Newest Member: applepie123

Divorce/Separation :
I am divorced!

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rambler ( member #43747) posted at 5:12 AM on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2021

So glad that is Over. Best wishes.

making it through

posts: 1279   ·   registered: Jun. 17th, 2014   ·   location: Chicago
id 8629881
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homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 5:15 AM on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2021

Very happy for you!!!!

Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55

posts: 5373   ·   registered: Jan. 30th, 2012
id 8629883
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homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 5:18 AM on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2021

I’m not sure about your state, but can you ask your lawyer if your xw remarries or has someone move in,,will that stop the alimony!! In my state it does!

Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55

posts: 5373   ·   registered: Jan. 30th, 2012
id 8629885
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OrdinaryDude ( member #55676) posted at 5:43 AM on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2021

w00t!

Me - BH 50+
Her - WW 50+
Married 30+ years, 2 adult kids
(1989) PA Rug-Swept
(2002) EA Rug-Swept
(2016) EA *Getting Out Of Infidelity*

**Working at Reconciling**

posts: 3391   ·   registered: Oct. 19th, 2016   ·   location: The Big Easy
id 8629888
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Ripped62 ( member #60667) posted at 6:13 AM on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2021

I am extremely happy for you. 😁

posts: 3174   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2017   ·   location: United States of America
id 8629889
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Phoenix1 ( Moderator #38928) posted at 6:41 AM on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2021

Finally!!! Congrats!

fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!

You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~

posts: 9011   ·   registered: Apr. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Land of Indifference
id 8629894
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 12:33 PM on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2021

OMG, CONGRATULATIONS!! 🙌🎉🍹

So when is the virtual par-tay?

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 37 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-37 & 34 11yo GS,8yo GD&6yo. GD (DD37) and 9yo GD & 4yo GD(DD34). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8648   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8629914
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Tigersrule77 ( member #47339) posted at 2:39 PM on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2021

Happy to hear you reached the end of the long saga and that you are happy with the outcome. Ultimately, that is all that really matters, as long as you are comfortable with the outcome. Good luck to you whichever path you choose!

posts: 1561   ·   registered: Mar. 27th, 2015   ·   location: Maryland
id 8629938
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Trust55 ( member #60672) posted at 2:49 PM on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2021

Congratulations Barcher!

Me - BS - D Day 03.19.2017 ( 2 days before our 31 wedding anniversary)False R Divorce in progress FILED JUNE 2017, BREAKING NEWS: TRIAL JUNE 2022!

posts: 102   ·   registered: Sep. 18th, 2017   ·   location: Oklahoma
id 8629941
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 3:49 PM on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2021

WooHOO!!! Congrats!!!!

Take a few days just to enjoy the fact that this is over, then consider what you want to do.

I am so happy that this is over for you finally. What long road. I also hope she lasso's some schmuck sooner than later to then put an end to her support altogether ASAP.

Just think about the person you were when you came here, and where you are now.

((((Barcher))))

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 21 &23
Married for 28 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 19035   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8629961
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 barcher144 (original poster member #54935) posted at 4:23 PM on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2021

Thank you everyone for the kind words.

It's a weird-good feeling, isn't it?

Yes, I am a little bit numb from it all.

My GF (we're back together) completely freaked out last night. The entirety of our relationship has involved this psychotically insane divorce and she had a lot of emotion about it being over. She then doubled-down in her emotion because I acted someone muted/numb/poker-faced to the news.

Also, thank you everyone for your opinions on whether I should pursue the appeal or not. I am currently very much undecided on that, so your opinions are VERY helpful. I sent my attorney an email this morning to get some issues clarified... the biggest one would be the refinancing of the marital home. That is, I could say "you refinance the house or I will appeal the judge's ruling."

Me: BH, age 48
Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)
D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5142   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8629978
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 barcher144 (original poster member #54935) posted at 4:27 PM on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2021

I am so happy that this is over for you finally. What long road. I also hope she lasso's some schmuck sooner than later to then put an end to her support altogether ASAP.

She's a narcissist... she's been lassoing guys from before we separated. Based on phone records, she was having another affair before we even split. Also know that she was involved with three other guys (her current BF, a random dude from my kids' soccer league, and her friend's husband) from January 2019 until July 2019 (when she removed herself from my phone plan).

It's a good thing that blackmail is illegal because I sure as hell would threaten to reveal the phone records to her boyfriend if that was an option.

Just think about the person you were when you came here, and where you are now.

This is a solid point. I was a complete mess, both the usual D-day crap as well as the years of emotional abuse that I have been processing recently.

Thank you so much, Tushie. Your support (and 2x4's!) have helped as much as anything or anyone get through the past 4+ years.

Me: BH, age 48
Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)
D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5142   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8629979
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BrokenheartedUK ( member #43520) posted at 5:15 PM on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2021

CONGRATULATIONS!! I’m so relieved and happy for you!! Onwards. And champagne!!

Me: BS
He cheated and then lied. Apparently cheaters lie. Huh. 13 months of false R. Divorced! 8/16 3 teenage kids
"The barn's burnt down
Now
I can see the moon"
-Mizuta Masahide

posts: 3341   ·   registered: May. 24th, 2014
id 8629992
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Jameson1977 ( member #54177) posted at 7:36 PM on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2021

Congratulations barcher144!

I’ve followed your story from day one and am so happy this ordeal is finished!!

posts: 727   ·   registered: Jul. 16th, 2016
id 8630027
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little turtle ( member #15584) posted at 7:38 PM on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2021

Whoa!! The good news came early!!

So happy for you Barcher!

Failure is success if we learn from it.

posts: 5460   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2007   ·   location: michigan
id 8630028
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Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 8:11 PM on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2021

I sent my attorney an email this morning to get some issues clarified... the biggest one would be the refinancing of the marital home.

Was this not addressed in your orders? I assume she is living there. What if she decides to default on the note and your name is still on it?

I hope for your sake it was addressed in the settlement--she has much too much power over you if it is not.

You have time to consider an appeal, particularly since your attorney believes you have a very strong case.

Cat

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

posts: 32972   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2003   ·   location: Massachusetts
id 8630041
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Buster123 ( member #65551) posted at 8:39 PM on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2021

It's a good thing that blackmail is illegal because I sure as hell would threaten to reveal the phone records to her boyfriend if that was an option.

I'ts only blackmail if you demand something in return for your silence, you could simply inform her current boyfriend, but why even bother, just move on and celebrate your new freedom.

posts: 2473   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018
id 8630060
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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 10:29 PM on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2021

Best. News. Ever!!!!

I am so happy for you!

Not sure what to do about the appeal.

Do what you feel is best.

Me: BS 44 nowWH: 35 almost 36 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons.Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that.Full disclosure March 8th 2019 four AP's.

posts: 22384   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8630088
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phmh ( member #34146) posted at 3:18 AM on Wednesday, February 3rd, 2021

Congratulations!

My lawyer told me that I could likely have taken my case to the state supreme court if we both were going to fight since we had rather unique circumstance. (No kids, I paid for his medical school and for nearly all expenses, making more than 95% of the money during our 11 year marriage, verbal agreement that once he's a doctor I no longer have to work a corporate job and about 6 months before he finishes fellowship and was about to make doctor money, he starts his affair)

But in my situation, I decided it wasn't worth it. I had just started a new job and wanted to focus my efforts on succeeding in my career and on my future, not mired in legal stuff from my past. For me, it was 100% the right decision. I can always make more money, but I can't make more time, and time stuck in the past was not going to help me.

Your circumstances may be different, but just because something seems to make sense mathematically doesn't necessarily mean it's the path you should take. Listen to your gut on this one, whatever it may tell you.

Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny

posts: 4978   ·   registered: Dec. 8th, 2011
id 8630135
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2ManyMigraines ( member #61851) posted at 3:52 PM on Wednesday, February 3rd, 2021

Congrats!!

posts: 184   ·   registered: Dec. 16th, 2017   ·   location: Midwest
id 8630211
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