SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My stbxh was married before, his ex thought he was cheating.p which is why she left him. He told me he didn’t. But I imagine now that he did. I accidentally found tapes of his counselling sessions with her. He ripped them out of my hands immediately when I asked him what they were.

I was stupidly trusting.

He ruined all of his significant relationships. His dad cheated too. Seems it was all he knew.

As I cannot read someone else's mind, not my purview, I can only define a victim of infidelity as a spouse or significant other who has been physically or emotionally cheated on.

I read that as a lot narrower than committing infidelity by lusting after someone in one's heart. You need to clarify that for yourself.

*****

You did give a number, by implication. You report saying something like - using the mathematical concept of substitution, IIRC - 'There's a high probability that you have physically or emotionally either cheated or been cheated on.'

That means you think there's a high probability 100% of your listeners are either WSes or BSes - and people tend to ignore the qualifier - 'high probability'.

*****

You really need to do your own research; otherwise you open yourself to having your trust betrayed. If you write something here, note my tag line.

I take over-generalization very seriously, and I think we all should do the same. A lot of people have been killed, and a lot of people have become killers, because of over-generalizations.

[This message edited by sisoon at 11:25 AM, January 30th (Saturday)]

sisoon, are you addressing me or someone else?

You really need to do your own research; otherwise you open yourself to having your trust betrayed. If you write something here, note my tag line.

You mean like being raped as a child by an adult? I've already had my trust betrayed. Remember?

Anyway, I can't tell if you are addressing me or someone else, but I think it better that you and I just part. I still have negative feelings about previous comments you've made. So let's just agree to disagree, regardless of the subject matter.

My XWW read her Bible and prayed an average of 2-3 hours per day. She was a very moral and honest person. Up or down, she never lied to me.... until ...

These things to not make one a moral and honest person. Nor are they signs of a moral and honest person. The greater the sins, the greater the need for the promises in the Bible.

Or, to quote Doctor Who:

Good men don't need rules. Today is not the day to find out why I have so many.

A lot more common than an realized, it wasn’t because of a lack of evidence. I thought it was something that happened in young marriages like my siblings and a good friend but, when I was a teenager my dad was on the jury for a murder trial. Guess why the elderly woman shot her husband?

I have seen people married people out on dates without their spouse. But I didn’t see it as something normal people did.

I thought my husband was a bad liar and couldn’t keep secrets, I thought I would know if it happened. He’s a great liar and I really need to trust my gut. I missed a lot of red flags. Looking back, I saw them just didn’t recognize how bright the were, some of them where on fire.

The congregation was very attentive and responsive. But toward the very end of the message, I told them that infidelity was so prevalent that there is a high likelihood that everyone there had either committed adultery or was a victim of adultery.

Not sure about that, but I think it would be absolutely fair to say that with odds approaching 100%, there was at least one person in the room who had committed adultery. That would still get their attention without actually accusing anyone of anything.

I was married once and cheated on twice during the marriage.

After doing some healing I have started dating again. Of the people I started dating 2/3 admitted to cheating during the relationship or at the end. 2/3 said they had been cheated on during the relationship as well. Aggregated, all three were in infidelity at some point during their marriage.

I have not viewed articles or researched the subject but based on experience alone it seems very prevalent. I also believe that the research can't be complete as 100% don't get reported and 100% don't get caught.

I think we are beginning to see a pattern here.

I didn’t realize how common it was until after I experienced it, but in hindsight I should have. Reflecting back, I’ve known many people who have had affairs, including both my parents. After infidelity and you’re in “the club” you find out about so many more couples who have experienced it. Some you never would imagine.

I don’t buy the 25%. There is no accurate way to determine this number. Who are they polling? Is there a minimum requirement for the number of years a couple has been married? Or are those who have only been married 3 years lumped in with those who have been married 50 years? Is everyone being honest for goodness sake? Cheaters are liars. Why would they tell the truth on some survey? Nope. I don’t believe these “studies” for a second. I’ve seen it too much in my real life. That definitely includes in the church as well. Not sure what can be done about it, but I wish something would.

Gah, it seems to be depressingly common. It wasn’t something inexperienced in my family...like ever. I was extremely lucky in that respect I suppose. But my husband’s family is littered with it. That’s why he swore he never would do it because he saw what it did to his family. But yet, he still had a ONS. He wasn’t the first guy to cheat on me, but it definitely hurt the most because I never saw it coming. Once you’re in “the club” you do tend to see how prevalent it actually seems to be. And I totally get looking at couples on tv, or in a restaurant, or about to be married and thinking that if they haven’t already cheated, it’s just a matter of time. It’s heartbreaking. Especially for someone like that me always tried to see the good in everyone. It has changed my entire perspective and I no longer feel that hope and optimism.

34 BW

38 WH

Dday 8/21/20

It seems like when those rose colored glasses are ripped off they’re replaced with infidelity vision. If you’re a comic book fan you know that when a hero gains a super power it’s often a painful process. You would think that something as painful as betrayal trauma would give you a cooler power than being able to spot cheaters.

To be honest, I didn't really think about it much before it happened to me. Now, I see it.

Now it shows up quite a bit.

As for character, I like the old saying "Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is watching or listening". How many people say and do all the right things because they know people are watching.