36yearsgone...
This has to be the worst case (in which I was a willing participant) of thread jacking in the history of thread jacking.
So, with apologies for shifting away from the fun, I wanted to put in my 2 cents worth to the original thread.
I have been married for over 30 years to a quadriplegic. Spinal cord injury 14 years before we were married. When we met he was hot! Funny. We fell in love. Adopted 3 kids. All with issues due to addict birth mothers. So...lots of challenges.
About 10 years (I’m guessing - still don’t really know) into the marriage, he began to be distant followed by porn. Followed by prostitute. Followed by marriage breakdown.
I decided to stay and hope we could try to save the marriage.
“Till death do us part” is important, even though I was divorced twice already.
Well, no true remorse, no real work (from him) to heal the marriage or himself.
Fast forward...8-10 years ago he went from an Olympic champion, very independent with daily living skills, his own business, a day named after him in our town, blah...blah...blah, to losing his business in a scam, health diminishing, several serious illnesses, depression, opioid use (prescribed), and now intestinal complications.
He is not comatose. No vegetative state. But he requires my help for EVERYTHING. Turn in the bed, turn on the tv, restroom needs, etc.
For the last few years, my H and our marriage fits into this characterization:
What if the spouse was not comatose? What if they had not provided romantic love for 10, 20, 30 years? Is an affair acceptable in that case? Divorce might be, but not an affair
I totally agree. Even the Bible (for those of us who use it as a reference / guide) says infidelity is an acceptable reason for divorce.
But I did say “For better or for worse” and I meant it - most especially after betraying that vow in previous marriages.
Very, very sadly, my marriage is no longer physical - not because of his disability / health issues (where there’s a will, there’s a way
) but because of the emotional disconnect and a lack of healing.
But I’m staying. I care about him. I will not abandon him. (My word)
JMHO