wednesday...which was yesterday. If you've never seen it...at midnight the French Quarter is officially "shut down". It doesn't actually END though...the French Quarter never closes. But the season of Mardi Gras ENDS.

Now we are in the season of Lent. A time for atonement and reflection for Catholics. Maybe for others too...but I am Catholic so that is all I know. It is a quiet time now...all the purple...green...and gold is gone. Now we decorate our trees with Easter ornaments. YES...some of us keep our Christmas tree up and decorate it for Mardi Gras and then for Easter. After that...some do it for Memorial Day and then for Independence Day!!! I don't have the space or the inclination to do all of that...lol...but I am happy for those who like to...it makes the "Spirit of Christmas" last a little bit longer!!

As I was thinking about Lent...it occurred to me that I didn't think about how a new year has started...and I am going to have to relive A season soon. My friends...that is a WIN!!! My lil bro challenged me last year to NOT write about A season like I have in the past...so I am looking forward to NOT doing it this year...thanks Unhinged!!! I don't know WHAT I am going to do for those 68 days...but it is FREEING to not be dwelling on what happened on EACH day from back when my H had his A. I was holding myself in a prison of my own making all this time...when I had the keys to get OUT all along. I REALLY appreciate your thoughtful challenge lil bro!!!

LIFE has so much to offer doesn't it? I want to RELISH every minute of it!!! I could dwell on the past. I have done it for the last 8 years during A season...where each one was less painful than the year before. OR...I could CHOOSE something different. What it will be...God only knows!! But for TODAY...I am so THANKFUL to be FREE from that prison!!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6433   路   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   路   location: Southeastern United States
id 8778990
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 7:30 PM on Thursday, February 23rd, 2023

Great idea Cuz on not reliving A season, Don't drive looking in the rearview mirror. I'm not there yet, I'm not completely healed and I'm still working through triggers but we are doing very well.

So thankful my mother sold her house last week, it has been a thorn in my sided since March. I've kept up the maintenance on it all these months. My mother is in a retirement community with absolutely no maintenance to worry about, so many amenities and activities. Thursday is my new Friday (thankful) I'm taking my mom car shopping tomorrow.

We still have so many friends and neighbors going through marital issues, not infidelity, that we know of but one couple we suspect. We spend a lot of time outside in our yard and at dark we build a fire in the firepit. Neighbors show up and hang out with us, sometimes it ends with a counselling session.

These young couples look up to us but don't know what we've been through. My W and I laugh and cut up all the time, we can literally finish each others sentences. So one of the ladies said "Tanner, you are so chill, you don't smother or control Mrs Tanner, ya'll get along so well". I said "Thats because both of us are here voluntarily and free to leave at anytime". They laughed and Mrs Tanner said "No he is absolutely correct we are both free to leave at anytime, but we work hard to keep this together, and nowhere I'd rather be". It's so good to hear her say that. These young couples have said before that WE really don't understand how hard it is because our M is so automatic. 32 years?? It's not automatic it's hard work, we just don't yell and cuss, or air our dirty laundry like everyone else.

Just felt like sharing this today. Don't look others and envy their life, they have a mess too, its how you handle your mess that matters, and I wouldn't trade places with anyone, I'll keep my mess laugh

Happy Pre Friday

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 2508   路   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   路   location: Texas DFW
id 8779018
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Wiseoldfool ( member #78413) posted at 9:32 PM on Thursday, February 23rd, 2023

I鈥檓 thankful that neither my WW nor I have thrown in the towel during the five years after the initial disclosure. This reconciliation process is not for the weak.

[This message edited by Wiseoldfool at 9:33 PM, Thursday, February 23rd]

Every secret you keep with your affair partner sustains the affair. Every lie you tell, every misunderstanding you permit, every deflection you pose, every omission you allow sustains the affair.

posts: 287   路   registered: Mar. 1st, 2021
id 8779039
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goingtomakeit ( member #11778) posted at 9:57 PM on Thursday, February 23rd, 2023

I am thankful for my two grown sons. They are my best friends.

My FWW was a good mom to them.

I was their hero. We call at least one a week and the calls always end the same-"I love you Dad".

Guess we did ok.

Me: BS (34 at d-day)Her: WS (35 at d-day)D-Day: 02/03/99Kids: 2 boys (5 & 3 at d-day)Married 9 years at d-day

posts: 109   路   registered: Aug. 21st, 2006   路   location: Ga
id 8779042
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