SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

This has to be the worst case (in which I was a willing participant) of thread jacking in the history of thread jacking.

WhatsRight:

It is certainly threadjacking, but, if it this particular brand of threadjacking brings some humor and joy into the lives of those who have suffered so terribly under the crushing weight of infidelity, I won't complain.

But thank you for, at least temporarily, returning to the original context of my post.

To take the title seriously, if you are going to R, you have to, on some level accept the reasoning and the why. You have to forgive the actions of the WS. So I'm maybe making a semantic argument about what exactly does "accept" mean.

For each person, what reasons can be accepted and forgiven is different. One could say, for themselves, that all reasons for any amount of affair, physical or emotional, are truly unacceptable and constitute a dealbreaker. All roads lead to D. That's true for many, but maybe not all of us.

Now, if we are going to ask, what reasons would we accept that include blame shifting. Or what reasons we accept that would say, "in this case cheating wasn't bad". That's a whole different question. Maybe the intention of the title.

Cheating is always wrong. It's always the cheater's fault. But if you are going to R, you will have to accept the reasons why it occurred.

Alright, this doesn't mean I agree or disagree, just compiling. going back through the reasons, we have the following:

Comatose spouse w/ no hope of awakening

Alien invasion

Time travel that requires secondary marriage

I motion to add the following:

-Dimensional vortex w/ no hope of return

-Reincarnation/resurrection shenanigans (i.e. death did us part... until it didn't)

-being afflicted with vampirism (undead is after death did us part)

-Affair partner is the food item bean dip

-Historic Cultural requirement for concubine (i.e. 13th century chinese emperors)

-affair would stop a literal world war

-historic periods prior to the idea of marriage existing

-james bond

[This message edited by Notthevictem at 2:25 PM, October 16th (Friday)]

NTV I motion to also add:

-Jason Momoa

-The Rock

-Jensen Ackles

36YG - I still stand by my original answer on this thread that has gone in some very amusing tangents... And that is: to me, affairs are NEVER acceptable with the exception of a spouse being comatose or PVS with NO hope of recovery and remaining married in order to provide proper healthcare and preserve legal decision-making rights in order to effect said care. I am not at all saying anyone is wrong if they chose to honor their vows and remain faithful; but in that particular case, I personally would not see the surviving spouse dating as 'cheating'... at least not in the same sense as cheating is generally defined and understood here on SI.

All four members of En Vogue, naked in a bed and willing to engage in certain activities with just me, no strings attached, for one night.

All four members of En Vogue, naked in a bed and willing to engage in certain activities with just me, no strings attached, for one night.

Acceptable and desirable are not the same things.

Revenge affairs do not bother me. I think the initial cheating voided oath vows. No obligation to abide by a contract that was unilaterally broken already. I never had one, BTW.

Alien invasion

Time travel that requires secondary marriage

-Dimensional vortex w/ no hope of return

-Reincarnation/resurrection shenanigans (i.e. death did us part... until it didn't)

-Historic Cultural requirement for concubine (i.e. 13th century chinese emperors)

-affair would stop a literal world war

-historic periods prior to the idea of marriage existing

Wait... which category does Doctor Who fall into???

Dr who.. Like.... all of them, right?

Since we're being serious, for me it's not that there's an acceptable reason. I don't believe there is an acceptable reason, even for revenge (one of the absolute worst reasons, IMO). However, there are certainly reasons I would maybe understand more over others, such as the comatose spouse with no hope of recovery. I'm not saying I would not still consider that an affair or that I would do it, but it's a bit more relatable, I guess.

[This message edited by landclark at 4:05 PM, October 16th (Friday)]

And David Tennant was the best Dr Who, and it's not open for discussion........

What if identical twins marry identical twins. They dress the same for giggles, have a party, drink a bit too much, and have sex with the wrong spouse?

What if one of the spouse is a scammer, get married under a false name, empty the bank account and disappear, and the church refuses an annulment?

What if two strangers get really drunk in Vegas, gets married, and the next day, they don’t remember they are married and go their separate ways?

What if identical twins marry identical twins. They dress the same for giggles, have a party, drink a bit too much, and have sex with the wrong spouse?

I am going to suggest that is infidelity and unacceptable to me. If both sets of twins are alright with it...well, so be it.

What if one of the spouse is a scammer, get married under a false name, empty the bank account and disappear, and the church refuses an annulment?

I doubt the Catholic Church would deny an annulment in the situation. However, this might be one of those situations that has room to sway my opinion.

What if two strangers get really drunk in Vegas, gets married, and the next day, they don’t remember they are married and go their separate ways?

Ah, the old I was drunk and forgot I got married excuse. Fodder for a situational comedy, but little chance in real life.

@ LC - "Allons-y Alonso!!"

On a serious note , I personally don’t think there are any acceptable reasons for an A , but I understand why some A’s are accepted.. long ago I had a Dr who wife got dementia and knew no one .. she couldn’t function so was put in a home .. he found a partner that was with him until one of them died .. he took care of his wife .. paid all the bills .for her care . but he spent all his time with his partner ..they traveled took cruises, spent the winter months in Florida .. she was accepted everywhere because people felt sorry for the good Dr .. he was a pillar of society.. my feelings were .. he was married .. he should have divorced his wife .. and taken care of all her needs , before he started a relationship .. I hurt for his daughter who saw her father with another W and knew her mother was still alive .. a sad circumstance . I applaud men and women who do take their marriage vows seriously.. and do go thru the worst .. taking care of handicapped partners, stroke , accident victims, and don’t have affairs.

That is pretty much the situation for my parents.

My father has Alzheimer's and is hospitalised. My mother does everything she can to be there for him. She's only 65 and is a vibrant and loving woman. Even though we can see he is clearly the love of her life and she has no intention of seeing anybody else I have told her that if she meets someone who can provide her with the love and companionship she deserves she would have my support.

They cannot divorce at this point for legal and financial reasons, for his benefit, but I don't believe she should have to be alone for the rest of her life.

I love both my parents very much and just want them to be as happy as possible.

Not me, I leave the thinking stuff to my alien overlords.

Merry Christmas, from Chiron Beta Prime!

What if identical twins marry identical twins. They dress the same for giggles, have a party, drink a bit too much, and have sex with the wrong spouse?

Giggles, I work with a man who dated identical twins at different times. Is in a long term relationship with one but still pines for the other less complicated twin and is still wondering if he picked the wrong one as he is adamant that they switched personalities recently.

Amnesia is the only valid reason I can think of. Sorry I forgot I wasn’t married to the neighbour.

fareast...

My sincere apologies for not giving credit where credit is due!

Totally hysterical comment, by the way!!!

Oops...duplicate post.

I must really be sorry!

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 12:14 AM, October 17th (Saturday)]